Good teeth as dating non-negotiable

[ThatJollyGreySquid]

I went on a date on Sunday with a man I met through OLD. He was interesting, clever, polite, good company and attractive- but his teeth were awful; several missing and the remainder horribly stained. He isn’t on a low income, so could afford to have them sorted out. I would definitely have seen him again, and a friend thought I was daft to reject him based on something shallow like teeth.

AIBU to insist on decent teeth? Not veneers or really white, just normal clean teeth?

Well then that works out well for all involved.

(Although this is absolute BS - for most people “nice personality” is not enough to make up for lack of physical attraction. Especially for somebody you want to he sexually intimate with.)

Stained/discoloured teeth does not equal poor oral hygiene necessarily.

I feel like we are allowed to have dealbreakers. If my missing tooth is a turnoff, then so be it.

However, we times it just isnt easy to 'just fix it'. While implant would a few thousand but they would also have to remove my wisdom teeth that are awkwardly still under the gums for the implant to be considered. So that's another few thousand. Seems like a lot of money and time to get a new tooth that is not needed at the moment. If it makes me undatable, that if fine. We would not be a good match.

If any NHL hotties without teeth are reading this. I'm available if other women find your appearance a turnoff.

Could be anything, too much make up, body odour, children. If something puts you off that’s it!

I don’t have the best teeth. I have slightly crooked teeth but also one missing molar and one missing premolar due to several things - having a parent that didn’t really care about our teeth growing up or ever teach us (me and my siblings) how to look after them. Having a long history of mental health issues due to my first child dying and being in an incredibly abusive relationship. Having severe and chronic health issues that have affected my mouth.

I try and look after my teeth the best I can, and my other personal hygiene is absolutely fine. I try and take care of my appearance - the parts I can control anyway. At the moment I can’t afford thousands of pounds to replace the two missing teeth.

Thankfully I am in a relationship with a wonderful human being that loves me exactly how I am. They have never once mentioned or questioned it and they regularly compliment how I look and tell me how beautiful I am.

Before my partner, it was obvious that it put potential suitors off and that was soul destroying how quick people are to judge and make assumptions and it knocked my self-confidence a lot. Be kind.

And if you have no spare money to save? Theoretically all kids can get free NHS treatment but its not easy and sometimes downright impossible to get an NHS dentist space

I have had 4 teeth removed due to pregnancy dispite cleaning etc regularly I now have a denture you sound very judgemental

slightly discoloured or wonky teeth, ok. Mine are not perfect. But rotting missing teeth it’s a no go.

I went on a few dates with a nice guy who has missing front teeth and some black teeth. I couldn’t do it. I did drop in dentists in conversation to hint if he was getting them fixed. He wasn’t.

all I could think about was bad breath

Surely it depends because what if someone had a back tooth missing that you can't see unless you peer into their mouth- does that count?

I wouldn't mind one or two missing teeth, or some staining if there was a reason for it, or wonky teeth. Complete lack of dental care is different because I'd worry they're not someone capable of looking after themselves.

My dp has teeth like OP describes. However, his oral hygiene is good and his breath doesn't smell. We've been together for five years. It's not ideal but not the worst fault in a man.

Glowing white teeth that look like they belong in a mannequin puts me off.
So false and unnatural looking.

I like wonky and imperfect teeth.

Keep saving & go private route. They all have finance options & normally if a parent is a patient the kid is free. Research in your area.

That still doesn't help people who dont have spare money to save does it. I don't think you understand that people may have the choice of feeding their kids and topping up the electric meter or saving for the dentist

It's shallow in my opinion.
There's more important things about a guy than good teeth.
I mean, there are good guys out there with bad teeth, but if you'd rather have an asshole with good teeth instead then you do you.
Of course, assuming they're attracted to you in the first place.
Don't forget that dental treatment isn't cheap or easily available as it used to be which a lot of you are forgetting.
As to the poster who'd bring it up about a guys teeth on the second date, I'm embarrassed for you. You're not going to come out of that looking good but you're also assuming they'd want a second date with you anyway. They might not.

Nope , she doesn’t get it at all & she’s not going to either !
Everything is back or White to her .

You are not unreasonable for not wanting to date someone that you are not attracted to, whatever that reason may be. Noone should ever feel they 'should' date someone they are not attracted to.
But people on this thread who pass judgement and make cruel comments about people who have tooth loss, need to think about what they are saying.

Reasons why people might have poor teeth:

• Cancer treatments

• Serious mental illness, past or present

• Medications that cause dry mouth (eg epilepsy medications)

• Neurological conditions (eg Parkinson's Disease) that result in poor motor control making brushing difficult

• Seizures that result in broken teeth

• Sjorgens Syndrome

• Sensory sensitivities resulting from autism

• poor oral hygiene resulting from poor behaviour patterns learned as a child

• History of addictions

• Injuries sustained through domestic violence

To name but a few.

I'm sure there are people who will argue "ahh, but when I say bad teeth is a sign of being disgusting and smelly (genuine comments on this thread!!) , I don't mean people who lost their teeth to cancer treatment etc" . But you know what? You are making these judgements before you know the reasons for tooth loss.

And the ridiculous thing is - if someone on Mumsnet posted "my DD/DS is ND and struggles with self care" or "I am an alcoholic and I am ten years sober", or "I've have sjorgens Syndrome and my mouth is unbearably dry" or "I've just beaten throat cancer" , - you can bet your bottom dollar, people would be singing a very different tune to the comments on this page.

There also seems to be a general view that if someone has poor teeth, they can just "get them fixed". To clarify, it costs tens of thousands of pounds for extensive dental work. And you will often not be eligible for implants if you have eg, continuing seizures that damage teeth, sjorgens, or a condition that means you can not maintain good dental hygiene (eg some people with some neurological conditions or neurodivergence), etc etc. False teeth are an option - and one that I personally would choose, were I in that situation - but they can also be very uncomfortable, cause mouth ulcers , alterations to speech, sensory sensitivities etc, which can again be a particular problem for some people in the groups mentioned.

Imagine if you were diagnosed with throat or mouth cancer tomorrow, or developed Parkinson's, or had an abusive husband who broke your jaw, and found yourself in this situation . Or if your child was autistic and struggled with sensory issues and self care, and despite your best efforts, lost teeth? Would you look at yourself in the mirror, or would you look at your child, and see a stinky, smelly, disgusting, unemployable, undateable, unlovable, unworthy person? (Again, actual comments on this thread. Indefensible)

(Edited for typo)

Shallow? Oh no! Anyway, who said anything about rather dating an asshole with good teeth, as if there’s no such thing as a good man with good teeth? It isn’t a binary choice between bad teeth/good person and good teeth/bad person.

Sure, people may have bad teeth for reasons beyond their control. That doesn’t mean anyone is obliged to be attracted to them and/or offer a relationship.

Of course, one is "obliged" to feel attracted or to date anyone else. I don't think anyone is arguing that point. And it's it's not wrong to not be attracted to someone with missing teeth, in the same way that it's not wrong to not find tall men or short men or fat men or thin men or ginger men or blonde men attractive - attraction is a personal thing. But it is wrong to use deliberately disrespectful and cruel language that is clearly designed to make people feel badly about themselves ("physically repellant" was the term you used to describe people with tooth loss).

Typo in previous post. I meant, "of course, noone is obliged", not "one is obliged"

Bad teeth are a complete turn off for me - in regards looks and obvious lack of hygiene. But saying that, brilliant white teeth that are so unnatural looking are also a no-no for me. Just looks so false along with men who dye their hair after the age of 50. Bring on the shallowness!!!! x