Surely I’m allowed to decide what body type I have ??!

[JustLeaveMeAlonePlease]

I was reading something about midsize fashion yesterday at lunch, mentioned it to a friend and said about how I struggle to find things that fit well and suit me (I’m a pear shape 5’10 and 9.5-10 stone my weight fluctuates within the size I wear depending on time of month etc- size 10) and she had a go at me ! Said that I’m too thin and calling myself midsize is not ok ?

But I’m very disproportionate and feel heavy ? Midsize clothing ideas suit me. She was then saying maybe I even have an eating disorder if I see myself that way.
Surely this is fine for me to see myself as midsize due to my shape/proportions and what suits me ? She was actually fuming though

As an actual midsize woman (5”2, size 14, sometimes have to get a 16 and sometimes can get into a 12), it’s really frustrating when I see slim women describing themselves as ‘midsize’. I search using the ‘midsize’ term for outfit inspo and to see how things look on similar body types to me. By all means use the term for inspiration when looking up outfit ideas etc but you’re a slim, tall, size 10 woman, you are not midsize. Being a pearshape is not the same as being midsize.

Your friend is unreasonable to get worked up about how you choose to describe your own body. Unless you have a propensity to stealth boast about being thin, in which case her irritation is understandable.

Agree. Long before I became more of a barrel shape after pregnancy, I was 5' 6" and a size 12-ish. What that actually meant was that I was a 12 on the bottom and an 8-10 on the top. I wasn't mid-size by any stretch, but I did feel a bit out of proportion, so I get that. I'm actually mid-size now, meaning pretty average, almost-size-14 and there's a big difference.

I suspect the friend’s ‘upset’ isn’t from a one-off eye-roll moment, and that the OP makes a habit of going on about her size when she is clearly underweight.

I’m with your friend. It really is tiresome when slim women try to pretend they’re not. Men don’t do it.

I think the pile on is unhelpful. With the stats the OP has given, her BMI is between 19 and 20, which is in the healthy range for a woman. (An earlier poster got it wrong). So, not underweight.

Yes, she is slim, but people who are tall, me included, may not feel “small” because they are not “petite”. So, a size 12-14 (medium) hoodie may feel right to accommodate broader shoulders and give a little more length. In particular, if you have a long back, everything can feel too small. Or, if the OP feels her bottom half is disproportionately chunkier, this will affect her self-perception too.

And she might just prefer a more mid size silhouette to suit her height. It’s not for her friend to label her.

Midsize isn't a body type, it's a size.

It's exhausting dealing with people who need constant reassurance or propping up or even just hearing them complain about non issues. It starta affecting your own view of your body after a while, I'm glad the friend pushed back, good on her.

She's probably fed up of the fishing for compliments/stealth boasting with absolutely no basis in reality.

At a size 10 bottom and pear shaped, you are quite clearly NOT midsize (even if you like clothes designed for midsize people).. FWIW I've never heard the term, but my immediate response would be the 14-16-18 category, of which you are no where near.

As a colleague, I'd be rolling my eyes out of my head at you, but as a friend I'd probably call out that sort of ridiculousness too! She's doing you a favour actually as you may now think twice before complaining to people who ARE mid size and embarrassing yourself!

I'm almost exactly the same height, weight, shape and measurements as the OP. I do not have disordered eating, 'food issues' or dysmorphia
I know exactly what the OP means about the pear-shape thing; people do tend to focus in on my height and my narrow torso and long arms, and not see or consider my 40-inch hips.
It's also clear from her posts what she's talking about when she mentions midsize clothes/fashion/ideas; she's clearly not saying she is midsize – I don't know why people are accusing her of that – but that dressing that way suits her shape. I also size up sometimes to accommodate my long arms and/or if I want a more relaxed silhouette.

This 'friend' is behaving really weirdly and badly to have a go at the OP about this, and it's very rude to tell someone they're too thin. Also a bit dim as, if the OP looks anything like me, she will look tall and slender but certainly not skin and bone.

A more relevant question to me would be - why you both care so much? If someone said I was small / midsized / even large, I wouldn't care at all. Even if I didn't agree with their assessment. It's obviously taking up a lot of your headspace, and I think it would be worth you looking into why you think this is x

Gently OP, all your posts read as someone with a disordered view of her body.

At your height and weight you are slim by anyone's standards, and yet seen convinced you are mid size. You say that size 10 bottoms fit you because they are stretchy, but even stretchy size 10 bottoms are not ever going to fit someone who is bigger than a size 10-12.

You also talk about 'hiding' your hips. Why are you trying to hide parts of your body? This indicates to me that you are very body conscious and don't feel like your body is good enough and so has to be hidden.

I think it would benefit you to think seriously about what your friend has said about explore and try to heal your relationship with your body.

You are not a Before Picture by Alex Light is a very good book for making peace with your body.

YABVU for posting your height, weight and measurements!
People often do that on here.

If you don’t you’re not considering the impact of your post on others. Do we all need to accompany every post with a content warning?

Tbh, you both sound unreasonable for putting so much emphasis on body size/shape/weight, it's a fairly dull topic. What does it matter??

That was just unnecessary. This isn’t a gender thread.

Everything you write makes me worried that you have a disordered relationship with your body. With the greatest respect, while you may prefer to wear midsize clothes, your friend is right and you can't accurately therefore say your actual BODY is midsize. It isn't. From all the information you have given, you are slender and quite possibly underweight.

But you 'feel' heavy. You 'feel' like a pear-shape. You 'feel' like there's something about your proportions that mean you need to dress to hide them.

None of that make you mid-sized, and your friend probably had a go at you because she's worried about you being 'too thin'. Or because you routinely talk to her about how heavy you are, when she can see you are not. My best friend once roasted me HARD for complaining about being fat when she was overweight and I was not - I was mortified, she was right.

You can't see that your friend is right, and that's a concern.

She specifically asks, surely I get to decide what body type I am?

She's talking about body, not style of clothes.

she's clearly not saying she is midsize – I don't know why people are accusing her of that

She DOES refer to herself as midsize though, on here and obviously to her friend, which has what has prompted her friend to tell her it's not okay and she may have an issue:

Surely this is fine for me to see myself as midsize due to my shape/proportions and what suits me ?

Preferring to wear midstyle clothes does not make you 'midsize'. Anyone can size up into baggy clothes, but it doesn't make you that clothing size, and going around complaining to people that you ARE that baggier size, when you are clearly not, is just asking for a response IMO.

The friend wasn't giving her unsolicited judgement.

No, but it is a thread about someone feeling a certain way about their own body, and everyone else telling them they have a disorder.

I find it odd that’s it’s perfectly acceptable to pile on the OP, but unacceptable to do that for other groups of people who feel a certain way about their bodies.

I’m struggling to see where the parameters of a disorder lie, because of what is being said on this thread.

Totally agree with this.

I describe myself as stocky because I am muscular but I also have a lower end BMI. Other peoples' idea of stocky is different especially nowadays.

OP describes herself as midsize because of her body type and the clothing she wears that suits her. Other people have different opinions of what midsize may mean. Either opinion is valid.

She doesn't say she is midsize.
Her BMI may be at the lower end, but that's not the same as being underweight. I am very similar to the OP and have never had a medical professional express concerns about my own weight.

I can also assure you I am pear-shaped and yes, my bottom half can be accurately described as 'heavy' due to my shape and to the difference between it and my upper body.
I like to dress to emphasise my slimmer top half/small waist. Or, you might say, 'hide', or minimise, my heavier bottom half. What's the problem with that? MN is full of threads where women ask about how to minimise their large boobs or stomachs and emphasise small waists or nice shoulders etc.

You're welcome to look at midsize ideas. I find them useful too, much more so than seeing ideas on a very model-like body. I'm a size 8 but only 5'3" . However, you aren't technically midsize and neither am I although I am probably bigger than you due to my height.

Why not just say to your friend that you find the ideas from midsize dressing useful no matter what your body size is.

OP, I kind of get where you're coming from. I am a little shorter than you and I weigh just under 9stone. I am objectively small, but I don't feel it because I am full busted and genuinely curvy. I think that those of us who grew up during the 90s and 00s and saw normal women called 'fat' and extremely underweight women touted as the ideal of beauty have a distorted body image. That being said, your friend is correct and you are not midsize, and neither am I.

By 'see myself as midsize' and by all the other things the OP says, she seems to mean she uses the term midsize as a way to think about shapes and ways of dressing that suit her.

But in any case, a size 10 can be considered midsize if you consider that many clothes start at a 6. 10 is sometimes also described as 'small to medium' in clothes labels.

A 10 is not medium on someone as tall as the OP.