Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Brilliant update, OP, I think some members of your family are completely bonkers accepting your invitiation KNOWING your dog will be there, and then kicking off about it IN DECEMBER.

Ridiculous, its a dog, not a tiger, why are you raising your kids to be such fearful little drama queen's?

It works both ways. Threads here are constantly bersting dogs for invading public places, well your home is your dogs space. I'd swiftly uninvite them. You made it very clear that the dog would be present at the start. If they dont like that, that's unfortunate.

Your home, your rules. You were clear about the dog. The relatives are being very rude and selfish.

To the dog haters on the thread, this isn't really about the dog, it's about people accepting an invitation and them trying to dictate whst happens.

As an example, swop the dog being in the house for the OP inviting family for Christmas and carefully explaining that as she (or another guest) is allergic to nuts/dairy/seafood or whatever, none of these will be included in the Christmas food. Everyone accepts the invitation in September and then in December start moaning that they love nut roast/cheesecake/prawn cocktail and if those aren't served will not come. They then rope in other people to tell the OP how horrible she is.

It isn't the dog, it's the entitled and demanding behaviour of the potential guests.

They accepted the invite knowing the dog was there and then subsequently declined later on. The op was actuslly very straight up, the guests were the ones lacking awareness.

Riddiculous statement

Don’t be ridiculous. The OP isn’t prioritising a dog over a child. Your other post about a lot of people never visiting op because of the dog is equally stupid. The OP has a dog, it’s the reason she is staying home this Christmas. She has invited relatives, who know about the dog, they said yes. Now they are putting conditions on the OP, in her own home regarding the dog. Throw in a bit of emotional blackmail, a bit like your comments, and hey presto the OP is the grinch.
And for what it’s worth, whilst I grew up with a dog, to me it is just that, a dog.

OP it seems all your relatives know it is actually a Bengal tiger - only you and your DF think it's a dog.

Don’t be so silly! Lots of people priories their family pet over other people’s children! It’s perfectly normal.

this family have said they are staying at home this year because they want to be with their family pet and don’t want to put him in kennels. Perfectly reasonable and the wider family are being completely unreasonable.

if the conditions at the hosting household don’t suit then decline the invitation. Easy

It’s nothing to do with fear. Dogs are grim. Other than working dogs they serve no purpose other than to cover up for owners social inadequacies.

They have no place in a civilised society.

All you can do is be clear, concise and consistent. Don’t bend. You’ve made your plans clear; they either accept or they don’t. That’s up to them and it’s not for you to compromise here. Sod the lot of them quite frankly and bravo to your son for not taking any shit.

Tell them to feck right off. It’s your dogs home and if they don’t like it tough. They can go to each others homes if they want to spend it together. I’d rather spend Xmas with my dogs than most of my family.

Lol...it's an angle I suppose.

I'm with your son @ChristmasIssue 'My oldest has just put a few photos of our dog having his advent calendar treat and out on his morning walk on the same group chat'

September
You to fam. 'We're having Christmas at home this year because of the dog. You're welcome to come.
Fam to you. 'Great! We're all coming.'

December
Fam to you. 'Get rid of the dog.'

They're mad.

I am allergic to dogs and pretty scared of them but I have no idea what she’s on about. I can choose where to go and the most I’ve ever asked is that friends maybe hold back a particularly jumpy dog when I arrive so we all have a minute to get used to each other. I have a friend with 4 dogs and we just don’t go there as it’s too much for me. Super weird to accept an invite and then demand accommodations

No good deed goes unpunished does it!!

The answwr is obvioua. You are right. They are wrong. Tell them all to bugger off..

Well done OP. I don’t think it’s always appreciated that people have different dispositions and personality types, and that standing up for yourself comes easier to some of us than others. I worry about pushing back, even if I’m completely in the right, which you really are in this scenario! Some people - probably your cousin included - are used to getting what they want through railroading others into agreeing to their every demand. They’ve still plenty of time to make arrangements, you’ve not ruined anyone’s Christmas

Read the full thread, especially the OP's comments, carefully.

NOT a "regular arrangement" at all. And you do not "accept out of courtesy" if the invitation makes clear there will be a dog there. Don't you think?

😃

That's perfect imo, but then all I see in your username is anal, so what do I know!

I'm always nice and reasonable, but my actual thinking is "you can take the moral high ground when you prise it out of my cold, dead hand"! 😀

Great email OP. And I think your son adding the photos is great. Hopefully it will do the trick.

See, you're entitled to that opinion, but presumably, if someone invited you to their house for Xmas saying "We're staying home because of the dog", you wouldn't accept eagerly and then later, instruct the host to get rid of the dog?

Because that's utterly unreasonable. Isn't it?

You’re not unreasonable about ridiculous “guests” claiming the right to control what happens in YOUR home.

tell them to bugger off.

However, you are unreasonable for not including a photo of this apparent hound from hell that makes your family quake in fear…

This is like a reverse situation to the smelly Labrador thread, isn't it? That woman was wrong, don't foist your dog on others.
This one? This is where the dog lives and you've made the situation clear.
They should stay away.