The mums are going out FOMO

[Peppa421]

I’m friendly enough with DD’s class mums (year 2) I say hi and bye but not overly close with them. One posted in the group chat about end of term lunch with the kids to a Restarant chain near by. I politely declined because I’m not sociable and I don’t fancy dealing with my DD and her elder brother too and most likely they will fight the entire meal. But listening to all the chatter on the group chat I feel a little down. My mental health is not great right now but I’m working on it by getting my environment clean and tidy and not letting myself get too stressed out which makes me worse. It seems like lots are going. In class of 22 about 13 have said yes.

I feel really depressed listening to them as I wish I could be normal but if I said yes I would be thinking about it and obsessing over the things that could go wrong from now till the 2 weeks when it happens. Can anyone relate or give me advice? I truthfully don’t want to go but I feel I should be going and my DD is missing out. Please help me feel better I feel so down. I wish I wasn’t so crazy and wish I was normal.

Archive and mute the chat and DO NOT CHECK IT

then 3 days before, check it and check in with yourself and decide if you want t go. Even if you go l just for a short amount of time

Just say you'll go, then on the day if you don't feel up to it you can make an excuse.

It’s a place where you have to book before and if I want to be seated with them I would have to decide now as tables being booked by the mum who suggested it.

I don’t actually want to go but I feel sad that I’m not going if that makes sense? I feel like a loser - I don’t know how to describe my feelings. I’m not well mentally but generally I can’t ever explain how I’m feeling or articulate it very well

Yep, this

Can anyone relate to how I’m feeling? Do you do this too? Is there possibly a name for this?!

I do this too!

Social anxiety is a very common trait of neurodiversity - think autism or ADHD.

Decide for you and don't look back. Work towards getting to know 1 or 2 in an easier setting. It can be so difficult in big gatherings.

I can’t relate but it sounds like anxiety and warrants a check with your GP. Would your kid like to go ie would they be missing out? Maybe use that as your fuel to get it sorted.

I don’t think so. As I think DD will be bored. It’s a Restarant and we go as a family anyway so won’t miss out. Next year when I’m feeling better I can organise something with a few of them. DD will be in a new school next year too as this one finishes at year 2 and lots of kids separate to go to junior school there’s about 5 possible ones in the area

I think you feel ambivalent about it.

I know this feeling. But also let it pass.

Try to go. The fear will be be worse if ypu dont go and everytime a meeting is mentioned you will withdraw further. It will be fun or at least a change to meet people.

Glad my parents were different.

I’m thinking of arranging something with DS’s class mums not all of them as that’s too stressful for me! But just few of us but an activity so kids won’t be bored and it’s not awkward having to sit there and chat

Oh @Octonaut4Lifethat is an awful thing to do! As the one who usually organises these sorts of things my greatest bugbear is people who drop out last minute. At Christmas they usually require a deposit and inevitably the one who organises it covers at least a couple others who always ‘forget’ (though I’ve learned my lesson and say no deposit no meal). But at the very least if you book for 13 plus kids that’s a fair amount of the restaurant’s takings. And if people drop out (and there’s always a couple) then that’s 20% less. They will be pissed.
If you say yes you go, unless you’ve broken your leg or some one has died. In this case the OP should decline, then if she feels like she wants to go last minute, ask if there’s room.

I would seriously mug this event off. It sounds like its not your thing. Dont feel bad.

Thank you. My DD doesn’t like the food in this place either as she’s quite a fussy eater so I’m dreading the tantrums!

Well it sounds like a no brainer then 🙂say no, you can do it xx

I just feel upset that other kids can just go anywhere and eat anything plus not fight with their siblings. My kids feel feral compared to all the others

Well, decide whether it’s your own disinclination or your expectations of what the children can’t cope with that’s really stopping you?

Try not to overthink it.

And watch Motherland if you haven't already, it'll give you a laugh.

These years are hard, worse still if ND. Try not to feel bad.

You don’t know that the other kids will eat or
that they won’t fight. Some parents won’t care or they will manage those things if they arise. It doesn’t sound like something you and your family will enjoy, so in that case you aren’t missing out on anything good. You will probably be far happier with whatever you do that day instead.

You’ll be surprised at how many people overthink about those sort of social occasions , it’s very common to worry about and to pick apart everything that could go wrong - you truly are not alone in that !
if its not too late you should see if you can join , it will be great for you and be great for your daughter .

I’ve been in a very similar situation and made myself go despite knowing no one and it’s ment i’ve made some good solid friends that will keep me company throughout the primary school years

Thank you. What do you think of if I arrange a get together with just a few mums from DS class instead? DD will also enjoy as they have younger siblings who might come too plus we can do an activity rather than sit around a table talking which I know will rile my kids up as they want to run around and do activities

Nasty