I’m ill I don’t want sex it won’t help

[babasaclover]

Currently so poorly rundown and ill been off work sick.

husband constantly offering to give me a back rub or trying it on in general. I just want to wallow I certainly don’t want an orgasm which he thinks will help.

have had a cuddle etc but not having sex so today I’m getting the stroppy treatment. I can see why some people choose to live alone. What can I say kindly to make him see that sex is not on the cards but i still love him and I even told him I enjoyed the cuddle last night and all he could say was I bet you’re wet - how can he not read the room after decades together

Angling for sex while you're ill is ridiculous childish behaviour. Stropping when you don't give in is abusive. There is no way to tell him 'kindly' because he doesn't care about your feelings. The only solution is to get him as far away from you as possible.

He sounds absolutely hideous to be honest, that sort of behaviour would make me ill.

Just reading that gave me the ick. He sounds like a creep, sorry.
You shouldn’t need to be asking for advice on how to tell your husband ‘kindly’, you don’t want to have sex. A simple, I’m ill, I don’t want to have sex. Should suffice. And if he gets ‘stroppy’, he’s gross. 🤢

There's no way to tell him kindly as he is being so persistent. Be blunt and tell him to bugger off.

I actually told him I feel repulsive don’t know why he is like this

He sounds gross and a sex pest. You shouldn’t have to be harassed like this even if you weren’t poorly

Ewww that would give me the ick to the point I'd never want to have sex with him again.

He sounds like a sex pest or some sort of pervert.

Tell him that sex is literally the last thing you want when you're ill. And him getting all stroppy about it is not going to make you want sex with him when you're better. I mean ffs who thinks that someone who is feeling like shit is going to be in any kind of mood for sex. And the whole "you'll feel better for having an orgasm" is the worst kind of coercion I've heard. How the fuck your vagina hasn't clamped shut forever in protest at his grossness is baffling as fuck. I don't think you need to be kind, you need to tell him to stop being a dirty sex pest

Unless it’s new behaviour. I’d say because you allowed him to behave in that way for however long you’ve been together. Most women wouldn’t subscribe to that bullshit. It’s called boundaries. He clearly lacks them.

Tell him kindly??? Wtf
Tell him straight. Do not touch me.
And I’d seriously be considering my future with a sexual pest

He’s like this because he’s a dick. A self-absorbed and emotionally immature dick who seems not to have progressed beyond early adolescence. I wouldn’t find that attractive in the least, to be honest - he’d be gone.

I actually think it might have clamped shut. I really don’t think this behaviour is normal. I’m worried even to have the suggested cuddle as it always ends up trying to be something more

Op you need to tell him directly that you love him and find him attractive but that when you're sick and run down sex is not on the cards and when he continues to angle for it, it feels like he's putting you under pressure which is disrespectful and is having the opposite effect than what he's trying to do. You need to be really clear with him and his reaction to that should be to apologise and correct the behaviour. If he doesn't then you know this is intentional and he knows how it makes you feel but doesn't care.

Of course this is not normal. Your husband is pressuring you for sex when you don't want it, and not once by the sounds of it. This is repulsive and abhorrent behaviour. I have no idea why you'd stay with a man who cares about your feelings this little.

He’s a sex pest frankly and a creep! What kind of man wants sex with a woman who’s so unwell she just wants to cuddle and feel sorry for herself? A narcissist who thinks only about himself!!

So many threads recently where men treat their partners as sex dolls who should be up for shagging on demand and the women always seem to find it hard to tell them absolutely no fuck off and leave me alone.

These men are creepy sex pests and trying to coerce you into sex is actually borderline sexual assault

He knows you are ill and you don’t want sex. He’s not being kind to you so why do you need to tell him ‘kindly’?

He’s a repulsive, creepy sex pest who is showing a lack of care for you when you’re ill. I would end a relationship like that.

Omg how can you even look at him, I'm so disgusted for you. I'd be telling him to wise up and f off

He’s a disgusting excuse for a human being. I’m sorry but how can you possibly love a man who treats you so badly?

Poor you 🙁Tell him bluntly that you feel awful and to sod off.

I went through a period of being exhausted, sleeping a lot. Ex did the same, hassling me and whining how he wasn't getting enough sex, to the point we split over it.

My family, who love me, persuaded me to go to a doctor - even my 13yo knew something was wrong, and they were right. After a year's treatment for breast cancer and three years on, I'm back to my normal perky self.

I ran into ex in town, who said I looked great. I explained I'd been ill, but was now recovered. He took that to mean he could come back. Err, no ! Not a chance. He had made it clear he only cared about one thing and it wasn't me.

Yuck.

What have I just read? You do not need to be kind and gentle to someone who treats you like a sex object, who is there for his own enjoyment.

I laughed at the fact that he suggested an orgasm might make you feel better, but, once you'd told him you didn't want to, he should have left it there. The comment about you being wet and his subsequent stroppy attitude is pathetic.

Jesus, he's not a child who needs constant praise and reassurance. He's a grown man and a pathetic one at that. Tell him to fuck off.

When I'm ill the last thing I am interested in, is having sex.

When you pester me for sex, it's a huge turn-off.

When you pester me for sex when you know I am ill, it's bloody infuriating and deeply unattractive.

When you have a big sulk it comes across that you feel you are entitled to sex even if I am unwell and not interested - and that makes me drier than the bloody Sahara.

What does make me interested in sex is
A) feeling well
B) not being pestered, and
C) feeling like I can have physical affection in our marriage without you constantly trying to turn it into a shag. The more you push and moan about it, the less I want it.

Kindly? Kindly reassure him that you're too ill for sex and it's not because you don't love him and fancy him?

How about, "fuck off you selfish arsehole".

Why do you need to comfort him when you are ill and wouldn't mind a bit of care yourself.

Men give me the fucking rage sometimes.

Good grief. I've got a really high sex drive but the mere thought of someone being all over me when I'm feeling ill is utterly gross.

To be honest, that sort of wheedling, whining 'Please have sex with me, please, let me give you a back rub, let's have a cosy cuddle' approach to seduction would give me the ick even when I'm feeling perfectly well.

an orgasm which he thinks will help

"You're right, DH, an orgasm probably would help, so if you want to make me feel better, fuck off and leave me alone with my vibrator, because I'd still rather die right now than have sex with you."