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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious?

802 replies

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:35

On Thursdays I meet my childminder at the school gates to hand over my 1 year old while I’m picking up my 6 year old.
We had a brief chat and then she said (in front of a few other people) she’d seen we’d been away at the weekend and that ‘maybe I should pay my childcare bill before I book holidays’. Three people turned around and I was bright red in the face. How unprofessional!
For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

I’m thinking of transferring to a nursery as there may be more professional boundaries in place. She should not have mentioned that in front of others. AIBU?

OP posts:
RunningJo · 05/12/2025 20:08

The more I think about this, the more I think it’s can’t be true. That’s it’s a post to wind people up?

bevm72yellow · 05/12/2025 20:08

Yes pay on time. Childcare is extremely important. Set your own reminders.

QuirkyHorse · 05/12/2025 20:10

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

Just pay on time.

Would you be okay with your salary hitting your bank days late?
Some people have their direct debits set to go out just after they've been paid.
Why should she potentially face bank charges because you are too flaky to pay your bills.

handsdownthebest · 05/12/2025 20:21

Do you get paid late every month? Wouldn't it piss you off if you did?

Sunshine5791 · 05/12/2025 20:26

Pay your childcare bill, on the day it is due! Do you pay your electricity/water/council tax bill late or do you take liberties because she is a small business owner and you have so little respect for what she is doing? How would you feel if your boss paid you late each month and made you beg to be paid? While you are pratting about paying late, she might be struggling to pay her bills, so good on the childminder for charging you a late payment fee.

I doubt a nursery would work better for you, in my experience, the owners are normally far more savvy and they are likely to refuse care where there are unpaid/late fees. And I think that would be far more embarrassing, turning up on the nursery doorstep and being turned away at drop off!

And she is right, pay your childcare bills before you pay for your holidays. And honestly, just stop being a nob and pay your childcare bill on time!

snackatack · 05/12/2025 20:28

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:37

Only by a few days. She’s acting like it’s weeks.

This is on you - you should just pay her on the day the money is due

Artmumcreative · 05/12/2025 20:31

Can't you just set up a direct debit to go out on the same day each month?

Cailleachnamara · 05/12/2025 20:36

So you habitually pay this woman days after you know she is due payment and only after a reminder. Get a grip! No wonder she publicly shamed you she's had enough of your nonsense. Have a bit of decency - she has better things to do than chase you up for money every month. I'm surprised she hasn't binned you rather than the other way round. I would have.

TicTac80 · 05/12/2025 20:38

This has got to be a wind up. Surely no one is this much of a CF?!

OP, if this isn't a wind up, YABVVVFU. "Only by a few days"? If my work paid me late "by a few days", I'd be late paying my rent and bills. You can't mess her around like this, it shows complete disrespect for her. My childcare bills were prioritised like my rent and council tax - and I set up a standing order accordingly for it - I wouldn't have been able to work if my DC weren't in childcare.

FridayintheCity · 05/12/2025 20:44

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

So you're a frequent flyer. Sounds like she needed to shame you.

It sounds as if your relationship was breaking down even before this.

localbutterfly · 05/12/2025 20:50

She shouldn't have linked your failure to pay with her observation that you'd been away (not necessarily on holiday) and she shouldn't have confronted you in front of other people unless they were her colleagues. But YABU to say she's getting money from you that she hasn't earned because she charges you late fees. A small business will need that money on the day it's due to meet their own obligations and there are always costs to holding on to money past the time you owe it, just like the bank charges you interest on a loan.

PogoBob · 05/12/2025 20:52

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

So why not just pay her on time, it's not rocket science

Original poster
havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

OP posts:
Liverpool52 · 05/12/2025 20:55

Or set up a reminder in your phone. That's not hard either.

PithyTaupeWriter · 05/12/2025 20:55

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

A text to remind you is that hard, imagine if she has to do that for all of her clients? She doesn't have the time, not to mention that she might feel awkward about it. Just pay your bills on time! Put a reminder in your phone if you have to.

HaughtyAndCold · 05/12/2025 20:55

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

She looks after your child. I can’t believe you think the onus is on her to remind you to pay for it when she’s sent you an invoice.

you are totally in the wrong in this one.

Imdunfer · 05/12/2025 20:56

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

Just pay on time FFS!

BuckChuckets · 05/12/2025 20:56

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

Aren't you at all embarrassed about this?

PithyTaupeWriter · 05/12/2025 20:56

HaughtyAndCold · 05/12/2025 20:55

She looks after your child. I can’t believe you think the onus is on her to remind you to pay for it when she’s sent you an invoice.

you are totally in the wrong in this one.

Show quote history

100% this! Why on earth would you risk pissing off the person who looks after your child?

GoldenBracelet · 05/12/2025 20:57

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

You are very entitled and VVVVBU.

How dare you? "Oh she just looks after my most precious child, but I can't be arsed to pay her without making her remind me"

Take a look at yourself, OP. And then set up a bloody reminder.

DogsandFlowers · 05/12/2025 20:58

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

So it’s not ok for her to comment on your holidays but you can on hers? Just set a phone reminder when the invoice comes, easy

Laura95167 · 05/12/2025 20:59

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

Youre so entitled its unbelievable. You know nothing about her circs, holiday may be on a credit card or someone paying for her. She does a job, you know the payment date and are invoiced 10 days in advance.

Its not her job to be your bookkeeper or play debt collector. Imagine if your job said oh.. we will pay you when you remind us. You would be (understandably) furious then. Stop deflecting.

Midgetgemsplease · 05/12/2025 20:59

So 85% of MN reading this think you're unreasonable and yet you still have the inability to reflect on your own behaviour and conduct. In this particular scenario you are being entitled and selfish and are doubling down. Oh dear 🙄

birdsnestinghere · 05/12/2025 21:01

She shouldn't have to remind you. OK, maybe it slips once or twice during the whole relationship, but you need to be reliable. Either pay it ten days early, when it comes in, or set a phone reminder. Otherwise you might be looking for new childcare soon.

AngelicKaty · 05/12/2025 21:02

havasack · 05/12/2025 20:52

So to answer a few questions, I did pay late a few times, I always remember once she sends a reminder out and I have paid on time the last few months.

This is just a busy time of year and it slipped my mind, she sends invoices out ten days before they’re due so goes to the back of the pile.
she’s certainly not struggling for money, she’s just booked a holiday for Florida for Easter and is taking 2 weeks off.
I understand it’s my fault for paying late but a text to remind me wouldn’t be hard would it.

And setting a recurring reminder in your phone calendar "wouldn't be hard" either, would it? Or, if that's so hard, when her invoices arrive 10 days early you could immediately set up a future BACS payment for the payment date in online banking. Either solution would negate the need for her to ever send you reminders. Why do you expect other people to manage your life admin for you? Grow up and get your act together.