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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious?

802 replies

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:35

On Thursdays I meet my childminder at the school gates to hand over my 1 year old while I’m picking up my 6 year old.
We had a brief chat and then she said (in front of a few other people) she’d seen we’d been away at the weekend and that ‘maybe I should pay my childcare bill before I book holidays’. Three people turned around and I was bright red in the face. How unprofessional!
For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

I’m thinking of transferring to a nursery as there may be more professional boundaries in place. She should not have mentioned that in front of others. AIBU?

OP posts:
User564523412 · 05/12/2025 08:10

Not paying necessary bills several days after the deadline is rude and irresponsible. She was reasonable to make a remark on it.

The point is that nobody else knows whether you're late by days or months until it has already been done. The most common excuse broke people use is that they'll pay something in a few days, but it usually ends up being never.

Imdunfer · 05/12/2025 08:11

Why does she have to remind you? Just pay her on time!

Macaroni46 · 05/12/2025 08:11

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

You’re not getting it are you? You’re paying late and that’s not acceptable! Good for her adding a late fee! Jeez. How entitled are you!

TwooooDoooozenRoses · 05/12/2025 08:12

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

She’s earned it by fucking around sending useless entitled parents like you reminders because they can’t be arsed to pay what they owe on time. Get a grip. You should feel embarrassed to be called out on it, but she wasn’t in the wrong. You’ve done this multiple times before and she’s sick of it, rightly so.

ClareBlue · 05/12/2025 08:12

Do you pay all your bills late. 'Only a few days late' and the sense of outraged at late charge seems to imply entitlement. Maybe just pay her on time and put the public shaming behind you. Problem solved.

Makingadecision · 05/12/2025 08:12

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

Your attitude to her is poor. How would you like it if your employer was a few days late paying you? She will have bills etc to pay as well and you are unreliable. Would you appreciate texting your employer all the time to ask them to pay you??
Double standards and you have been unprofessional towards her.
Pay her on time.

TidyCyan · 05/12/2025 08:12

I'd have kicked you off the books by now if you have been late more than 10 times.

OMGitsnotgood · 05/12/2025 08:12

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

you were late. ‘Only by a few days’ shows a complete lack of respect. I think she’d probably appreciate it if you found alternative childcare

ComfortFoodCafe · 05/12/2025 08:13

Well you obviously pay late all the time, yabu. She shouldn’t have to chase you to pay your bills!

CautiousLurker2 · 05/12/2025 08:13

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

Love the complete lac of consideration for your service provider. Entitlement, much?

A few days late impacts her ability to pay for food, car fuel and utilities - that your child and others benefit from in her care. You contracted to pay for services and the T&Cs require you to pay your bill by the deadline on the invoice. If you cannot do that, I suspect she’d be happy to replace you with a client who pays on time. She will be able to replace your child pretty much immediately.

I think she would consider it doing her a favour if you moved to a nursery - but be aware, a nursery will expect prompt payment and refuse to take your child if you pay late too.

Purpleturtle45 · 05/12/2025 08:14

She shouldn't have brought it up in front of everyone but I would say you are being more unreasonable than she is by paying later frequently. You are showing a complete disregard for her time by expecting to to send you reminders before you pay, very disrespectful.

2026debtfreeme · 05/12/2025 08:14

God you sound awful. Pay her on time.
I'm just imaging if my work didn't pay me on time when all my bills and mortgage go out of my account. This is no different. She's probably just sick of you.

I'd love you to move to a nursery as they will NOT accept you paying late!

Bestfootforward11 · 05/12/2025 08:14

I don’t think she was right to say what she did in front of everyone but it sounds like she snapped as she’s fed up.
I also don’t think it’s right she has to remind you to pay. No one likes having to do that. You know what you need to pay and when and it’s for something really important ie the care of your son. Would you or your DH be happy if you had to remind your employer regularly and your salary was late? Why do you think it’s ok for you to choose when you pay? How can she manage her own expenses if everyone pays when it suits them?
I think your responses show a certain lack of respect to her and suggest you are entitled to do what you want when you want when someone is providing an important service to you. I can completely see that in her eyes it makes no sense for you to be going on holiday if you are unable to pay her. If the issue is not remembering then you need to put something in place to remember rather than expect her to suck it up.

Mumstheword1983 · 05/12/2025 08:14

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

OP sorry I was thinking YANBU until I read this. She has clearly tried to enforce this as you are paying late. Now she's pretty annoyed. Pay on time OP. Like others have said a nursery would be worse if you are paying late.

She still should have had the conversation in private though.

whymadam · 05/12/2025 08:15

Yab totally u. Pay on time, every time. This woman is looking after your children! For all you know, paying a few days late might mean she can't provide food for herself / her own family. Her actions at the school gate weren't professional, but neither are yours. Set an alarm if you can't rememer to pay her regularly, on time.

CautiousLurker2 · 05/12/2025 08:16

Purpleturtle45 · 05/12/2025 08:14

She shouldn't have brought it up in front of everyone but I would say you are being more unreasonable than she is by paying later frequently. You are showing a complete disregard for her time by expecting to to send you reminders before you pay, very disrespectful.

If this is a pattern of behaviour and she is sick to the back teeth of being paid late (and it is Christmas, I suspect she had things she needs to buy this month), I can understand why she did this.

OP, just make a commitment to pay her on time or move your child so she can take on a client who can and will do so.

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 05/12/2025 08:16

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

I think OP is on the wind up. Nobody is this dim surely and then to come on here and moan about it seems a little goady to me 🤔

Imdunfer · 05/12/2025 08:17

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

So you're a serial late payer and you're pissed that she charges you for her loaning you her money and having to beg to get it.

It sounds as if her comment at the school gate was perfectly justified. Just pay her on time!

Zempy · 05/12/2025 08:17

So you regularly pay her late?

But she’s the unreasonable one??!!!

watermybegonias · 05/12/2025 08:18

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

But she HAS earned it! She looked after your child for longer than the contracted time.

You sound an absolute mare as a client, it seems this wasn’t a one off situation and she snapped. I hope the public humiliation has taught you to pay on time without being reminded, though I somehow doubt it will make any difference.

And if you move your child to a nursery, then a) it will be party time at the childminder’s and b) heaven help you if you are late to collect or late to pay. THEN you will feel it!

TwooooDoooozenRoses · 05/12/2025 08:18

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 05/12/2025 08:16

I think OP is on the wind up. Nobody is this dim surely and then to come on here and moan about it seems a little goady to me 🤔

Show quote history

I’m thinking this now to be honest. DH and I run a business and I know full well some people are useless bastards when it comes to paying and have the front to act outraged when you call them out on it and / or charge interest but I don’t think many are thick enough to believe they’d get support if they asked the masses.

ACR7 · 05/12/2025 08:19

I set all my direct debits to pay day where I can. I’d be furious if my work just decided to pay me days later as there’d be no money to cover my bills. Just pay on time! This has got to be a wind up as I know people pay late but the entitlement of your posts is staggering.

PruthePrune · 05/12/2025 08:19

Just to clarify, she has charged you £10 for late payment and so far you have been charged £100? So that means you have been late in paying her at least 10 times? No wonder she called you out, I would have done as well. In fact I'm surprised she hasn't withdrawn her services. You are being massively unreasonable and are taking the piss.

DoubleBoubles · 05/12/2025 08:20

Surely this is a reverse and you can’t think it’s acceptable to continuously pay late and only then when you have a reminder!

Do her a favour and switch to a nursery. You’re lucky she hasn’t given you notice already

How would you feel if your boss always paid you late and only after you’d reminded them!

SJM1988 · 05/12/2025 08:21

She's not unreasonable to pull you up on not paying but the comment about going on holiday and doing so in front of others is unprofessional.

Nursery will probably still have the same rules around late payment fees and suspending care if you are too late in paying BUT at least they won't do it in front of others.