Most toxic site ever!!!!

[emilyinlondonx]

I swear this site has reached peak toxicity. Even if someone posts about having a genuinely amazing spouse or a happy marriage, there’s a wave of people ready to tear it apart. It’s insane.
Even if your partner supports you, protects you, or has your back, that’s somehow “wrong” and people will immediately find a way to twist it into something negative. It’s projection 101... if they’re miserable in their own marriages, they have to make everyone else miserable too. And that seems like a very common theme on this app.
I wrote a post about how my husband cut off his mum and one of his siblings because of their treatment of me. But apparently, because he still has contact with a different sister - whose only issue is that she kept pressuring him to contact their mum (and stopped when he threatened to cut them off) but has now resorted to indirect posts- I somehow have a “toxic husband” and people feel the need to wish me luck in my “miserable life.”
It doesn’t matter what the issue is - finances, family drama, literally anything - people will find a way to blame the spouse, because deep down, they’re depressed and bitter about their own lives and need to drag everyone else down with them.
I didn’t think it was possible, but this site is even more toxic than Reddit. Every day it’s just sadness, negativity, and people trying to make you feel bad for having a life that actually works. I am not just talking about myself, I see bullying of others on here every day. No wonder the next generation is f**ked. Honestly, it’s exhausting, demoralising, and depressing just to read some of these comments.

There's something about the culture on Mumsnet that seems particularly viperish, a certain glee or superiority about sticking the knife in that I don't see on other corners of the internet - even places like Reddit where the content can be worse in terms of violent or sexual images.

Hard disagree.

If you're posting/responding on AIBU then expect some diverse opinions.

Other areas - gardening, age related parenting, elderly parents are extremely supportive areas.

Feminism sex and gender board is a public service to the nation.

Hence the use of the word 'relative' lol!

We don't call ourselves "Nest of Vipers' for nothing you know?

I’ve recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I have to say that the threads associated with that have been nothing other than hugely supportive x

Goodness, I've seen far worse. Have been on mostly male sites where I got death and rape threats and "you must be a fat slut" was considered peak rebuttal by some of them when I countered them.

I agree. I don’t bother posting unless for specific advice about a product or something. I have a newborn and a toddler and would love to come here to get advice when I’m finding it hard, but all you get is “and where is your husband in all this?” Ermmmm…. He’s dog tired too from being up 3-4 times a night with the toddler whilst I’m stuck EBF’ing the newborn, working full time and doing most of the housework too. But I daren’t ever suggest dads can ever be overwhelmed and struggling too! It’s a shame because I joined thinking this was a place you could get advice and support when things were hard, not to just have your kind hearted, hard working husband torn to shreds because he has a penis.

Because it is anonymous, people don't feel they have to hold back? They call a spade a spade. Some people don't like it. I found the site v.useful, if annoying when people's opinions are deleted for 'not following the guidelines'. People are entitled to their opinions, even if they are not radically left-wing. I don't understand the deletions - I have never once seen a post inciting hatred or violence or suchlike.

I think you’re absolutely right with that. But I also find that there is a far far higher proportion of people on Mumsnet than any other forum who claim to be impoverished whilst earning £250,000 per year, employ nannies who they distrust, despise stay at home mothers who actually want to raise their children themselves, hate mothers in law, elderly relatives, and anyone who has retired and has the temerity to still live in their home that they have lived for most of their life, and who will leave their husbands for the most bizarre and ridiculous reasons.

I agree with this totally. If we are all nice and call-out others who aren’t it will be a good place.

Mumsnet has given me loads of pregnancy advice and also when I was struggling a bit with my mental health.

Since the site started (probably) posters have said "its so mean here"

2011
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1229367-Why-is-everyone-so-mean-on-mumsnet

2010
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/921964-to-wonder-if-some-ops-deliberately-misread-threads

2018
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3258338-about-the-mean-spiritedness-on-mumsnet-at-times

Yes, I’ve noticed this. Reddit is def a better sight for info / answers, much like Mumsnet used to be. If I search Mumsnet through google & I’m directed to an old thread, the change in tone compared to nowadays is noticeable.

So many posters on MN are clearly only here to play devil’s advocate.

Completely agree with this

it varies by board, but yes often no one & nothing is given the benefit of the doubt!

I think there has been a shift in the way sites like MN are used in general.

When i first joined twenty years ago (fucking he’ll that’s gone fast), as well as been smaller, it was definitely more of a ‘support network’ - there were some incredible people and threads. However it could also be a bit cliquey because it was ‘new’ and ‘small’ - mich less anonymous and far more hierarchical.

Then with the explosion of people using sites like this and the Huns over there —> things grew very quickly and the boards became much broader in topic and so it attracted people who wanted to be ‘entertained’. If you were bored you could scroll some AIBU or a something on Classics and have a good chuckle.

And suddenly MN is being debated in parliament and penis beakers are on Radio 4 and a slew of people who had no interest in being supportive or kind or even just recommending a pair of wellies rocked up to see what they could get out of the site.

And with that many people, it’s inevitable that you are going to get

Trolls
Racists
Angry people
miserable people
bitter people
Spiteful people
Jealous people
destructive people
Dangerous people.
Pervy people

and so on. And things get laughed at and shat on. It’s sort of inevitable - a numbers game - the Bigger you are the more twatty people will be amongst your number. I don’t think it’s exclusive to mumsnet but mumsnet has grown so exponentially, that it stands out here. It’s also more noticeable because there are multiple threads posted by people who are in vulnerable positions looking for support or kindness.

But I take heart from the fact that there is still an overwhelmingly positive and helpful response when I personally need it and you only need to look at the Knotty and Pistey threads to know that the heart of mumsnet is solid - there are just a lot of people who shout louder!

YANBU

It used to be just on AIBU but now it's on pretty much every board. I have hidden a lot of boards and just stick to reading the food or Christmas boards now. I used to use mumsnet a lot now I only pop in a few times a week for a few minutes. It's such a shame.

Why did you create a second thread on the issue? I didn't read the thread so I've no idea.
Overall MN can be harsh, not as harsh as a few other SM site.

OP your thread hits the nail right on the head !! I made a slight comment on this recently and just had a load of posters defending this place.
I think you are 100 % right about depressed , bitter and jealous posters.
And I will go out in a limb here but I think it's all to do with the majority on here are women by far.
I have worked in all male and also all female environments. And the psychology, the jealousy, people wanting their way and pure spite ...that doesn't happen in a more male environment. Don't care if I get flamed for that. And don't get me wrong men can be utter assholes. But the problem with Mumsnet and the spiteful responses always goading is that it is mostly women. Sad but true.
But.....there are some nice supportive helpful funny people on here-just not enough 😬

sorry for typos!

Mumsnet is the female version of 4Chan, and many of the posters here are just the female version of incels.

I think it's a very useful site. I often see OPs who ask for advice, get some great advice given, then spend the rest of the thread arguing because it doesn't match what they want to hear. Those are annoying.

No, that’s Reddit.

Must be awkward for the people who posted in support.

This is a chat site on the Internet, OP. If you post publicly about your private life, people will have opinions. You won't like all of them.

YANBU. I've been absolutely horrified by some of the things I'm reading lately. Predict a major exodus if certain types of trolling and hate aren't clamped down on.

I wish there was a topic for this specific subject - perhaps called "Mumsnet is the MOST TOXIC site on the internet" - so that the multiple daily threads on this exact subject could be hidden all at once.

In fairness though, the hyperbole on this particular thread IS amusing