Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

@MrMucker "Pages and pages of people stating that your family are a bunch of cf's because, let me get this right, they refused an invitation? I don't get it. Nobody harmed your dog. Nobody tried to dictate anything. They just said no, not coming for Christmas. They haven't harmed or slighted anyone, they've simply declined an invitation and given reasons. Deary me"

Deary me that you obviously didn't bother to read the original post, or any updates for that matter. The OP clearly stated she had a dog when she generously offered to host 8 family members for Christmas. They all accepted in the full knowledge of the dog but now, at this late stage, they are making demands that the dog be put in kennels or locked outside. So they very much are dictating and they didn't just decline the invite. Read the OP!

I've never seen a dog related thread that unites both dog people and non-dog people in agreeing the OP is not being unreasonable! Another non dog person here confirming that although it's fine to hate being around dogs, it is indeed unreasonable to expect dog owners to remove their pets from their own home when you visit, particularly if the reason for staying the their own home is they don't want to leave the dog!!

I hope you managed to get everything sorted out OP, and have a happy and dog filled Christmas

Tell them all to enjoy their last minute Christmas elsewhere!

OP, try not to feel guilty or upset. Do you think your cousin feels guilty for distressing you?

You were extremely clear from the start that your entire reason for staying home for Christmas was because of the dog. For your family members to then want you to remove your dog so that they could come to you is absolute nonsense.

It sounds like you and your husband have gone above and beyond for your cousin and she has no reason to be anything but grateful and understanding that things just won't work out this year based on your desire to spend the holiday with your new dog and her desire to not be around a dog. You didn't change the rules at the last minute. They were established up front. She was being extremely unreasonable by asking you to further accommodate her rather than just decline the invitation.

Your loyalty should be to your household, just as her loyalty is clearly to hers. You have done literally nothing wrong and should not be made to feel guilty when your communication was clear from the start.

She knows that if she comes for Xmas, we will all help out with the kids.

Likely she will be there then!

Perhaps she is wanting you to contact her to "beg" her to be there?

If she hasn't responded by tomorrow, make sure she knows not to turn up!

I agree with all of this.

You haven't done anything wrong OP. Stick to your decision on this.

They are being ridiculous! Well done you for standing your ground. That dog is your family just as much and deserves to have a lovely Christmas with you all 🥰 some people really do boggle the mind with their attitude!

Just wanted to add to all the others and say you have not been unreasonable at all and sound lovely, generous and welcoming to host for so many. Anyone who has a dog knows that they are part of the family. There is nothing that would make me put my dog in kennels over Christmas!
I don’t think your cousin will cut of her nose to spite her face but let’s see. The one with allergies could take piriton for one day of the year. What is the relationship between your cousin and the one with allergies could. Could she just be backing the other one up.

Her house,her rules.
You are speaking as if it is an XL bully.
There won’t be a lot of cancellations in her social diary, as it’s just an ordinary dog, a lot of homes have dogs.
As for “a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason” no one is forced to go where they don’t want.

You’ve been far more reasonable than the ungrateful ones deserve.
Good that you’ve only given them to the end of today to let you know what they’re doing as you can put it out of your mind then and just look forward to your Christmas.
Hope your dog gets a good Christmas dinner!

I would resend the message you sent, assuming it was transparent that the dog would be there. State that you are aorry they've changed their minds about spending christmas with you and you hope they have a lovely time. Grey rock everything else

Did you actually read the OP post that they were aware when invited the dog was at the home.Go back and read and you will see this is clear.
There is no lack of self awareness on her part but a lack of reading comprehension on yours.

That you appear insufferable? Yes absolutely proved

How overdramatic is that... ridiculous!

You just made that all up didn’t you,who said it was a regular arrangement.
You appear to be speaking as if many people won’t visit a house with a dog.
Very few this applies to and they are not welcome anyway.
Again, the OP stated from the outset that the reason they were staying home was because they had got a dog.Nothing cowardly about any of this.

MrMucker
Pages and pages of people stating that your family are a bunch of cf's because, let me get this right, they refused an invitation?
I don't get it. Nobody harmed your dog. Nobody tried to dictate anything. They just said no, not coming for Christmas.
They haven't harmed or slighted anyone, they've simply declined an invitation and given reasons.
Deary me 🙄

They accepted an invitation knowing what the household was- then tried to change the dynamics of the household. They are cfs! And I’m not even a dog person!!!

What that none dog people are weird and manipulative, yes she has hasn’t she.
Weird and manipulative.

You've been completely fair, giving people plenty of notice that your dog will be around. The concessions you've already offered are fine.

The relative claiming you have spoilt her Christmas is being ridiculous.

Overdramatic to dislike dogs?

She can’t, terrified of dogs, shouldn’t be allowed in normal civilisation. She is triggered by the OP, it mentions dogs!

This has to be a parody account...

The troll is back everyone...

Dislike is not what your behaviour is saying? You’re obsessed and clearly quite obsessive about dogs. You know the pets that millions have.

Lots of people dislike dogs, but aren't batshit crazy like you...