Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Eh? They haven't declined. Thats precisely the problem.

But they haven't declined. They accepted and then later down the track have decided they are going to start telling OP what to do with the dog in her home. The dog they decided to stay at home for. That's what they are throwing a sook about.

Just withdraw your invitation to the crazy relatives who seem to think you’re running a free hotel.
Dont look back.
I hope you & the dog & all your normally tolerant & understanding guests have a wonderful xmas.

They haven’t just declined the invite. They are emotionally blackmailing the OP saying how horrible it is that they will now be alone (with their own children) and how they are now making Christmas difficult. If they had declined gracefully then everyone would be happy but they want the OP to get rid of her dog whilst they still attend.

the didn't refuse the invitation. They accepted the invitation after OP had told them the dog will be there, and then demanded she gets rid of the dog for the duration of the visit.

Oh dear! Haven’t you actually read the OP?

They haven’t declined an invitation sweetie, thsy accepted the invitation, they still want to come but dictate the dog goes elsewhere.

You need to spend more time and read more carefully.

Did you honestly think the pages and pages of posts had all got it wrong?

I wouldn't even bother responding, I would copy paste your original message, and send it back to them. The situation was clear from the start. There was no room for misunderstanding.

That is not what has happened. Read the OP again.

Read. The. OP's. OP.

I personally would message back saying, "Hi, I understand that you're not comfortable with my dog. I do not appreciate involving other relatives over this, which has upset me. You knew the reason we stayed home this Christmas is because we have a new dog. I have decided to no longer host christmas dinner. "

You haven't read it right. Maybe try again?

Apologies i pressed the YABU and cant change it as on phone 😐 but def YANBU to send that message, tell them fine dont bother coming then

Goodness I hope that you don’t back down and shut the dog away OP, as other posters have commented, I would politely draw their attention to the original invite and leave it at that. Maybe politely (lots of politeness lol) offer your understanding if they need to change their mind about attending but definitely leave it after that. Just don’t get involved. An invite was offered, they accepted, now it doesn’t suit them, end of.
Focus on the family who want to come and take you as you are!!!

pages and pages of replies and you’ve not understood - they DIDN’T decline her invitation. They accepted and then asked her to remove the dog that was the reason she was offering to host from her home! 🤦🏽‍♀️

They accepted the invite! They didn’t raise any concerns about our dog when they accepted.

If my cousin and this other relative had chosen to decline at the time, or even just decline now, I’d be fine with that. That isn’t what they’ve done though. They are trying to dictate. They have suggested that our dog goes to kennels, is confined to one room away from everyone or stays outside. They have then gone on to try to make me feel guilty by saying that if I don’t do as they ask, my cousin will have to spend Xmas alone with her kids and that I’m cruel, not forgetting the allergy of the other relative that means I will be making her Xmas difficult.

At this point, it’ll be a relief if they just decline. We wont be changing our plans and I don’t want to argue about it. I will happily provide one room that is dog free for the duration of their visit, have a dog free dining room whilst we eat lunch and our dog will not be in any rooms that they will sleep in as I do want everyone to be comfortable, but I’m not willing to do more than that.

You sound lovely and welcoming OP and I feel like they are trying to talk advantage of your kindness. It isn’t like you have suddenly sprung a dog on them, they knew months ago.

We are at a house for Xmas where there will be two dogs. We knew this when we were invited and I know both dogs and I am more than happy to bring my child there. If I didn’t know the dogs and was apprehensive, I would have not have accepted the invitation. In September. Not 3 weeks before and then be a pain about any compromises you were willing to make.

I am on the side of your partner and kids about being a bit more blunt but understand family dynamics can be difficult but if they try to pain you as the villain, definitely push back. Maybe show them this thread

I think the single parent cousin should host the allergic cousin.

"let me get this right"

Well, no, you got it completely wrong.
Not sure how, OP was pretty clear. If you had bothered reading it.

Given what has been going on and said, I would be inclined to knock what was planned on the head. But you need to do it now to give them time to make alternative arrangements.

It looks like they have made their feelings quite clear that your dog must be at the least restricted in their own home, even if they back peddle now, come Christmas they will be wanting your dog out of the way. Young dogs can be bonkers and hard work at the best of times, even a calm dog is likely to be overstimulated with a busy household over Christmas, throw in people who don’t want the dog about…it’s a disaster waiting to happen. You will not be able to relax in your own home for the duration of their visit.

I am left speechless that someone who had a dog allergy decided to spend Christmas in a household with a dog!

I wouldn’t bother making those concessions about dog-free room etc because you know that won’t be enough when they turn up, right? They want the dog banished while they are there and it will be so stressful for your poor pup. Let them pull out of coming.

Simple, it’s your dog’s home and if your cousin or other relatives don’t like it then they don’t have to come and will now need to plan accordingly 🤷‍♀️

You're being more than reasonable, you're being gracious - please continue to be firm.

Sounds like the perfect solution to me? And they could come over for a few hours on Boxing day afternoon or Christmas Eve for mince pies in a room that OP has kindly ensured will be dog free for the duration.

I usually get really irritated by people who prioritise their dog over humans, but in this case I am on your side. Your relatives are out of order.

You need to be clear that your dog will be there in the house. You will not be sending him to kennels or putting him outside. Hopefully they will decline to come.