To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids!
Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

Omg, you do you. Don’t then. Eveyone is different.

Because you have been going at this for days. Everyone is different. I’m just glad I married a man who is a good guy and who wanted to treat my son as his own. I am glad I’m not as bitter as you.

@Hellodarknessyouoldprick Likewise, I am glad I'm not reliant. But like you say, you do you.

And I get to mainly sit on my arse while my wonderful husband works 40 hours a week, adores me and my son and would give the world for us. We are very happy and have been for 15 years. Life doesn’t have to be so hard. You can rely on someone because they love you and want to do the best for you. I’m sorry that not everyone can know that it’s possible.

@Hellodarknessyouoldprick You genuinely sit on your arse whilst someone else provides for you and your son?!! You are either being sarcastic or in essence you are a freeloader.

I am married to a man who wants to provide for his family. We are very happy and have been for a long time. Our youngest is now at school so yes, I have a lot of down time. He works, I don’t. But he still does his share of house work and child care as he wants to.

Whats wrong with that? We have a good life and we are all happy

Well that's not something to be proud of

Tell you what, I will just continue to live my lovely, happy life with my fabulous dh and our wonderful children.

But what would you prefer me to do, out of interest? I’m going blind, quite rapidly now, so my work options would be rather limited. Two years ago, I almost lost my life. I am extremely lucky to still be alive. Dh and I enjoy the life we have
together, even more so now.

And even if that wasn’t the case, you don’t like my life choices. Big whoop! Sorry about that, stranger on the internet.

Life is very short and you never know what is around the corner. I can’t help anyone else’s feeling on how I chose to live my life or how my marriage works. We are happy. That’s all that matters.

ETA - once I’ve dropped the kids to school, had a quick once over of the house and stuck the washing in, of course I have free time. Unless I run around creating chaos to clean up, yes, I have time to sit and drink tea, mainly on my arse.

You are either family or you're not. If you're married that's family in my book but you may see things differently. I think that involves using family money for the kids. This is different to the kids seeing their mum's husband as 'dad' or stepdad. That relationship been is earned and not automatic but the mind set that you're not paying for kids not biologically yours woul be a big set back in the warned respect for me.

I have a genuine question.

You don't accept any financial help for your children from your husband. We have established that.

Would you or have you ever allowed him to 'babysit' or provide any other childcare such as when your working or if you were invited on a night out or any other circumstances?

So if you were unable to work for some reason and your husband was a high earner who provided well for you and your joint children your two would be like Cinderella?

@Owlmoonstar For my sons or for our daughter?

@TheignT Not sure I understand the question? My husband and I only have (and will only ever have) one shared bio child.

Your sons. Not his bio child.

@Owlmoonstar So as my ex-husband and I share care I of course try to arrange social events when boys are with their dad as I naturally want to spent time with them. They are much older so don't need childcare.

Ok change children for child. Can you understand now? You can't work for some reason, your husband provides for you and your joint CHILD and you have holidays, meals in nice restaurants, expensive clothes. All you have for your first two children is the maintenance from their father. You can't pay for them to go on holiday, you buy their clothes in charity shops, you go out for meals and they are left home with beans on toast. You'd think that was OK. Your husband would think that's ok?

How would your views on what women should and shouldn't accept from a spouse differ were you not - through fortune rather than merit on your part - in the situation where your children had another live, willing and competent bio parent?

Or let's throw our mind wide open and take away the maintenance from the bio parent. Let's make him dead.

@TheignT I don't receive maintenance from their father as we share care. If I was genuinely unwell enough not to be able to work then my husband would help as much as he could, but financially this wouldn't be lots. We don't have meals in fancy restaurants or expensive clothes as is.
But this would only be because I genuinely couldn't work, not because I was choosing not to or expecting him to provide when I could. That's the big difference.
Of course I would imagine some benefits would also help in case of illness/disability, but unsure which/how much as no idea re how that side of things works.

@Calliopespa If my ex-husband was dead my sons would be incredibly wealthy.
Edited to add: I have no idea re maintenance as I've never received a penny.

That's dodging the question and once more looking through your own slim lens. Some children have no bio parent paying maintenance, and no inheritance.

I think before declaring things to be "how it must be done" you need to glance round the room a little.

@Calliopespa We have seen that some posters on this thread are choosing not to work out of choice, however. That's the part I think is unacceptable when you have bio children to support, especially then expecting someone else to do so.

So do I take that as saying that in the circumstances I outlined you would accept?

Because your thread OP makes no allowance for that sort of situation. It simply peddles a prejudice against any women who might do so.

And it is hard, really, to see how your prejudice doesn't extend to working mothers generally, because surely if a step father is willing and able to provide for step children, there isn't really much difference. And what about a step father who has always liked the idea of being a provider (it's allowed as a mindset) and to have a family where the children have a full time mum but is unable to have his own bio children?

There are so many scenarios that could make reasonable inroads on your very rigid declaration.

@Calliopespa As a feminist of course I am not going to agree with the notion of a man as a sole provider - biological parent or otherwise.
Also, I would imagine fellow working mums would also describe themselves as full-time mums, just ones who also provide financially for their children.

As an entry-level feminist you mean.