Ex and father to my oldest died and I’m being accused of being unfair regarding inheritance

[freakingscared]

It’s a long one but I will try and make it as short as possible .
My oldest is a young adult but has severe autism , not independent, non verbal etc . The dad and I where together 3 years and my child was born when I was 19 and him 24 . We separated during pregnancy as he did not want the baby and he was very abusive including physical. I moved abroad and never returned to my home country to live but I visit often . He saw his the baby until he was 20 months when I visited so about 4 times in total and then told me he was not ready to be a father and he would deal with it when my son was older . It’s been over 20 years since we had any contact .
I have struggled a lot when he was small working 2 jobs then back to Uni , with his diagnosis and minimum help from anyone around me . I used to say it was us against the world and it really was that way , but we somehow always won . Years passed I found a good job and career , have my own home remarried to a wonderful man who is a fabulous stepdad and dad to our other 2 children .
Anyway out of the blue I received a message on social media looking for my son . I found it odd but after confirming it was someone from my home country needing help to trace my son as his father died and he was sole heir . I was a bit shocked and had to explain and show I represented my son due to his disability etc etc .
Anyway he lived with this person for the last 15 years but the house was in his name and insurance paid the house in full and she has no rights over it as they never declared they civil partnership . I started proceedings to sell the house and suddenly all of her family and his are messaging me calling me a scammer and a gold digger and telling me I’m making her homeless out of spite as I don’t need it and I will spend it on myself as I will have control of the money .
This has nothing to do with revenge , he is dead , she is the sister of an old mutual friend so she knew all about my son and his behaviour etc .
I even reached out and told her if she wanted to rent the hose for a year to find an alternative I would do it bellow market value , value is around £1300 per month she wanted to pay me £250 if I let her stay 5 years. . I said no .
Am I being unfair ? This guy spend his life ignoring his son , he knew I struggled in the early years , he choose not to be a part of his life and he never gave him a penny . No I do t need it and neither does my son thanks to me and my husband but it’s his right and it’s his money .

Good god, of course YANBU.
You are not being "awful" - you are advocating for your disabled son.
This inheritance will give him future financial security - and I'd see it as reimbursement for a lifetime of not having a father support or see him.
Block anyone sending abuse to you, and don't take their words to heart.

You have been a great mum so far. Remain this great mum, the money is your son's. When you die, he will need every penny of it. Don't you even think otherwise.

Ignore them all and get the house sold. You can offer her sone of the money if you want. I would offer her a gift of 20k.

It’s not hers to give - it belongs to her son.

From your own money?

Because the inheritance isn’t the OP’s to give. It doesn’t belong to her.

£20k? No way! For what? She's threatening to destroy the house rather than allow her boyfriends autistic child who needs a lifetime of care have it. She doesn't deserve a penny!

Legally surely you must act in his best interests. For me this would make the decision very simple. No deals, no renting or agreements she needs to move out.

i feel sorry for the partner but you can do nothing about that.

20k?! That would be way too much going to her. But anyway it’s her son’s money so she can’t go gifting it to people even if she wanted to.

Not least because it would have to come out of OPs own pocket, not the estate. Nah, balls to her.

Havent read the whole thread but this lady, her family and your deceased ex's family sat by and watched your son get no support from his father for pretty much his entire life. You were due support in financial and emotional ways from them which they denied you.

You owe them NOTHING but your childs father owes you. You need to cut them off in the same way they cut you off. You (your son) own the house and you need to realise the asset to ensure your childs future.

Who cares about upsetting someone who doesnt give a shit about you

I feel like there’s a legal arguement to buy her off with money from the estate. Same way landlords sometimes pay tenants to leave as it’d be cheaper than paying for an eviction through the courts/ possible property damage.

I’m sure it would be in line with her fiduciary duties if it was justifiable. I’d get a solicitor to cost my options but I’m really pragmatic.

Exactly. I feel it's always better to compromise than play hardball. At least then your conceinse in clear that you tried to be reasonable.

Do not give her anything. Your disabled son deserves this inheritance. You got on with life when your son's father abandoned you, she should just get on with life - she's still fairly young with no dependents, so not that difficult for her as it was for you.

Sometime in the course of 15 years she should have figured it out. And if you draw a line and say "I'm not going to do x until we're married," or whatever then it doesn't matter if they lie - you get married first, you make the legal arrangements first.

@cornflourblue why is my post nonsense? I said the same as almost everyone else. Did you select me at random?!

They are the hold diggers trying to steal from a disabled child. Its his right.

She has had free rent for years. I don’t feel sorry for her.

It's your son's money; even if you could change his inheritance (you can't), you shouldn't. Sell the house and set up a trust for his future care.

Why do so many people use these emotive words like "homeless" when someone has to move? If you live in a home that isn't yours (whether because you're renting or because you're living in someone else's home rent-free), you may end up having to move when you'd rather not. You rent or buy somewhere else, and you move. "I've been freeloading for years and therefore I should be allowed to go on freeloading" is a weird argument. Why is is this man's job to provide free housing for his girlfriend, even after death? Hasn't she been working, saving etc? She must have saved a fortune with no rent or mortgage for 15 years - where did all her money go? She doesn't even have DC, so why was "sponging off a man forever" a valid plan? Don't worry about her at all. She sounds like the type who'll find another meal ticket in no time.

Your sole job is to advocate for your son (his son), ignore everything else and block them

enjoy the money, he never contributed. Use it to enjoy your life with your son, pay for carers so you can go out, enjoy outings, it’s all yours.

The money belongs to your son and him alone assuming he had no other children. If your ex wanted it to go to his partner he should have married his partner or made a will. So yanbu.