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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FiL crawling round on work video call

306 replies

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:30

drunk leonardo dicaprio GIF

Am I being over-sensitive here?
I was on a video call this morning when my 73yo FIL came to get some things from the room. I realised, muted, said I was on a call and assumed he would wait until I said I was free. A minute later, I realise he has come inside and is crawling around trying not to be seen (he absolutely would have been seen). It was an external call, so not even colleagues I could laugh it off with). I'm absolutely livid.

For context, my study / home office is used as our guest room. This is not normally an issue. I had also warned him I was starting work and had to be on video calls 30 minutes earlier.

YABU - he is old, doesn't get tech, and no one said anything
YANBU - what sort of idiot does that?

OP posts:
CelestialCandyfloss · 05/12/2025 17:54

Omg I'd wet myself if I was in a work call and there was a 73 year old man crawling round in the background 😂😂😂😂😂 brilliant!

Dawnb19 · 05/12/2025 17:57

I wished you recorded it so we could have a laugh. Honestly I would be annoyed especially as you said it wasn't a internal call but he is old. He might not have understood properly. 🤣

Tuesdayschild50 · 05/12/2025 18:11

Oh dear bless him 🤣 I can imagine you trying to concentrate on a call when that's happening .
Did your husband say anything to him 🤣
I'd get a sign on the door outside saying on video call do not disturb..as well as reminding him next time he can't do that 🤭🫣

Joeninety · 05/12/2025 18:12

Fil has a really great car..............If I'm being honest, I'm a bit jealous of him.

Ariana12 · 05/12/2025 18:17

If he is a guest in your house then frankly I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

Bearbookagainandagain · 05/12/2025 18:20

Sorry but I would have found that hilarious... I'm trying and I can't find a situation where I would have had an issue with it...

I guess it depends what job you do and whether people take themselves so seriously they can't laugh it off.

100jamjars · 05/12/2025 18:26

just doesn’t feel very welcoming to only give a guest staying for a week privacy at night only

A bit like an old fashioned seaside boarding house. Kicked out at 9.30 and not allowed back in until teatime.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 05/12/2025 18:26

Doesn't look like a 73 year old man te.
Like some much younger man who is completely pissed or having a larf with his mates.

Don't believe this is a real incident!!!

Cariadm · 05/12/2025 18:31

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:30

Am I being over-sensitive here?
I was on a video call this morning when my 73yo FIL came to get some things from the room. I realised, muted, said I was on a call and assumed he would wait until I said I was free. A minute later, I realise he has come inside and is crawling around trying not to be seen (he absolutely would have been seen). It was an external call, so not even colleagues I could laugh it off with). I'm absolutely livid.

For context, my study / home office is used as our guest room. This is not normally an issue. I had also warned him I was starting work and had to be on video calls 30 minutes earlier.

YABU - he is old, doesn't get tech, and no one said anything
YANBU - what sort of idiot does that?

I feel slightly ambiguous about this but I am 77 and I would definitely respect your privacy when requested and, unless your FIL is suffering with dementia or some other mitigating condition, I can appreciate you not being happy with his behaviour especially if this is the norm when he stays with you which sounds like he often does?
However, when you mentioned that your 'office' doubles for the 'guest room' whenever anyone stays, I couldn't help thinking perhaps you could make or have made a sign that you could hang on the outside of the door to indicate when you are on video calls to politely request 'definitely NO ENTRY please right now' or words to that effect?
Yes, it would be a bit of a faff and you would need to remember to turn the sign around when you're finished with your calls but it might help to avoid this happening again in the future? 😊

B1anche · 05/12/2025 18:33

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 05/12/2025 18:26

Doesn't look like a 73 year old man te.
Like some much younger man who is completely pissed or having a larf with his mates.

Don't believe this is a real incident!!!

Eh? What doesn't look like a 73 year old?

PersephonePomegranate · 05/12/2025 18:38

Downplayit · 04/12/2025 21:40

I remember in the first days of covid meeting with someone very important and senior in a big organisation and seeing his wife crawl in behind him to reach some shoes or something. It was very funny but also never mentioned. Gone are those days when you had to pretend that if you were wfh you had no family. Its all pretty acceptable now to see life going on behind the video call. Thats why most people will just assume your fil is long-retired and will find it amusing. I wouldn't take it too seriously.

I don't agree at all! Covid was different because there was no option. This situation would earn you a bollocking my company. It looks unprofessional and could compromise confidentiality.

blueshoes · 05/12/2025 18:39

RuralStyleless · 04/12/2025 21:56

Update: I am not an idiot. blur my background! But it unblurs when it sees 'people', so I assume he popped in and out. I also turn off self-view, so don't know quite what was shown.

He might be too far to pop into view. You can test it out.

Set up a Teams call with camera background blurred and commando crawl from the door to his trousers.

Will put your mind at rest hth. If no one on the call reacted, I think you are safe because something like this would be hilarious.

Horrorscope · 05/12/2025 18:43

Pollqueen · 04/12/2025 22:02

Anyone on camera can still be seen though. You would just see FIL, behind OP crawling across the floor with a blurry background

Show quote history

It probably made a few people’s day. 😂

oldmoaner · 05/12/2025 18:47

I wouldn't even want to stay in your "office/spare room" if I was classed as a "guest" he's family not a stranger. If my daughter called me a guest, I wouldnt go again.

AquaForce · 05/12/2025 18:50

Reminds me of the BBC interview with Professor Robert Kelly that was gate-crashed by his kids 😂

AffableApple · 05/12/2025 18:53

Why is everyone si hard of understanding on here?

We all have limited rooms. Many of us need an office to WFH in. This often needs to double as a guest room.

It's not a hotel. You can have the entirety of the rest of the house. Leave. The. Room. Stay out.

Perfectly reasonable and normal.

OneBookTooMany · 05/12/2025 18:58

InterestedDad37 · 04/12/2025 21:46

I know 50 yr olds who'd do the same, and 80 yr olds who absolutely wouldn't. I don't see it as 'excusable cos he's old and doesn't understand', I see it is 'a bit thick, really' 👍

This and you do know you wouldn't be on your computer at all if people in their 70s and older hadn't made it possible. Silly sod!

Isobel201 · 05/12/2025 19:03

I did have a giggle, but yeah I know what you mean. Sometimes I don't mind my dad interrupting if its just a general meeting that I don't need to contribute to, but he does think its just me listening to a pod cast or an audio book which I do if I'm not in any meetings and just want some background noise.

PigletJohn · 05/12/2025 19:04

I would have put my thumb over the camera lens.

Simples.

And quicker than navigating to mute and vision off.

Some people keep a blob of blu-tak next to the lens and only remove it when they want to be seen, it blocks hackers too.

Wishbone436 · 05/12/2025 19:05

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. You gave a heads up. Even if he couldn’t be seen it’s incredibly distracting!

wfhwfh · 05/12/2025 19:07

I think you need to make the boundaries clear. So say “It would be lovely to have you stay but im working that day so it will mean you cant access room between X and Y.”

This assumes they are not visiting at your request to help with childcare, etc. In that case, you probably have to be a bit more flexible.

PBJsandwich123 · 05/12/2025 19:10

This is the kind of crap my uncle has pulled and in my opinion comes from a place of thinking all women are skivvies. So annoying

Intrigued20 · 05/12/2025 19:12

That’s cheered me right up. Laughed out loud picturing it.

RobertJohnsonsShoes · 05/12/2025 19:50

You sound joyless. Thats pretty funny.