To think there is a definite surge in annoyance towards the disabled?

[WarySwan]

I have seen it in real life. Not just social media forums and news outlets where every other post seems to be about 'free money this for disabled' and 'free cars'.

My 2 children have autism. They get highest rate DLA. About £800 a month. We get respite care funded that costs the tax payer about £700 a month.

Just had an extension on our new build house, housing association, brand new bedroom and ensuite installed. Free of charge through the council.

Motability 7 seater car. 25 plate.

People seem to just see this and see the money. They do not see the costs that are present because of disability. The amount of time and resources it takes to keep 2 profoundly children at home.

They do not see that my children will need 24/7 care for life. 2-1 support in public. The constant cleaning and caring. Waking up at the crack of dawn, years on end. Cleaning smearing and endless washing. Endless marks on your body from a child who doesn't get that taking a chunk out of you will hurt that much and scar

Watching your eldest almost die as he can't speak a word or use a communication device. Meaning appendicitis went undetected until he was almost dying. The constant battle of keeping a cannula in his arm with hospital staff just not getting why a play therapist does not bloody cut it and he needs constant supervision that I cannot possibly do 24/7 without moving from the bedside. The weeks spend in recovery because of this.

If we do not or cannot provide this care, residential placements are about £40,000+ per month. Yes. Per month. It is eye watering in cost. That won't change anytime soon because social care is beyond shot to bits.

My children deserve the best life possible. And a dignified society should surely want to ensure this happens? Children who are not disabled and their parents have options. They have chances and doorways. Mine will never work. Never have a marriage or children, they won't even be able to cook a basic meal.

There is no overtime or upskilling for me. No situation where they fly the nest and I can focus on my career again. Unless they become some dangerous through no fault of their own that a 40k plus a month placement goes ahead as the alternative means I could die or be seriously injured, and that would mean they'd be at risk if I am literally unconscious on the floor.

They still deserve dignity and compassion. The chance of a good life. They are very happy currently. Good routines that are followed to a T. Safe at home because I have the resources to do it.

Care placement does not save money. Unfortunately. It would cost over ten times what I get in benefits.

I have seen so many mentions of people saying those on benefits should have no savings at all. Nothing. Really? You think my life isn't hard enough? You think I shouldn't be allowed a small nest of savings too?

When I finally drop down from caring, I will have next to no pension. After spending a lifetime ensuring the state doesn't have to take full responsibility for 2 adult men that will mean at least 4 paid members of staff are present at all times.

I am not just talking about MN. It is everywhere. Even 'funny' reels on Instagram targeted about how the disabled get this and that. How they should all drive a basic tiny car that has something written in bold to make sure everyone knows its a free car, as if they're really disabled, they'll use. That'll stop the chancers eh!

This is NOT about criticism towards PIP and DLA for things people deem questionable... even though they almost certainly dont have all the facts. This is about the blatant and not hidden disgust and begrudge of help to those with lifelong and profound disability

PEOPLE keep saying in black and white, no room for confusion in their words, that the disabled get too much. That it isn't fair.

I suppose this thread will get deleted. But a lot of views seem to be going unchallenged about the disabled that wouldn't be allowed if it was about something else that's suppose to be a protected characteristic. Seems to have quite a few comparisons with a certain country in Europe 80 or so years ago. When the hatred and deceit was being thrown around and brain washing people before not many years later, the public became okay with euthanasia of them.

Hell, I am sure we are already there for some. As I have seen with my own eyes, people commenting on MN and the likes of social media where their bloody name and pictures of themselves and their work can be traced, that euthanasia could be an option, ideally.

TW: mentions abortion..

And since this is a namechange I'll answer the question about why I have a child with complex needs when we already had a child.

Because we didnt know. We had absolutely zero idea that his needs would be as complex, wide ranging or needing as much support as he does. 2 years ago I found myself pregnant despite contraception. I had an abortion because there's absolutely no way I could have had another child. I have absolutely zero regrets for doing this. DH has since had a vavasectomy btw so it wont happen again. Theres absolutely no way I could have had a baby in thr house, especially with a 14 year old with the mentality of a toddler and a penchant for violent and challenging behaviour thats led to me being in A&E before.

Twins, or in my case, a very, very small gap between children so unless it was obvious at birth you wouldn't know.

But many other reasons as well.

Not rtft but I think it’s because of the sharp rise in people claiming social welfare for Mickey Mouse disabilities (sorry, not sorry) such as “anxiety”. Not genuinely disabled people (wheel chair users for example). So therefore people lump them all together as a “disabled” collective and equate folks jumping on the disability bandwagon for mental health for a free ride on the taxpayer with their ever increasing tax burden, because let’s face it, it’s hard to disprove. I don’t think anyone would begrudge anyone for a physical obvious disability.

I am not saying that this is my personal view but I think it’s the view of the collective. Especially those in minimum wage jobs who see “the disabled” having a far better life at the hands of taxpayers while they themselves are struggling along to “do the right thing” and be part of Starmer’s “ordinary working people”. I’d probably be pretty bitter if I were part of the working poor.
That said, sensationalist media doesn’t help. The Daily Mail has a lot to answer for.

A diagnosis is not the same as a disability.

I also think it is the dilution of what constitutes disabled that is making people angry. I would like us to give more, but to less people.

Because a baby isn't born with a tag attached to them that says 'I'm profoundly autistic'.

By the time it becomes obvious, there's usually already a second child.

I know, I do know this. I just find it so bloody difficult that we can't even go to the 'SEN' groups because my children are too disabled for them. I can't relate to nearly all the 'SEN parents'. It's hard not to get selfish and defensive about it.

Why specially disabled boys?

Disabled people wash, for a start, or certainly can be washed.

The rest of it, I’m not really sure what you’re suggesting we do with them. My assumption is that you mean don’t support them to live, and therefore allow them to die - which really, is just beyond words.

This is also true.

You say apart from the fact that they are human like that's not a good enough reason in itself.

Youre saying Give me a reason that isnt the actual, important reason... That they are human beings who deserve life and through no fault of their own, need help.

@WarySwan I’m sorry that these attitudes exist. I’m posting because I want you to know that many people do see the struggles of people in situations like yours and think that you are entitled to every penny of what you get (and frankly should get more). I hope you have a lovely Christmas.

Because in reading the posts most people seemed to be taking about sons.

It wasn't meant to be gendered.

If you can articulate a rational reason I'm sure it will apply to all sexes.

I'm trying to ask, if we didn't currently support people, knowing what we now know about the increasing nature of that support, why would we chose to do that?

And i did ask people not to consider killing a bunch of people.

Autism is by definition a disability
It is however a huge a spectrum and not everyone with it will be eligible for disability benefits.

My honest sympathies OP- you are doing an amazing job for your DCs.

Not related to your comment but I do think something needs to be looked into re the cost of care (all sectors). Without knowing the system, it’s hard to understand how it can cost so much (£40kpw!!) when the majority of workers in the care sector are paid minimum/low wage. Is it because so many care homes are owned by private equity firms who need a certain % profit? Anyone in the industry know? Can this service be re-nationalised and delivered at a lower cost? I think it’s probably the exorbitant cost and profiteering rather than paying for anyone who actually needs care that’s the issue.

Where would you draw the line and decide what is and isn't a disability?

I think the idea that its easy to get extra benefits etc needs to be scotched, it isn't, an interview with the parent and then the child, school reports etc was still denied, granted on appeal.

This is what happened recently to a parent i know with, now, 2 kids with Autism, they are extremely challenging, i wouldn't have wanted this, regardless of the extra money.

I think it’s more that too many people are claiming who aren’t seriously disabled. The criteria needs to be stricter especially for mental health conditions.
I can also see why people who would angry you got an extension built for free. There has to be some personal responsibility as well.

Because, we live in a civilised society and dont just go round euthanising, people who are less than productive

Of course it is. And the idea my brother, sister, father, brother in lawx2, father in law, nephew or cousin require benefits due to their autism is ridiculous. They all hold, or held, down very successful careers and in a couple of cases very high flying, married, families etc.

There is of course profit and there are quite a few scandals about that.

but if you multiple 24 hours by 2 people by minimum wage by 365 days a year plus on costs, its over 20k a month. Then you need to feed clothes and house the person too Plus admin, training etc. Its never going to be cheap.

While there are of course many genuine claimants for these benefits, sadly many of us know that the system is abused by the not so genuine. There needs to be a shake up of the whole benefits system really. If you are genuinely in need then you should not object to this. I am physically disabled, with limited mobility, blue badge holder, and walk using crutches. Nowadays every time I go shopping I often can't park as all the disabled spaces are full. Inside the shops it's very rare to see anyone who seems to have any physical limitations, so I'm not sure why they need a wide space. If I can't park in a wide space then I can't physically get out of the car. No doubt I will be told that not all disabilities are visible .... yes I know.

There's a surge in all sorts of things I thought we'd left behind in the 70s OP.
We live in a climate where people's lives are not as good as they were and where they're worse off than they expected. Inevitably when this is the case, there is a rush to find a scapegoat and political bad actors are all too willing to provide them to push their own agenda.
We are receiving strong messaging that the reasons society is in poor shape isn't due to political mismanagement or resources lying with the rich and powerful, but due to this group or that. Migrants and benefit claimants being the most popular. Years ago it was single mums 'taking all the council houses'.
Always underlying the choice of scapegoat there is an 'ism', racism, able ism, misogyny. Gradually the messaging takes hold, and isms once accepted as wrong suddenly gain a veneer of respectability as people believe themselves justified in targeting a group of people, based on smearing and stereotypes.

Kim Leadbetter MP and Lord Falconer as desperately trying to enable it though…

Its a good enough reason for me. Not the god bit. I'm not religious, but the human beings bit

If its not a good enough reason for you then that's really on you.

I will never ever think that my, how did you put it? Violent, filthy and unhygienic son who brings nothing of value to the world doesnt deserve life and the support to exist.

I personally dont want to think what a world that put people to sleep if they weren't considered of value would look like.