To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids!
Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

Oh I've put my point across. And plenty of people agree with me judging by their reactions to my comments. You just clearly feel rattled by people calling out this weird behaviour your displaying.

I do really see the divide. If you all live together, surely a lot of the financial support is absorbed in shared costs anyway?
My stepson was with us 50%, sometimes more .. he moved in full time with us at 18 and moved out 4 years later. We both supported him until he got a job, even then all the food etc he ate was paid for by both of us. My husbands always paid maintenance until he 18, but everything we paid out was split. We have 3 boys together and my stepson.
If I bought new clothes for the kids I bought them all something. Xmas and birthdays they all got the same. We always split the costs.

I don’t know how you’d divide it, you’re all one unit surely?

@Owlmoonstar I must be missing something as I can't see one post of yours where you've made a constructive comment.

Constructive as hopefully it will help you see how ridiculous you sound.

@Owlmoonstar Ah no - I wasn't missing anything.

@Mrsnothingthanksi would have voted ‘you are being unreasonable’ but i am with @Owlmoonstar

One of the reasons I fell in love with my ex husband and continue to think a lot of him is the fact MY children have never been treated any differently than OUR children.

It is Individual choice though.

People don’t need to give you personal experiences to tell you they disagree with your rigid viewpoint.

they just can. And the vote you hold so dear it only slightly in your favour and I think that is because legally yes I don’t think they do.

you don’t have to have lived experience to have any opinion

and you do come across as very rigid

@Tiswa Interesting to see that over half do agree with me, however. The word "legally" wasn't in my AIBU as most of us know the answer to that.

Yes and just under half don’t

which is what you would expect really on such a topic

what did you want from this. Your set up is what you want and that is great but it isn’t one that works for everyone and as I said there are plenty of people for whom a step parent has stepped in and really been there for them more than a parent.

I hope it also works for your sons and that the way you have handled it doesn’t cause issues with their half siblings or any strife

You aren’t right. You are just making choices which are right for you. Because there is no right

I think this is true op.

I am glad you have sorted out a lifestyle that works for you but, given that you have, I still don't really understand why you would be driven to declare a blanket "rule" for blended families that you feel so certain is "the only way", and then make people vote on it.

It's not as if - on your posts - you are seeking guidance in good faith, but rather just wanting to assert you have it right and you want to have everyone say so.

My issue with this is that, while sometimes a blended family can work, it isn't easy because there are more than the normal family tensions, complications and conflicts of interest and far too many children end up in vulnerable circumstances as a result.

The thrust of your stance is to want to "enshrine" a pattern of behaviour that is fundamentally aimed at curtailing support - in this case financial - for the children involved. Of course sometimes that may work out fine, but it won't always.

I completely understand why posters might come with an open mind for advice if in a conflicted position, but you, on the contrary, have essentially said "Look everyone, I know exactly what I am doing, I will hear nothing else and just watch everyone say I am right. Yippee!!" These are often delicate situations and I don't know why you would bother wanting to assert such a blanket and unnuanced stance when you can't possibly have factored in the huge variety of nuances that exist in people's family circumstances.

@Calliopespa Everybody is entitled to their opinion, but I still hold my own point of view. I am pretty confident I didn't "make" anybody vote - every voter was entitled to disagree with me should they have so wished.
But we will just have to agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Yes and you are entitled to it and to live your life by it

the issue is you cannot seem to see why others wouldn’t do it that way or why people would.

no one does it the same and that is what makes life so great

also considering you see a 70/30 holiday solit a lions share I can see why 57% thrills you so much

@Tiswa Are you a statistician? I genuinely had no idea there was a dedicated percentage that defined the phrase "the lion's share."

I mean we could discuss the etymology of the concept of lions share if you like and whether you currently do have a lions share of the votes because you do.

There isn’t a fixed percentage and you know it. So it really comes down to the words around it and why you used the phrase lions share.

what is interesting is you chose lion share rather than 70/30 that is what needs discussing. because you knew what the split was you chose those words that is what is interesting

so in answer to your question I work with words not numbers

@Tiswa Ah that's wonderful! Because then you will then know that the phrase "the lion's share" means "the largest portion or biggest part of something." Which 70/30 is 😀
Edited to add - as you work with words - lion's needs an apostrophe as the share belongs to the lion.

My partners kids are adults and as such I don't have financial responsibility but I do help out with the cost of his Xmas presents to them as I have 4 to buy for and he has 7.

Yeah trust me when you spend the whole day doing shit like that I really can’t be arsed on here half the time! I have the flu I really don’t need everything to be perfect and correct.

You really don’t get my point do you at all but that is ok you don’t seem to get anyone’s point do you.

You think you are right. You think your way is the only right way. It isn’t.

But that is also it isn’t it you need the ‘. You notice it missing and you want to point it out. You need all of the punctuation - you need everything to be divided up so it is exactly 70/30. It all has to be like that

I think this comment pretty much sums up how petty you are. Honestly. Just give up now it's embarrassing.

@Owlmoonstar Yet another constructive comment 😀

With all due respect, there was nothing remotely constructive about this entire thread you have created. So I'm not sure why you're so fixated on constructive feedback. Absolutely bizarre.

a couple needs to discuss this before they marry. It depends on many factors including age of kids, income of their parents and of their step parent.
said that, my husband set dad paid for his uni (in the us), he offered and my husband would not have had a chance without his help. Did he have to? No. Did this change my husband life? Yes. The guy was just a very decent person lucky to be able to do it without having to make many renounces (but he probably could have gone into pension a few years earlier!) and he decided to do it. Some people are just good people who instead of doing charity, go to Kilimangiaro etc decide to help financially their step kids

Still can't help wondering if this is really a kind of reverse and the dc are her DH's.

It would explain the intensity about establishing the lack of any moral obligation.

@Calliopespa There is no moral obligation; my sons have two parents who both support their children financially (as should be the case). They are not in need of a third.

@Hellodarknessyouoldprick Or perhaps I don't want him to as I accept financial responsibility for my own children? I don't need to rely on anyone else for something a biological parent should be doing themselves.
Also, why do you feel the need to use offensive language? It's really not big or clever.