I’m ill I don’t want sex it won’t help

[babasaclover]

Currently so poorly rundown and ill been off work sick.

husband constantly offering to give me a back rub or trying it on in general. I just want to wallow I certainly don’t want an orgasm which he thinks will help.

have had a cuddle etc but not having sex so today I’m getting the stroppy treatment. I can see why some people choose to live alone. What can I say kindly to make him see that sex is not on the cards but i still love him and I even told him I enjoyed the cuddle last night and all he could say was I bet you’re wet - how can he not read the room after decades together

He's a fucking nuisance and the lucky to find you still attractive comment ,he's lucky you haven't jettisoned him for a better quality of life.
Why would a man want sex with an ill woman?
You look after eachother when either are ill,cups of tea,paracetamol,cosy enough etc it's not difficult.

Op hope your better soon.👍

"he actually once said to me I should be grateful he still finds me so attractive after all these years"

I don't know, I can't understand why you're not jumping at the chance, he sounds like a REAL catch!
😝

Are you married to my husband?

Sounds a charmer.

It’s def not your fault @babasaclover . What he’s doing to you and how he’s making you feel is a form of abuse.

Your husband sounds utterly vile with his sleazy talk when you are ill.

If you've been together for decades he can hardly still be a randy young chap and even they know how to be considerate to a sick partner. A lack of self control is very unattractive.

How long have you been ill, babasclover, is it something from which you are likely to recover soon, eg a virus ? When you are better, reconsider this relationship. This could happen again and again, well into old age. It's never too late to strike out alone.

I’m so glad I don’t live with a man

This is absolutely grim. Why on earth would you tolerate that?

Allow women to express relief at now being alone. I haven't once read it as some sort of smug comment. If anything, it illustrates that more and more women are increasingly happy to be single, especially after a lifetime of conditioning, where nothing short of being in a couple, matters. It might even inspire other women to take the leap out of a miserable marriage.

People really need to know that it isn't a binary choice. People know.

Yes that was me, I felt like I could get on with my day after. It’s not even that I disliked sex, it was just the harassment of it and it being seen by him as a compliment to my ‘attractiveness’. It’s not nice sharing space with a moody grump knowing the reason for the mood is because you don’t want sex because you’re relaxing reading a book at 2.30 in the afternoon (or 11am or 4pm it really didn’t matter, he was up for it any time we were alone).

I could not be happier now, single, no sex, bed to myself, can lie on the sofa reading or watching tv and the only hassle I get is my dog wanting her walk.

Well I am bloody glad to be single now and have been, by choice, for years. No intention of ever going back to having to consider another person on a romantic level.

Why do people ‘really need to know” surely they can make their own minds up and are capable enough to know it’s not just one or the other? Not sure why you need to highlight this to MN posters?

This is hideous. I'd so much rather be single. Absolutely disgusting.

"I bet you’re wet"

Ive just dry heaved at that. I think a pp had the perfect response- "Fuck off".

He is being a selfish, unreasonable idiot.

I would say, fuck off you selfish sex pest. Im
ill.

something like that?

So thoroughly fed up beyond measure. Though am feeling not sick anymore. This cannot continue

No wonder,you're a person with feelings ,emotions ,what you aren't is a device to be used as and when.
You definitely deserve better as most pp have said .That's a lot of life experience shared they can't all be wrong.
Hope you find a solution that works for you.👍

OP, this is abuse.
Coercive sex is a crime.
Having sex you don't want, under pressure is rape.
This is not a good man.
I think you have been ground down by him.
The "boiled frog analogy" applies here.
Educate yourself.
He is not a good man preying on a vulnerable sick woman.

He's also committing a serious crime.
Please give it some serious thought.
This doesn't have to be your life.

@babasaclover is there somewhere else you can go that’s safe? You didn’t mention if you have kids but it sounds like it’s become unbearable. Unbearable plus this thread has probably been a lot to take in. Let us know how we can support you.

thank you all for the support at the time. Last few weeks been worse than ever. Getting my ducks in a row as they say.

Thank you so much. I am safe it is only this one (fairly large) issue. Well a demote small ones.

Thank you. I am not aware than ever the pressure and the outcome of if I don’t. I’m exhausted by it. Don’t understand it as I do want it sometimes and love it when that is the case so why can’t he see or listen when I don’t want it. Surely tv result is so different. Tried it Xmas day at 1am I was already asleep I did not give in but don’t like being rutted up against

Your husband sounds awful and he is lucky you still enjoy sex with him after all the pestering and badgering. Are you feeling recovered from your illness? It seems he pesters you relentlessly!

OP, if you talk to Women's aid and they advise you to report him for Coercion to the police, you might well be eligible for free legal aid.
Thing about it.
Free legal aid would be a great support for you.