Good teeth as dating non-negotiable

[ThatJollyGreySquid]

I went on a date on Sunday with a man I met through OLD. He was interesting, clever, polite, good company and attractive- but his teeth were awful; several missing and the remainder horribly stained. He isn’t on a low income, so could afford to have them sorted out. I would definitely have seen him again, and a friend thought I was daft to reject him based on something shallow like teeth.

AIBU to insist on decent teeth? Not veneers or really white, just normal clean teeth?

This. OP you're entitled to date who you want and who you don't want is up to you, but these threads always bring out people who don't know what they're talking about. My OH has missing teeth because of an accident when young, over the years various fixes have deteriorated or not gone well, so he now has dentures but hates them and can't have implants because of lack of jaw strength following the previous fixes that went wrong. That's even if he could afford it which he wouldn't. People who are saying all these things about people with bad teeth and equating it to poor hygiene are making assumptions about that and hopefully won't have others doing the same if anything happens to their teeth that can't be fixed

This. OP you're entitled to date who you want and who you don't want is up to you, but these threads always bring out people who don't know what they're talking about. My OH has missing teeth because of an accident when young, over the years various fixes have deteriorated or not gone well, so he now has dentures but hates them and can't have implants because of lack of jaw strength following the previous fixes that went wrong. That's even if he could afford it which he wouldn't. People who are saying all these things about people with bad teeth and equating it to poor hygiene are making assumptions about that and hopefully won't have others doing the same if anything happens to their teeth that can't be fixed

I won’t be changing my mind, as I can’t imagine kissing him because of the teeth. He did mention it himself, and said it’s due to decades of smoking (he’s now given up). I did wonder whether I was shallow, but I don’t care about height, clothes or hair (or lack of it). However, bad teeth to me implies poor general hygiene.

It shows a few possible things - clueless about personal hygiene, or has poor health generally and definitely shows there is a problem with him not realising when something looks unacceptable and unpresentable (since you state he could afford to get them fixed).

And regardless, you are perfectly within you rights to find someone unattractive for any reason at all.

JHound

Good you clarified😅

His personality was great-and I’d have been happy to form a friendship-but couldn’t be intimate and kiss someone with brown and missing teeth.

Why are (a few) posters going on about teeth that can't be fixed/are crooked or missing, and acting angry and hurt about people comments on here? No-one is on about this. It's people who CBA to look after their teeth, rotten teeth, manky teeth from someone with poor hygiene that people are on about. No-one has to apologise for not wanting to be with someone with bad oral hygiene (and probably other personal hygiene too.) And no, a 'good personality' won't make up for teeth that have been neglected, and have gone bad.

If it isn’t for you then it isn’t for you. No point trying to force something like this. If you need to ask other people’s opinions on something as individual and personal as attraction then it clearly isn’t there.
If his teeth were a bit wonky but otherwise clean and healthy you may not have liked them but you wouldn’t have necessarily been turned off enough to post for people’s advice. So you clearly ARE turned off enough so that’s all there is to it.

You can chose to date who ever you like for what ever reasons you like.

I have missing teeth, recently got a plate fitted. I have always brushed twice a day and visited the dentist. Sadly bad teeth run in my family. I would be put off by someone rotting teeth because I have really sensitive smell, smelly breath would be a no no. I would rather they had false teeth than manky rotting teeth. Sadly a lot of people these days have missing or stained teeth, especially those in my age range (45+).

Then your experience is incorrect. Actually, genetics play a significant role in dental health and predisposition to dental disease. Medical conditions, pregnancy, some medications and treatments (e.g steroids, chemo and drugs that cause a dry mouth) can also contribute to problems.
Some places throughout the country now have no access to NHS dentistry at all. Bearing in mind that private dentistry can be hundreds per treatment, it’s not difficult to see how some people land up with failing teeth.
There is lots that people can do to manage their dental health and prevent problems; some people do have awful teeth due to poor care. But it’s far from as simple to being due to lifestyle only.

Yes, I know a few people who have smoked for 3 decades or more, and their teeth are bad/brown/decaying, and they have gum disease, and rotten breath...

disclaimer, not everyone who smokes is like this, but some are, especially people who have smoked 30-35 years or more, and have always been quite heavy smokers.

For some reason my brain read the title as “Gold Teeth” and I was thinking ok… whatever floats your boat I guess 😂

@MollyMollyMandy33 how can someone's actual lived 'experience' be incorrect?! 😂

I used to think so until my partner and I got together and I decided kind, loving, supportive, good listener, hard working etc trumped bad teeth.

My teeth would give Shane MacGowan's pre-implant dentition a run for its money. Not quite as bad (no heroin history) but really pretty grim. Also due to chronic health problems and medication. I need surgery on my jaw, but can't have it because my teeth must be fixed first and I don't have that sort of money!

Anyone's entitled to bin off a date for any reason, and I do know how repelled many people are by ugly teeth. I'm just throwing my lot in with the dentally challenged. We can all grin sympathetically at each other 😁

But crooked teeth have nothing to do with bad hygiene

My brother has missing teeth where they were removed to give him treatment for head and neck cancer. Good job his wife didn't dump him for that eh?

i know it's unlikely, but everyone shrieking about 'bad hygiene'.. ftr, some gastric illness can cause staining, decay, and missing teeth.

People with Crohns and IBD can often have terrible teeth from illness related vomiting... and getting them fixed isn't cheap.

A relative of mine has just had to cough up a lot of money for dentures and implants to undo the damage a lifetime of illness caused her teeth.

Brown and missing teeth!!

Good god no!!

That IS NOT GENETIC…

Because it’s an ignorant view from limited experience or frame of reference. It’s also scientifically and medically incorrect.

My wonderful husband of 36 years has crooked teeth, his parents didnt have them sorted out when he was young. They’ve become progressively more crooked as he’s aged. Doesn’t bother me a jot because he’s a fantastic person.
Sorry but I think that’s a bit shallow.

Crooked teeth is not even comparable to missing ones!

You're projecting. @MrsB2025 never mentioned missing teeth or crooked teeth in the post you quoted. She was talking about people with bad oral hygiene causing foul smelling breath.... No-one is on about people having poor teeth through illness/no fault of their own.

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Good for you. Not everyone is you though, are they?

I’m afraid I’d find it difficult to find someone with really bad teeth attractive. I’d also find those overly white “turkey teeth” veneers off putting too.

Just normal teeth, including some degree of wonkiness etc is fine. Mine aren’t perfect, I have fillings, but proper rotten or missing or really excessively wonky, protruding or gappy teeth I would struggle with.

Actually bad teeth can be genetic.