Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

Personally I’d uninvite the lot of them and cosy up with pooch. Cousin has 3 weeks to make arrangements for presents.

Too many posts to read them all.

I wouldn’t rely on that type of defence if you ever end up in court!

You're one of those posters who makes a chicken last a week

Head tilt

Silvery laugh

Hard stare

Surely, any Christmas "issue", dog breeds or relatives....you have the first, foremost and last say who comes to your house.
If something doesn't work, then everyone can stay at home.

She has already said its a tiny little mongrel. And its still irrelevant, the OPs cousin accepted the invitation knowing about the dog and the breed of the dog, she then waited a period of time to make noises. That is on OPs cousin, not on OP. You say you would have agreed not to go in the first place and if OPs cousin had done that then that would be grand, but she didn't and that is the issue.

I’d put money on a dog hating member of the wider family having dripped poison about your dog in the ears of one of your invited guests who has got cold feet and roped the other guest in for solidarity. And that is why other members of with wider family are piling on too.
Have a fab Christmas and leave everyone else too it.

Just tell them thst due to unforseen circumstances everyone is uninvited. I honestly couldn't be arsed with this drama. If you tell them now it gives them chance to source and plan their own Xmas dinner.

I have not read all 12 pages of comments. People often don't. I asked the question that was all.
And in my view not irrelevant. I agree your point she should not have accepted if they knew and didn't like the breed of dog. But the cousin may have had second thoughts.
Who knows !
My first post was that the dog comes with the house.

Come on, you can just read the OPs posts at least.

Well you can read all of the OP's comments before posting, you don't have to read all the other comments. And I think it is irrelevant. Her having second thoughts is, again, on her, not on the OP and that doesn't give anyone reason to ask the OP to restrict the dog. The cousin knew the type of dog.

Go with your text, and ignore all further communication until the new year. What a bunch of cheeky twats.

I’ve spoken to my partner and told him that mumsnet have confirmed I am not being unreasonable. 😅

My partner said to stop going over it all in my head and get it sorted. So, I have just now sent a message to all relatives on the group chat reminding them that I said back in September that we were staying home due to our dog, and that if the dog is an issue to any of them, I’ll understand if they can no longer make it. I’ve asked them to confirm whether they’re coming or not by the end of today so that I can plan food, sleeping arrangements etc. I’ve then also just sent my cousin a text separately saying that I understand if she can no longer come, and that if she cant, we’ll box up the presents and she can arrange a courier to get them.

My oldest has just put a few photos of our dog having his advent calendar treat and out on his morning walk on the same group chat that feels highly sensitive at the moment. I did laugh when I saw them but I could kill him, he thinks he is hilarious.

I’m genuinely not a pushover but I feel really bloody sick. I will say what needs saying but I still hate this sort of thing and I just really didn’t see this coming. I also feel like a total drama queen putting this on here but I really started to think I was missing something. You never know if when your partner and kids are saying you’re not unreasonable whether they’re just being really loyal or we’re all just not seeing something so the thread has actually helped.

Here we go. Someone blindly allowing their hatred of dogs to actually excuse themselves from reading the actual post. OP tells relatives having Xmas at hone with dog. Invites people on that basis. People say they want to come. Then say 'but no dog please'. Can't you, even a teeny weeny bit, see that that's got nothing to do with OP being selfish?

’Sorry everyone, I think everything has got a bit confused. We’re staying home because of wanting to be with our new dog, and not kennel him etc. You’re all still welcome to come, but the dog will be there. Will also, understand if this means anyone wants to change their plans. Thanks all ☺️’

Have another read of the OP.

Bravo! Well done OP....

Your son sounds awesome 😎

Oh OP what a stress and a palaver. I will be keeping up with you on this one...really feel for you. I am 100% on your team.
Understand why you'd like to avoid offence and upset over this but unfortunately you can't control how other people choose to be.

Don't envy you this pish. Xx

Youve done the right thing Op.

I appreciate its left you feeling uncomfortable. But they've forced your hand very unfairly - thats their responsibility not yours.

It will settle down and be forgotten about in the fullness of time.

This is such a weird way to entertain yourself. Some trolls are quite funny and I get why they do it. But this is...odd.

From what you’ve said about your cousin, it sounds like she’s just very stressed. If she’s got a toddler, she’s probably already thinking about having to constantly corral the child in a non-childproofed house. Adding having to stop it trying to poke the dog or chew the dog toys is probably freaking her out.

Why don’t you get a stairgate as a compromise and say something like this:
’Hi Cousin, I’ve been thinking on what you said & realised that as our house isn’t childproofed, it’s really not going to be safe for little Tommy to be wandering round without supervision, even without the dog. What will be best is if we put a stair gate on the living room so you don’t have to keep eyes on him every second.

I know you’re worried about DDog, but when you’ve met him you’ll see that he is very small & very calm. If the kids are uncomfortable with him, then we can keep them apart. There will be at least 6 adults in the house to help things go smoothly.

We’re really looking forward to seeing you on the 21st, love OP’

I expect after making a fuss, she needs a bit of an ‘out’. I would completely ignore trouble-stirring allergic relative at this point. I don’t believe they have any allergies that won’t be cured by a large glass of sherry.

Well done OP, that's the perfect response.

Resend that message to the group as a reminder of why you're staying home and offered to host.

Excellent work 💝and from your son!! Legend!