Most toxic site ever!!!!

[emilyinlondonx]

I swear this site has reached peak toxicity. Even if someone posts about having a genuinely amazing spouse or a happy marriage, there’s a wave of people ready to tear it apart. It’s insane.
Even if your partner supports you, protects you, or has your back, that’s somehow “wrong” and people will immediately find a way to twist it into something negative. It’s projection 101... if they’re miserable in their own marriages, they have to make everyone else miserable too. And that seems like a very common theme on this app.
I wrote a post about how my husband cut off his mum and one of his siblings because of their treatment of me. But apparently, because he still has contact with a different sister - whose only issue is that she kept pressuring him to contact their mum (and stopped when he threatened to cut them off) but has now resorted to indirect posts- I somehow have a “toxic husband” and people feel the need to wish me luck in my “miserable life.”
It doesn’t matter what the issue is - finances, family drama, literally anything - people will find a way to blame the spouse, because deep down, they’re depressed and bitter about their own lives and need to drag everyone else down with them.
I didn’t think it was possible, but this site is even more toxic than Reddit. Every day it’s just sadness, negativity, and people trying to make you feel bad for having a life that actually works. I am not just talking about myself, I see bullying of others on here every day. No wonder the next generation is f**ked. Honestly, it’s exhausting, demoralising, and depressing just to read some of these comments.

Ridiculous and totally unfair.

I think it's funny you've given "what clothes to wear" as an example of a cut and dry subject because personally I find "style and beauty" one of the most batshit areas!

But yes generally you have a point OP - although of course as do the other posters pointing out that the odd comments are far from the majority -it's just that they're so very odd/rude they are the ones that draw your attention.

It's the replies that have little to no bearing on the OP that confuse me - where the poster seems to have picked out two or three words from a sentence and then made up a whole imaginary scenario in their head which bears no resemblance to what the OP has actually asked.

Also, whereas just a few years ago it would have been tinfoil hattery to blame Russian bots/ AI etc I think we have to accept now that a fairly large proportion of posts are not made in good faith - whether deliberate rage bait to increase engagement, attempts to guage/influence political viewpoints, etc.

If you think this is the most toxic site ever you have been lucky indeed and I advise you to stay way away from reddit.

It's a public (ish) forum. The risk you take of seeking support and discussion and so on in an arena like this is that anyone can answer.

I mostly go on FWR when I visit MN and I would say that's a remarkably non toxic area of the internet.

It's been a bit rubbish. Asking advice has been okay I've found. I have asked for advice on here and the experience has been generally quite positive. I'm expecting my first baby in March and I went and looked at prams and broke down when I got home because I was still so unsure if my little one was going to make it. Given my history, it's hardly surprising. I still worry even now. Lots of supportive MN'ers came to my rescue that evening and I'm so grateful. Thank you all again if you're reading this.

Well that just sums up the internet in general doesn't it. People can reveal a very different personality to the one they have in person.

You can't control what anyone else does, only yourself. You can point out people are arseholes, but it's unlikely to make them change what they're doing. In fact I'd suggest it's more likely to increase their activity, so you either need to learn to be more resilient and able to simply ignore nonsense posts, or step back altogether.

I do agree life will be harder for younger people though, based on this.

No I absolutely appreciate the kind responses I got. This thread is not about that one, I just sued that one as an example. I have posted threads before that I got a disgusting amount of bullying over and I am not even talking solely about myself- I am more so talking about the website in general. Every day I go to the trending section to see whats going on and my jaw drops to the floor at how disgusting some replies are!!!! That is what this thread is about. Strange of you to assume I don't appreciate the nice comments I received.

I remember a comment on MN that a health visitor tells people not to use MN, as it’s so confrontational.

Back in the days of teletext, I remember a comment on Backchat (a page where teenagers could write in; a kind of forerunner to social media, which got a bit heated sometimes) from 1997, which I think sums up social media nicely: “I love Backchat, because of the stupid things you all talk about. Keep up the good work, everyone, it’s so funny!”

You're posting here ... cherchez la femme, @noidea69.Sorry to say in cases like this, 9 times out of 10 he's had his head turned. If he catches you going through his deleted messages, tell him you know he's checked out of your marriage because you posted on Mumsnet 👀😏

Or that some completely normal behaviour is very odd…

Some people are just spoiling for a fight from the minute they get out of bed.

It is not new. My first post was in March or April 22 asking if anyone knew of a better mortgage rate than X, and a bunch of people, without knowing anything about me, told me I could not afford the house.

Alrighty. So on a 105k income with no kids or family and just a lease car and no debts and 2.5k a month slush fund, we can't afford it. UH HUH.

They didn't know a single thing about me.

It's utter batshittery.

I have taken to reading Housing UK on reddit a bit more recently, where completely inappropriate and incorrect replies get downvoted, so if someone's being a dick, or just giving out bad advice, their reply will have a minus next to it.

I have never seen anything like MN before.

But, there are places that are far, far nastier, as a PP has said. 4Chan was particularly renound for it back in the day.

I used to have a friend who was proud of himself for being able to track people down on other forums using their particularly way of speaking. Like that is something to boast about, and not just downright creepy?

People are odd.

I stick around on here because I like to help people and sometimes people are extremely supportive (DV/FA for example), and seeing those posts balances out the batshittery and insane levels of completely inappropriate armchair detective crap and judgement that goes on here.

Maybe its your husband who is cheating and you are projecting 😉

Honestly, while there will always be a minority of unpleasant posters, as on any site, from the responses of some OPs, you get the impression they’ve never had someone robustly disagree with them in their lives.

I haven’t seen your other thread, but I do agree that I have seen some really unpleasant responses, many way too personal for this type of forum. I don’t think it’s specifically a Mumsnet issue, as I have seen similar across social media. I also hope you feel better soon.

Poor you, OP, must be dreadful visiting this site.
Except you chose to be here.

There are a lot of sad, bitter, nasty people on MN who like nothing better than to pile on OPs who are clearly having a difficult time. Must make them feel marginally better about their own existence. I just pity them when I see them. There are also a lot of lovely posters luckily however its often the nasties who band together to pile on people and the nice folk get drowned out.

I literally said that this thread is not solely about that thread. I used my last thread as an EXAMPLE of the point I am trying to make. I see bullying on everyone's threads every day. That is what I am talking about. The comments all seem to agree so it is clearly an issue.

One thing I keep seeing is if the first few posters take a certain turn, a whole pile on happens with posters saying the same thing and even using the same language. Like this woman who recently complained about her husband putting down her teenage daughter and the commenters decided that the teenager (a kid!) was annoying and had it coming and so there were 20 pages of the same thing.

I have not seen such a total representation of hive mind behavior anywhere on the web than as here.

If the first few posters are thoughtful and kind, then it usually doesn’t take such a bad turn.

It might be an issue, but you do seem to be taking offence on this thread that isn't really warranted.

This thread is not about that thread. I just used that thread as an example. This thread is about all of MN. I do appreciate the supportive comments I got.

I use Reddit more than I use Mn.

OP I just read your other thread that you refer to about your SIL. In fairness to Mumsnet most of the posters are sympathetic to you and your poll is currently 89% YANBU. You will always get some insanely disagreeable people, but not everyone is going to be in agreement with you, especially on the AIBU board.

You’re not wrong. It is a bit of a cess pit. I can’t understand why MNHQ are not embarrassed about it. Is this really what they think represents mums? There’s a core of deeply unpleasant individuals on here who’s hatred toward men just oozes out in every post and seem to have far too much time on their hands.

You would hope that a website specifically designed for mums would aim to be a bit more supportive, no?

Or is that dated and misogynistic of me to say so?

What are you talking about?

Is this a dictatorship? Are we not allowed to criticise the site just because we are on it? Lol