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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious?

802 replies

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:35

On Thursdays I meet my childminder at the school gates to hand over my 1 year old while I’m picking up my 6 year old.
We had a brief chat and then she said (in front of a few other people) she’d seen we’d been away at the weekend and that ‘maybe I should pay my childcare bill before I book holidays’. Three people turned around and I was bright red in the face. How unprofessional!
For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

I’m thinking of transferring to a nursery as there may be more professional boundaries in place. She should not have mentioned that in front of others. AIBU?

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/12/2025 11:05

Ohhhtheshameofit · 05/12/2025 11:03

I don’t think op will be back. I also don’t think she’s going to have a dawning realisation that actually, she is at fault.

Agreed. Shaming her publicly was a master stroke by the childminder

mumuseli · 05/12/2025 11:08

What the OP should remember is that not being paid on time is bad enough, but the added issue of having to send your employer a reminder is an extra task that employees shouldn't have to do! Especially if you're like me and get stressed about things like that and end up spending a while drafting the message so as to be firm but polite etc.
(I've had this issue with my line manager forgetting to authorise my online overtime claim, and it stresses me out!)

Fdsew · 05/12/2025 11:09

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/12/2025 11:05

Agreed. Shaming her publicly was a master stroke by the childminder

Show quote history

There will definitely be gossip from that.
Perhaps the CM wants rid of her.

republicofjam · 05/12/2025 11:10

Totally Team Childminder.

Why should she have to waste her valuable time chasing you up on a regular basis. How would you react if your employer routinely withheld your salary and paid days later only after you had sent reminders. Good for her starting a £10 late fee, although it sounds as if it has made little difference to you if you have already had to pay it 10 times.

PoctorDepper · 05/12/2025 11:10

You shouldn't need reminders to pay your childcare bill. Your payment should be received by the childminder before the start date of the childcare period. For example, I get paid on the 24th of each month and my first direct debit is the afterschool club, ready for the 1st of the following month. I'd have told you to find someone else to look after your kids ages ago. She obviously feels for the poor little mites, having someone so disorganised and selfish for a parent.

BunnyLake · 05/12/2025 11:11

You’re unprofessional. You shouldn’t be sitting back waiting for her to remind you. Surely you know when payment is due, and you being a few days late is not acceptable.

You’ve had to pay £100 in late fees st £10 per time! You’re having a laugh!

Namechangerage · 05/12/2025 11:11

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

I mean this speaks to it being a you problem not a her problem!! Just pay on time. If my work consistently paid me 2 days late I would be a bit in the shit with my mortgage and bills!

Sunshineismyfavourite · 05/12/2025 11:12

She should have said something to you privately but sounds like it's not the first time you haven't paid on time.

Why should she send you a reminder to pay her? Absolutely makes no sense.

I'd be furious if I had to send my boss a reminder every month to pay my wages and I'd be very tempted to have a public word too if that was the case.

Just pay her on time and then the problem will be solved. Nurseries also will want paying on time with no reminders - just to bare that in mind!

mumuseli · 05/12/2025 11:12

mumuseli · 05/12/2025 11:08

What the OP should remember is that not being paid on time is bad enough, but the added issue of having to send your employer a reminder is an extra task that employees shouldn't have to do! Especially if you're like me and get stressed about things like that and end up spending a while drafting the message so as to be firm but polite etc.
(I've had this issue with my line manager forgetting to authorise my online overtime claim, and it stresses me out!)

Oh and I also meant to say, plus all the additional time used up by having to check my account to see if its been authorised / checking bank account to see if it's gone in yet. Workers should be able to rely on getting paid on time.

BunnyLake · 05/12/2025 11:14

You are the problem.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 05/12/2025 11:14

Is this a reverse? It sounds like you pay her late every time? Set up a standing order!

Grammarnut · 05/12/2025 11:15

LakeGeneva1 · 05/12/2025 10:09

Yes, of course she should pay on time HOWEVER, even if I was furious, I would take her to one side and not shame her. I'm not like that. I am assuming you are?! There are boundaries.

Show quote history

I'd also take her to one side. But apparently - from what OP says about £100 paid to childminder that wasn't 'earned' i.e. it was a fine for late payment - a quiet word and frequent reminders have not improved the situation, OP keeps on paying late. Public shaming is a last resort but does not seem to have penetrated OP's brain to the effect that she should pay on time either. Next step is probably to withdraw the service. Wait till OP uses a nursery - late payment will not be tolerated in any way.

Horses7 · 05/12/2025 11:15

You sound a nightmare I’m afraid.
Pay her on time - why should she keep reminding you to be paid? I bet you wouldn’t like having to remind your employer to pay you on time!
If she’s a good childminder you’d be mad to lose her - she’ll soon fill the space your child takes.
If you don’t up your game you may have no choice to find alternative care, possibly at short notice….good luck with that!

Hendersso · 05/12/2025 11:15

You should pay on time she has bills to pay. However she was completely unprofessional. If she has an issue she should have spoken to you discreetly. She was trying to embarrass you and she has had enough of late payments I expect.

hevs03 · 05/12/2025 11:16

Both in the wrong, you for not paying the childminder on time (it's easy to set up a reminder on your phone, even easier to pay a standing order from your bank to hers), however she the childminder was also wrong for bringing this up with you in front of others, discretion is key, though I can imagine if she was waiting on owed wages her mood was not the best and querying it with you at the school gate was possibly deliberate on her part. Lesson learnt for you but you would be within your rights to advise her that any queries/concerns from her need to be relayed to you in private.

Grammarnut · 05/12/2025 11:18

You consistently pay 2 days late (or 3) and only after a reminder. You are the problem here.

tuvamoodyson · 05/12/2025 11:21
Happy The Office GIF by Imaginal Biotech

#teamchildminder

Qwerty21 · 05/12/2025 11:28

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

Well I said yanbu until I read this.. she shouldn't have to remind you to pay, you should be paying on time. You'd be furious if your employer paid you late regularly. She absolutely has earnt that £100 by putting up with your inability to meet your obligations to pay her on time!

Switcher · 05/12/2025 11:31

Lol good luck going to a nursery with that attitude to payment.

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 05/12/2025 11:33

It's not nice that she said it infront of others but YABU waiting for a reminder before you pay her. She's not doing you a favour and probably relies on the money she receives from childminding. Imagine if you had to remind your employer to pay you! Just pay her in same day each week as agreed!
Your childminder should bring in late payment charges

Whatwerewetalkingabout · 05/12/2025 11:34

Can you imagine if your job kept paying you late and the payroll department whined that you shouldn't be expected to be paid on time if you don't kick them up the arse with regular reminders. Absolutle entitlement. And £10 late fees are earned! I can't believe you've done it to her more than 10 times in only a few months!!! She may have to go into her overdraft if you don't pay her on time, plus she has to go through the rigmarole of constantly begging you to pay her her wage, which is embarrassing for her too!

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face by sending the kids to nursery, trust me they seriously do not tolerate late payment either. You'd have been kicked out months ago if you were a serial late payer. Just apologise and make sure it never happens again.

OakleyAnnie · 05/12/2025 11:36

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

She has earned it. She’s spent time chasing payment so the extra £10 is admin time. Very poor of you not to pay your bills and expect someone to chase you for it.

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 11:38

For context - payment was due Monday and she’s sent me no reminders which she usually does after 2/3 days then I always pay! I’ve never not paid.

If you know when payment is due, why don't you pay then rather than wait to be reminded?

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 05/12/2025 11:40

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

Wow, the situation must have got pretty bad for her to threaten to suspend care. How come that didn't persuade you to start paying on time?

purplecorkheart · 05/12/2025 11:40

havasack · 05/12/2025 07:39

She threatened to suspend care a few months ago and then she added a £10 a day late fee. So she’s had at least an extra £100 from me that she hasn’t earned at all.

So you have been at least 10 days late paying since she threated to withhold care. And you cannot see that you are the problem. She said it in front of other parents to shame you. Clearly nothing else is working. Set up a reminder on your phone or set up a direct debit. You should be ashamed of yourself. You would find yourself kicked out of the nursery very fast if you are late paying.

The childminder still has to pay her bills.