Ex and father to my oldest died and I’m being accused of being unfair regarding inheritance

[freakingscared]

It’s a long one but I will try and make it as short as possible .
My oldest is a young adult but has severe autism , not independent, non verbal etc . The dad and I where together 3 years and my child was born when I was 19 and him 24 . We separated during pregnancy as he did not want the baby and he was very abusive including physical. I moved abroad and never returned to my home country to live but I visit often . He saw his the baby until he was 20 months when I visited so about 4 times in total and then told me he was not ready to be a father and he would deal with it when my son was older . It’s been over 20 years since we had any contact .
I have struggled a lot when he was small working 2 jobs then back to Uni , with his diagnosis and minimum help from anyone around me . I used to say it was us against the world and it really was that way , but we somehow always won . Years passed I found a good job and career , have my own home remarried to a wonderful man who is a fabulous stepdad and dad to our other 2 children .
Anyway out of the blue I received a message on social media looking for my son . I found it odd but after confirming it was someone from my home country needing help to trace my son as his father died and he was sole heir . I was a bit shocked and had to explain and show I represented my son due to his disability etc etc .
Anyway he lived with this person for the last 15 years but the house was in his name and insurance paid the house in full and she has no rights over it as they never declared they civil partnership . I started proceedings to sell the house and suddenly all of her family and his are messaging me calling me a scammer and a gold digger and telling me I’m making her homeless out of spite as I don’t need it and I will spend it on myself as I will have control of the money .
This has nothing to do with revenge , he is dead , she is the sister of an old mutual friend so she knew all about my son and his behaviour etc .
I even reached out and told her if she wanted to rent the hose for a year to find an alternative I would do it bellow market value , value is around £1300 per month she wanted to pay me £250 if I let her stay 5 years. . I said no .
Am I being unfair ? This guy spend his life ignoring his son , he knew I struggled in the early years , he choose not to be a part of his life and he never gave him a penny . No I do t need it and neither does my son thanks to me and my husband but it’s his right and it’s his money .

You're in another country so I don't know the law there, but I believe in the UK it would be unlawful for you not to take the inheritance for your son. You are acting as his advocate and would be legally obliged to act in his best interests not anybody else's. Even if your son has plenty of money, it's clearly not in his best interests to give a house worth's away to someone, or even to delay selling unless it was likely to increase the net profit in doing so.

When it comes to the rights and wrongs of her position - he was abusive to you and a neglectful father, it would hardly be a stretch to think he abused his partner too and she is in a hard place largely because of that. So she may well be shocked and upset. Unfortunately for her, as the partners of many abusive men discover, that doesn't give her any rights to his wealth.

THIS ^

AND THIS ^

Legally of course it’s your son’s inheritance. Go for it.

This guy really left some shittiness in his wake though, didn’t he?

Ignoring his child all his life. Leaving this woman with nothing. What a dick. Ofc the woman should have made sure she was protected but I bet he did fuck all to assist her in that.

You sound nice. Taking pleasure in other people’s misery.

Stay strong. It’s your son’s inheritance and they should have considered this was a possibility. Just ignore and block anyone sending you those type of messages.

Your son and his future is your only concern here, her accommodation issues are her problem and frankly, it’s her and your ex’s fault for not making arrangements to protect themselves properly. Luckily it sounds like lots of people can rally around her and help her out, isn’t she lucky? Block all these people and let your solicitor deal with it all.

You can’t be accountable for how he managed his finances and his will, that was for him to deal with. Just keep repeating that to everyone who tries to give you hassle.

And THIS is why marriage or civil partnership matters. In OPs position I would also fight for the lot for my son, he needs the money, and he is the legal heir.

Fellow severe autism mum here.

ask yourself this.
if your DS wasn’t profoundly autistic and was pursuing this himself. If he were wanting his inheritance to purchase his own property, fund uni, start a business or do anything ‘regular’ young adults do. Would anybody think he was a ‘scammer’ or ‘good digger’?

no
they wouldn’t.
they would think it was his money and he was entitled to it. So personally I think this attitude comes down to the fact that he’s disabled and they don’t like that you will have control over the money but that’s nothing to do with them and you are advocating for your DS.

Have absolutely no doubt that if there is any way she could get her hands on the inheritance, all her morals would go out of the window.

Anyway, the decision is only yours because of your son’s disabilities - and therefore you have to do what you believe is in his best interests, not what you would do if it were for yourself - you are legally obliged to do that.

you could just say ‘if it were for me, I’d do things differently, but I’m representing a disabled person and I am legally obliged to do what is in his best interest’ on repeat

You need to proceed with collecting your son’s inheritance with exactly the same warmth, care and empathy that your DS Father showed him throughout his life.
Take what is his, and leave.
They want to call you a gold digger? Fine. And absolutely no reduced rent option if that’s how they want to play it. I’d deal exclusively with the solicitor and save your inner peace.

I feel extremely sorry for the woman in question and feel she should not left with nothing. I've felt the pain of being sidelined by someone you have no connection with inheriting everything due to a relatives incompetence in making a will, and that was even being removed several degrees, let alone an actual 15 years of cohabitation.

However, I acknowledge that the onus was on your ex to have made provision for her and it's certainly not your lookout. Your son has lifelong needs and will need the money and his father never adequately provided for him whilst he was living. You must absolutely do the best for him. I certainly would have done better in life had some of that family money been secured for me. It would have paid for uni for one thing, likewise your son.

But it's very sad. The guy seems to have just been very selfish.

You are absolutely doing the right thing, you must have that money for your son and his future.

Your ex did nothing to help him in life, so he owes him in death.

You are not responsible for his partner, after all you looked after yourself and your son when you were younger and made a home for yourself. Why shouldn't she be responsible for herself? You owe her nothing.

Do not rent the house to her just sell it. It might be worth you saying you will pay her £5k as a gesture of goodwill if she leaves ... prevent any aggravation for you.

They insult you then ask you to do something nice for her..? Tell them you have made a fair offer but as they refused and think you're a gold digger and scammer anyway you want her to move out immediately. And tell them if there is any damage to the property you will ensure she is prosecuted.

Whilst your son is the legal beneficiary, I wonder if you could do the lady a kindness and give her a small proportion of the proceeds of the sale.
If they were partners for 15, I think that morally she should benefit somehow.

Even if it’s just 5% or 10%

Don’t you dare wobble or back down on this. Sell it, provide for your child and block them all.

I wouldn t take pleasure in evicting anyone. She is not “nothing” she lived with the guy for 15 years . He should have made provision for her but people often don’t plan & live in denial about their death.

This. The executors of the will have a legal duty to dispense it as the deceased specified. And you, as your son's guardian, have the legal duty to act in your son's best interests. Giving away money that legally belongs to your son, without his agreement, could get you in trouble.
Your ex obviously wished for your son to inherit; he had fifteen years to change his will if he'd wanted to.
It's unfair on the partner, but I don't think YOU can do anything about it, legally. If you're feeling generous, you can explain how you have to adhere to the law, but you understand their position and they're welcome to contest, but that's something THEY have to do.

Don’t bother replying to any of them. Forward all mail, emails, etc to lawyers. Who cares what his family thinks or says? Where were they when your son was little?

She can’t. It isn’t her money. It is her son’s money which she is ‘organising’.

She could make a payment to get her out of the house, but she’d need to show the need for it.

You have no choice anyway. The money is your son’s and if you are living in the UK then legally you have to act in his best interests. If you let her live there for a peppercorn rent you would not be acting in his interests & the court could potentially appoint a deputy who would.

It sounds like his dad never stepped up to his responsibilities when he was alive. It’s right that your son has the money.

in the UK if a man had lived with a partner for so long, they may well have a claim on the house

This is nonsense! On lots of levels.

OP you have received good legal advice and you have offered the partner a solution until she can sort herself out.

Yes she is grieving but the POS continued to show his true colours in not making any legal provision for her. He could have married her, put the house in joint names or left her a lifetime tenancy of the house in his will. He didn't, and that's not your fault.

It isn't the OPs money to offer.

The whole situation is unfortunate for the other woman, but your son is legally entitled to the entire estate. As others have said, block/don't respond to further messages and get your solicitor to deal with them.