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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious?

802 replies

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:35

On Thursdays I meet my childminder at the school gates to hand over my 1 year old while I’m picking up my 6 year old.
We had a brief chat and then she said (in front of a few other people) she’d seen we’d been away at the weekend and that ‘maybe I should pay my childcare bill before I book holidays’. Three people turned around and I was bright red in the face. How unprofessional!
For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

I’m thinking of transferring to a nursery as there may be more professional boundaries in place. She should not have mentioned that in front of others. AIBU?

OP posts:
user1471600850 · 05/12/2025 08:21

Simple answer - pay your bill on time - it's not hard!

MangoBiscuit · 05/12/2025 08:21

You absolutely should switch to a nursery, then your CM can offer your space to someone who will pay on time, and not be so unreasonable.

Gretafamily · 05/12/2025 08:22

I assume your mortgage company don’t mind if you pay a bit late?

NetZeroZealot · 05/12/2025 08:22

She’s entitled to set whatever commercisl terms she wants. She is running a business not providing a public service.
And you are entitled to use a different provider if you don’t like those terms.

LoyalMember · 05/12/2025 08:23

Don't give her an excuse to have to address the issue in this manner. You do that by paying the bill for her services on time. Quite a simple solution.

Star81 · 05/12/2025 08:24

Sorry, as much as she shouldn’t have maybe said that in earshot of others but paying late is u acceptable. She has bills to pay, and maybe you paying late means she can’t pay her mortgage, gas etc on time and get a fine for non payment - so maybe that what the other £100 you paid her is for !! If your work didn’t pay you you would be furious. So is she

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 05/12/2025 08:25

She was unprofessional but she’s clearly at the end of her tether with you paying her late frequently.

It’s not her responsibility to remind you, it’s yours to remember to pay your fucking bill.

Cyclebabble · 05/12/2025 08:25

You have been late by the look of it a number of times and you do not seem to care. I do not think it was right to have embarrassed you at the school gate, but if I were your child minder I would say the next time you were late, that was it on the grounds of persistent contractual breach. It does sound like you think she is doing you a favour OP which comes across as quite arrogant.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 05/12/2025 08:26

I'm retired now but in my 45 years of paid work (in retail, banking, education, telecoms, charity sector and more), I never once had to 'remind' my employers to pay me.

Your childminder is probably the most important service you pay for. Value her accordingly and pay up promptly.

Daisymae55 · 05/12/2025 08:26

I’ve been in the position of people paying invoices late and it really screwed me over. Yes she wasn’t particularly professional but if you’re paying so late you’ve incurred £100 in late fees you are the unreasonable one. I can’t blame her for being unprofessional as I know how frustrating it is. I assume you have a contract with her that basically comes down to she agrees to look after your child, you agree to pay on time.

InterestedDad37 · 05/12/2025 08:26

I'd be furious if my income was late, and it was clear that the person who pays me for the work I do for them didn't see it as necessary to remember to pay me. And I really wouldn't care who was around when I brought it up. It's work. You pay her for it. If it's late, it may have repercussions for her own finances.

Bumblebee72 · 05/12/2025 08:27

It was unprofessional but she shouldn't have to chase you for payment. Maybe she wants lower admin clients?

notquiteruralbliss · 05/12/2025 08:27

But the childminder is a service provider who invoices. Payment within a few days seems perfectly reasonable. IHaving said that, I would never have used a childminder. I prefered my childcarers to be employees with auto payroll and not have yet another service provider to remember to pay.

Ellie1015 · 05/12/2025 08:27

Its the run up to Christmas! I expect needed her money. Outrageous to be late more than once in a while. £100 late fee means you were 10 days late multiple times.

She wont want the stress of wondering if you will pay on time or the inconvenience of chasing you.

If your work paid you late and said "we have never not paid, and its only a few days," with a whats her problem attitude you would be livid.

Move to nursery it will cost you a fortune and they will also expect paid on tkme without reminders. Finding a childminder you trust and that your child settles with is great, you dont know how lucky you are.

YourOliveBalonz · 05/12/2025 08:27

She’s not sending you ‘reminders’, she’s having to chase your late payments every month and she’s fed up about it. You can move to a more professional nursery setting if you like, they will tolerate your late payments even less.

Millionsfpeople · 05/12/2025 08:28

You wouldn’t get away with that in a nursery!

Futurehappiness · 05/12/2025 08:28

I've no time at all for people who pay their service providers late sorry. She will have bills and expenses of her own which may rely on your prompt payment. You deserved everything you got.

SparkleSpriteDust · 05/12/2025 08:28

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

Didn't think to mention that in your OP?

I thought reading the OP alone that the childminder probably had very good reason to say what she did in public.

She is right and you are rude and disrespectful.

Good for her for showing you up.

ScrambledEggForBrains · 05/12/2025 08:28

You are withholding her wages. What do you think?....

ClaredeBear · 05/12/2025 08:29

You’re using a service and not paying on time and she has the right to stop doing business with you and add late fees, etc. She was completely unprofessional and should not have handled it that way. I wouldn’t leave my children with her. Get another childminder and pay on time.

StephensLass1977 · 05/12/2025 08:30

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

If you pay late, then she has indeed earned that extra late fee money.

Changingplace · 05/12/2025 08:30

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

If I got paid a few days late I’d struggle to cover bills due to go out, YABU.

bigboykitty · 05/12/2025 08:31

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

Her behaviour was inappropriate, and you are really out of order by intentionally paying late.

Fdsew · 05/12/2025 08:32

You shouldn't be late, she is not wrong, that is 100% on you, but that was very rude and aimed at humiliating you.
The relationship has broken down.
Her judgement is poor and I wouldn't want my child with someone so unprofessional.
But I would make it my business to pay on time.
She shouldn't be waiting one minute for payment so you need to take responsibility for the fact you caused the breakdown in relations.

YourOliveBalonz · 05/12/2025 08:32

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

Is this a reverse? It’s completely clear that the mother in the situation is a CF.