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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Misunderstood Xmas gift

626 replies

Idontpostmuch · 03/12/2025 10:42

Just for fun, what have you given as a Christmas present that totally fell flat and was misunderstood? My bad idea was a box of luxury crackers. It was some yrs ago, late 80s. Very cheap crackers were the norm and the luxury sort were more of a rarity. So I bought a box for my sister. She and her husband always had friends round on Boxing Day or NY Day, when she pulled out all the stops. The crackers would have graced any table. White with golden ribbons, they looked classy, and the items inside were so much nicer than the usual trinkets. Twice as expensive for half as many, it seemed the sort of thing many would like but would never justify buying. However, my sister decided that since nobody would give anyone crackers, they had to be intended just as packaging, so she proceeded to pull them all one after the other, and ended up with a pile of trinkets, albeit superior trinkets.

That's my best flop, but a close second is giving a friend a metal water bottle because she carried water in an old plastic lemonade bottle. So she now uses the bottle at home when the rest of us use glasses and carries on with her ancient plastic bottles outside.

OP posts:
FestiveFruitloop · 15/12/2025 14:19

Calliopespa · 15/12/2025 14:14

I kind of take that to mean not expecting a gift in return though? I think a thank you is a pretty basic minimum and surely the "don't expect in return" brigade don't mean a po-faced handover with not a murmur of thanks?

I actually agree up to a point about not expecting a gift in return as I have known a few people who have given (not to me, but they involved me in their thinking) in an attempt to sort of force-deepen a rapport with someone. I think in that kind of circumstance a return gift is letting yourself be manipulated. They were then hugely irate when the return gift was not forthcoming!

Generally speaking, however, it is nice to acknowledge a gift with a gift in response.

I mainly meant saying thank you, rather than gifting in return - I've seen so many threads on here where people have been complaining that someone didn't say thank you for a gift, and you get all this 'you shouldn't need a thank you, stop making it about you' crap which I always find depressing. I think it often comes from parents who don't thank people for their children's gifts or teach them to say thank you, tbh. They walk among us...

Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 14:28

Crackers is really the most bizarre gift. I promise I’m not your sister. I’d have done the same as her and then asked you wtf!

fatphalange · 15/12/2025 16:15

FestiveFruitloop · 15/12/2025 13:58

Unfortunately there's a contingent on MN that will tell you if you expect any kind of pleased reaction or even a thank-you for a gift, you're being performative and 'a gift should be freely given with no expectations in return'. 🙄

Yes, some people would have the ideal gift exchanging scenario as this: present giver furtively takes out present, nonchalantly places it into recipient’s hand. The two lock eyes briefly and grimly nod to one another. Recipient puts gift to one side without looking at it, mutters something about opening it later and then moves the subject swiftly on to something unrelated.

Idontpostmuch · 15/12/2025 17:04

Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 14:28

Crackers is really the most bizarre gift. I promise I’m not your sister. I’d have done the same as her and then asked you wtf!

But she didn't ask me wtf.

OP posts:
Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 17:07

lol @Idontpostmuch then she is way more polite than me. It really is the most bizarre gift.

Idontpostmuch · 15/12/2025 17:11

Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 17:07

lol @Idontpostmuch then she is way more polite than me. It really is the most bizarre gift.

You misunderstand.

OP posts:
Livpool · 15/12/2025 17:19

Grammarnut · 03/12/2025 14:25

Your sister is weird. Why would you pull all the crackers?

Why would anyone give crackers as a gift?! (Sorry OP)

MyMiniMetro · 15/12/2025 18:07

FestiveFruitloop · 15/12/2025 13:58

Unfortunately there's a contingent on MN that will tell you if you expect any kind of pleased reaction or even a thank-you for a gift, you're being performative and 'a gift should be freely given with no expectations in return'. 🙄

A gift should be freely given without any expectation of the gift being returned but regardless, a thank you is bare minimum in most situations where someone hands you something. A spoon in Starbucks, your change at the corner shop, your medicine at the chemist, if we can mange a thank you for strangers then we should definitely offer a thank you to people who know us well enough to be buying us gifts.

Calliopespa · 15/12/2025 19:18

FestiveFruitloop · 15/12/2025 14:19

I mainly meant saying thank you, rather than gifting in return - I've seen so many threads on here where people have been complaining that someone didn't say thank you for a gift, and you get all this 'you shouldn't need a thank you, stop making it about you' crap which I always find depressing. I think it often comes from parents who don't thank people for their children's gifts or teach them to say thank you, tbh. They walk among us...

They walk among us...😂

Yes, I agree, a thank you is important.

Idontpostmuch · 15/12/2025 20:52

Livpool · 15/12/2025 17:19

Why would anyone give crackers as a gift?! (Sorry OP)

Too tedious to explain yet again. Fully explained in initial post and more details given later. Probably a mistake to have mentioned it, but as I was asking for anecdotes about misunderstood or unappreciated gifts from other posters, I thought I should make an effort myself. There are lots if interesting stories on this thread, but a lot of tedious posts simply criticising not only my gift but those given by others, all,of which have required explanations equally tedious to those initially posting about them.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 15/12/2025 21:32

Idontpostmuch · 15/12/2025 20:52

Too tedious to explain yet again. Fully explained in initial post and more details given later. Probably a mistake to have mentioned it, but as I was asking for anecdotes about misunderstood or unappreciated gifts from other posters, I thought I should make an effort myself. There are lots if interesting stories on this thread, but a lot of tedious posts simply criticising not only my gift but those given by others, all,of which have required explanations equally tedious to those initially posting about them.

Some people travel only on very trodden paths op.

I can totally see why crackers might have seemed a good idea for someone who loves hosting.

Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 23:38

Yeah no. I read the initial post and still couldn’t see why you’d gift that. It’s like giving toilet paper since everyone uses the loo. Not misunderstood. Just really odd ‘gift’.

Calliopespa · 16/12/2025 08:17

Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 23:38

Yeah no. I read the initial post and still couldn’t see why you’d gift that. It’s like giving toilet paper since everyone uses the loo. Not misunderstood. Just really odd ‘gift’.

Well I doubt the DSis would have unravelled all the toilet rolls ...

I can see that a single cracker might have looked as though it housed a gift - a bit like the ones Asprey do, with very expensive, usually silver, trinkets and jewellery inside.

But those are gifted as individual crackers; you would be unlikely to buy someone a box of those. And presumably the box op gave must have said on the outside "Box of Festive Crackers" and probably even and a photo of the gifts and paper hats etc.

Calamitousness · 16/12/2025 10:10

@Calliopespa I know! Genuinely. You don’t need to keep explaining. I get it. A box of Christmas crackers. It’s insanely odd. It’s something you buy as a host to put on everyone’s placemat. It’s not a gift for me to not have to buy something used for hosting others that I will be putting on my table for them. How on earth is that a gift! It’s something you might bring along with your hostess gift and give it along with that to whomever is hosting as a little add on since you have them lying around. But keep on explaining what it is. This is just more hilarious. It’s really explaining a lot of replies on mumsnet threads.

Idontpostmuch · 16/12/2025 10:14

Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 23:38

Yeah no. I read the initial post and still couldn’t see why you’d gift that. It’s like giving toilet paper since everyone uses the loo. Not misunderstood. Just really odd ‘gift’.

No, I didn't mean you had misunderstood my giving of the gift. I meant you had misunderstood the point of my post. If I had said poor me, she didn't like my present, how unreasonable, then your remarks and opinions would have some relevance. However my point was that she had totally got the wrong end of the stick and was so pleased with herself for having worked out what to do with them. She's always prided herself on her ability to work things out. As it is, with any present you care to mention, some people will think it a good idea, others a terrible one. So who cares what you think! Completely irrelevant. In any case there are much more interesting stories than mine on this thread, and I could have left my own out without it being missed. You probably haven't bothered to contribute any, of course. All you're doing is cluttering the thread and making it harder for any of us to find the posts genuinely worth reading.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/12/2025 10:32

The crackers is pretty annoying as the host will almost always have them and you can pull on many other days.
My kids have a metal water bottle they use every day saving hundreds of plastic ones. Was it particularly heavy? I can’t think of any other reason for not approaching it…

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/12/2025 10:32

Appreciating it I mean…

Idontpostmuch · 16/12/2025 10:44

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/12/2025 10:32

The crackers is pretty annoying as the host will almost always have them and you can pull on many other days.
My kids have a metal water bottle they use every day saving hundreds of plastic ones. Was it particularly heavy? I can’t think of any other reason for not approaching it…

Yes, I had guessed that was a typo. No, not heavy, just standard water bottle like I have and use. She thought I was trying to make her take exercise. She's sedentary. Having said that, she wasn't offended - she keeps saying she must get some - but she thought it was for exercising. So I explained it was just for general out and about use. She clearly does like it because she uses it at home, but why not use a glass?

OP posts:
Idontpostmuch · 16/12/2025 10:54

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/12/2025 10:32

The crackers is pretty annoying as the host will almost always have them and you can pull on many other days.
My kids have a metal water bottle they use every day saving hundreds of plastic ones. Was it particularly heavy? I can’t think of any other reason for not approaching it…

No, she didn't find them annoying. Loved telling the story. No, almost certainly would NOT have had them since it was New Year's Day that she had guests. Even if she'd had guests on Xmas Day, any crackers would have been used. But it was just her plus husband, so not worth crackers. Also, crackers then were really basic, much more basic than even the cheapest that you get now, often still crepe paper. These were luxury crackers, yet to appear regularly on the high street.

OP posts:
sprigatito · 16/12/2025 11:43

I’d have been delighted with posh crackers, personally! I love hosting and all the trappings of Christmas and if I could afford to splash out on really expensive crackers I would. Someone who knew me well would know that and it would be a very thoughtful and appropriate gift for me. OK, OP thought her sister would feel the same and it was a misfire in this case - who hasn’t got it wrong at least once? But I don’t understand why people think it’s such a weird and wacky choice. It’s posh crackers, not an inflatable cock.

fatphalange · 16/12/2025 11:45

Calamitousness · 15/12/2025 23:38

Yeah no. I read the initial post and still couldn’t see why you’d gift that. It’s like giving toilet paper since everyone uses the loo. Not misunderstood. Just really odd ‘gift’.

Not at all like giving toilet paper :/

Kazzaa46 · 16/12/2025 11:54

Not me but I did witness a funny secret Santa event.
We all had to buy something beginning with D and with a limit of £5 it was pretty tough. Albeit this was about 20 years ago so £5 stretched further.
We all opened our gifts and one team member opened hers and she had a box of ‘dunking dickies’. Basically biscuits shaped like men’s ’bits’

Colleague did not see the funny side. She was very offended saying she wanted a proper present and couldn’t take them home for her husband to see.

No one owned up to being the gift giver but it was clear they completely misjudged her sense of humour.

CherryRipe1 · 16/12/2025 12:42

sprigatito · 16/12/2025 11:43

I’d have been delighted with posh crackers, personally! I love hosting and all the trappings of Christmas and if I could afford to splash out on really expensive crackers I would. Someone who knew me well would know that and it would be a very thoughtful and appropriate gift for me. OK, OP thought her sister would feel the same and it was a misfire in this case - who hasn’t got it wrong at least once? But I don’t understand why people think it’s such a weird and wacky choice. It’s posh crackers, not an inflatable cock.

My parents used to wrap up boxes of crackers for me as a child at Christmas. I loved them. The hilarity & slight trepidation of pulling them then getting the duds that didn't crack to combust. My favourite novelties were the fake lips and forerunners of the Turkey Teef, joke teeth. I had some gorgeous luxury crackers a few years back & I still use the champagne stopper, 2 mini tape meaures & magnifying glass.

Idontpostmuch · 16/12/2025 12:56

Kazzaa46 · 16/12/2025 11:54

Not me but I did witness a funny secret Santa event.
We all had to buy something beginning with D and with a limit of £5 it was pretty tough. Albeit this was about 20 years ago so £5 stretched further.
We all opened our gifts and one team member opened hers and she had a box of ‘dunking dickies’. Basically biscuits shaped like men’s ’bits’

Colleague did not see the funny side. She was very offended saying she wanted a proper present and couldn’t take them home for her husband to see.

No one owned up to being the gift giver but it was clear they completely misjudged her sense of humour.

Love this story. Have just read a Guardian article about Secret Santa gone wrong.

OP posts:
Cornflakegirl7 · 17/12/2025 11:36

Idontpostmuch · 16/12/2025 12:56

Love this story. Have just read a Guardian article about Secret Santa gone wrong.

I didn't see the sense of humour in a secret santa once. I had been sanctioned at work for my hair colour, which was a bright shade of red (not pillarbox red, burgundy-ish red but unnatural still) and had taken to wearing something to cover my hair.

I was given a box of brown hair dye, cheapest of the cheap too, like what you might get in savers or home bargains. I am sure adequate to do the job for someone to want to dye their hair brown of course, but I didn't. And everyone else got a 'proper' present, there wasn't a joke theme.

Twice in SS I didn't get anything at all while others did. Not the biggest fan of it now!