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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Christmas Issue

644 replies

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

OP posts:
whitewinefriday · 06/12/2025 12:31

Simplelobsterhat · 06/12/2025 12:23

I'm not a dog person and I don't think yabu op. I think it is likely the relatives are only just thinking through the practicalities, so I can see why they have suddenly gone off the idea of being with the dog ( the idea of supervising a 2 year old around a dog for an extended period of time would fill me with dread), but they should have thought more carefully before accepting your kind hospitality (not many people host cousins and cousins kids for Xmas, nevermind offering them the amount of practical help you have, so you are being very generous). They have no right to dictate anything.

Same here, I’m not a huge fan of dogs either but I’m definitely on the OP’s side here

CopeNorth · 06/12/2025 12:33

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Yes. I think that’s fair. I would add that the whole reason you made plans to stay home was so you did not have to make any plans for the dog.

I get that dogs aren’t for everyone. But people should be able to understand that they are part of the family to those that do.

good luck x

Blizzardofleaves · 06/12/2025 12:34

I too would uninvite then. I wouldn’t accept any further nonsense from them. Very rude of them!

Blizzardofleaves · 06/12/2025 12:35

Pls update on their reply.

Your poor dog, I would be furious!

KittyFinlay · 06/12/2025 12:37

I dislike dogs and am allergic to them but absolutely wouldn't dream of asking someone to remove a dog from their own home so I can visit!

RunningJo · 06/12/2025 12:38

I was too outraged to read everything - what cheeky fuckers they are!
I’d be suggesting telling them that as they aren’t happy, they’d be better hosting Christmas themselves with those that don’t want to mix with the dog - whose house they will be visiting!
honestly - some people 🤯

WinterTreacle · 06/12/2025 12:39

The cheek! My dog is family and it’s his home too. Tell them they knew you had a dog and if they’re not happy then don’t come. End of.

Zempy · 06/12/2025 12:42

I’m wondering if cousin has another reason they want to back out of having Christmas with OP?

A new man on the scene? Just plain old Christmas overwhelm? Try not to feel guilty, she might just be trying to wriggle out of attending.

whitewinefriday · 06/12/2025 12:43

Have any of them replied yet, OP?

CopeNorth · 06/12/2025 12:48

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

must be frightening to be so allergic you can’t be in the same building as a dog. 😢

Original poster
ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 12:58

Zempy · 06/12/2025 12:42

I’m wondering if cousin has another reason they want to back out of having Christmas with OP?

A new man on the scene? Just plain old Christmas overwhelm? Try not to feel guilty, she might just be trying to wriggle out of attending.

It’s crossed my mind, but she knows me well enough to know that I’d be very happy to have Xmas with my partner, children and our dog, but even without my cousin, her kids and other relative that is causing a problem, we still have other family coming anyway.

I don’t think there’s any man on the scene. If there was she wouldn’t want him around her children for a very long time, especially at Xmas.

It was only just over 4 weeks ago that she asked if she could have the kids main presents delivered here so she must have had intention of coming to us at least until that point. My partner built the bike and dolls house and sent her a photo saying they’re all done and look great about 2 weeks ago and she was really pleased, sounded happy to tick something off her list of things to do and no mention of any reluctance to come.

OP posts:
EsmeArcher · 06/12/2025 13:00

I hope she does reply and you can all look forward to enjoying Christmas together.
Maybe it would help if you made a little script so start by saying how all of you, including your adult children are looking forward to Christmas with her and the little children.
How the adult dc will be on hand to ‘child and dog wrangle’ if things become a bit stressful for the dog or the kids, and they can be relied upon to take the dog out for a little while, or distract her children.
It sounds like she’s recently single and is probably dreading Christmas for all sorts of reasons, and latching onto the dog may be a way for her express her anxiety about other things going on in her life.
You clearly love her and have enjoyed each other’s company over many years, and I really hope you can come to a happy solution for all of you.

SockFluffInTheBath · 06/12/2025 13:03

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 12:29

I’ve been thinking about giving her a call but I’m not sure if to or not. I absolutely dread it turning into an argument. We have never argued before. I will see what she says if/when she responds and then based on that I may give her a call. I really hate this feeling, if there is something else going on I’d rather know but if it’s just what she says, I won’t really know what to say on a phone call as it just so unreasonable and makes no sense. At least when it’s messages you have time to digest what’s said and come up with a response.

Show quote history

OP I wouldn’t call her. It’s easier to be manipulated and guilt tripped in a call, easier to slip into agreeing to something you don’t want, and easier for a stressed person to say something they regret. If she calls you I wouldn’t pick up. Keep it in the chat for a few days until the initial feelings have passed.

MyrtleLion · 06/12/2025 13:03

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 12:29

I’ve been thinking about giving her a call but I’m not sure if to or not. I absolutely dread it turning into an argument. We have never argued before. I will see what she says if/when she responds and then based on that I may give her a call. I really hate this feeling, if there is something else going on I’d rather know but if it’s just what she says, I won’t really know what to say on a phone call as it just so unreasonable and makes no sense. At least when it’s messages you have time to digest what’s said and come up with a response.

Show quote history

I think she's a worrier. Having worrier about the presents being delivered to hers and then arranging for you to have them, assemble them and wrap them, she then moved on to worrying about the wrapping of other presents.

Now that's been sorted she's moved on to worrying about the dog. If you sort that out she'll worry about something else.

I don't know how you resolve it, but certainly saying you're looking forward to seeing her and excited about the little ones believing in Santa may help overcome her worries.

DottieMoon · 06/12/2025 13:04

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 06:08

I disagree. They likely accepted accepted out of courtesy as it’s a regular arrangement. Once it then transpired that the OP was not making suitable arrangements for the animal when considering young children will be present, the issue surfaced.

I image she knew all along what their reaction would be but has tried to take the cowardly was out by inviting them knowing it was going to be an issue rather than telling them from the outset that she now considers and animal to be more important than her family and one of them are invited.

People know who will and won’t visit when dogs are around. It’s hardly a revelation in most cases.

Show quote history

You’re just completely making this scenario up. You must be very bored.

MrsVBS · 06/12/2025 13:08

I think I’d be relieved if they all said they weren’t coming. You made it clear at the outset your reasons for staying home. I’d do a group message saying you had made it clear you had a dog and that as it’s caused so much drama you’ve decided to have Christmas on your own!

Marieb19 · 06/12/2025 13:11

I hope you, your children, your dog and whichever relatives take up your invitation have a very merry Christmas. I would hope the relatives who are trying to bully you into changing your arrangements make alternative arrangements quickly because I wouldn't want to be hosting them.

Original poster
ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 13:13

whitewinefriday · 06/12/2025 12:43

Have any of them replied yet, OP?

We have had confirmation from the 4 that are no trouble. Nothing from my relative with allergy or my cousin. My partner has said I need to stop thinking about it but easier said than done! As I just wasn’t expecting it and we were all looking forward to it, it’s left me feeling upset. I didn’t sleep last night. Silly really but although I can deal with things like this, they do make me uncomfortable.

OP posts:
HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 06/12/2025 13:14

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 12:58

It’s crossed my mind, but she knows me well enough to know that I’d be very happy to have Xmas with my partner, children and our dog, but even without my cousin, her kids and other relative that is causing a problem, we still have other family coming anyway.

I don’t think there’s any man on the scene. If there was she wouldn’t want him around her children for a very long time, especially at Xmas.

It was only just over 4 weeks ago that she asked if she could have the kids main presents delivered here so she must have had intention of coming to us at least until that point. My partner built the bike and dolls house and sent her a photo saying they’re all done and look great about 2 weeks ago and she was really pleased, sounded happy to tick something off her list of things to do and no mention of any reluctance to come.

Show quote history

If they don't come now, will she pick up the presents or expect you to take them to her?

ChristmasStars · 06/12/2025 13:15

I think I would call the cousin and just say you wanted to check if she's ok.

Itwasallyellow2 · 06/12/2025 13:22

I wouldn’t call or message any of them again. You’ve set the boundary and asked for a response by the end of today which is perfectly reasonable. The rest is up to them. They need to make their choices and manage the consequences. This is for them to deal with and problem-solve, not you.

canklesmctacotits · 06/12/2025 13:23

I’m not a dog person at all but in your case I think you’re being entirely reasonable. Setting the dog issue aside - the relative who’s allergic is going to have to go elsewhere. If they can’t read properly, that’s on them.

For your cousin: this time of year is ridiculously hectic for one working adult in charge of nursery and primary aged children. It’s normal life, but worse because you’ve got so many added burdens. I suspect she may not have had the time or headspace to think through the reality of what Christmas in your house will be like: 5 extra adults to help her out, three young adults to watch the dog and play with her children, she would only have to help with logistics not be in charge of them, etc. Once she gets herself and her DC over to you she should feel a weight off her shoulders. Do you think she appreciates this? You will greet her at her car when she pulls up, children can run inside, you help her unpack and bring her stuff in, give her a glass of wine while children play and chat with others - in reality the dog will be forgotten within an hour. It’ll just be there in the background.

Cousin sounds stressed and flustered and bothered and lashing out. She needs a break and I think she would get one at yours. Can you call her and tell her this? That the three of them will be properly looked after from the minute they arrive?

Nothingbutstress · 06/12/2025 13:23

Try and relax, it’s not your problem, you’ve been perfectly reasonable. Don’t worry about your cousin, she’s been ridiculous! It’s your house and you’ve been very generous offering to host. Your eldest posting pictures of the dog to the group chat made me laugh 😂 your cousin and others need to chill out.
Enjoy your Christmas with your family and your dog, hope you have a good one 🎄

JG4 · 06/12/2025 13:25

ChristmasIssue · 06/12/2025 02:55

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

The dog lives in your house , that is his HOME . If people have a problem with it , they should not come, simple really .

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/12/2025 13:28

Tourmalines · 06/12/2025 03:06

They are ridiculous. Your dog , your home . You offered a solution but they don’t care . Stuff them .

Sums it up! CFs the lot of them. My dogs are the reason I stay home, if people don’t want to visit (allergies, dog phobias) then they don’t.. Enjoy a fab Christmas op, in your home with your family (which includes DD - darling Dog).