To think stepparents should not be financially responsible for other people's children?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

That's just it really. I'm married. My husband is only financially responsible for our daughter, not my other children. Why should he be? Not his kids!
Surprises me on MN that others think stepparents should assume financial responsibility for kids that aren't theirs!

Absolutely bizarre isn't it?

@Calliopespa OK. We are both happy I don't expect him to pay btw. I'm interested to see how the final vote goes.

Yes, you seem very happy.

Indeed.
And of course the vote is based on the facts as given.

What you have really done is to come on and attempt to snip and scissor away at the notion of entitlements of children in blended families, children who in many circumstances are very vulnerable anyway.

I realise yours might not be vulnerable, but given that, and given many are, I'm not sure why you would want to do that - or seem so pleased with yourself for having done so?

@Calliopespa Let's see what the vote says.

I'm not remotely interested in the vote.

Thankfully my stepdad had a different view and has not been sparing with his love, time or finances.
We love and appreciate him and so do our children.

You seem to get very agitated when someone disagrees with you.
I mean this kindly but do you think you may have issues with control?
I feel you need to be in complete control of everything? Maybe being left vulnerable in the past has made you like this by not wanting to be exposed to that vulnerability again.
As long as you and your husband are happy then that’s all you need to worry about but only if he is really happy and not just letting you take the reins in life for fear of speaking up or doing something you disagree with, he should feel comfortable spending what and on who he likes.
Deep down I’m sure your husband loves you and your child and would love to support you more.
My husband loves all our children and treats them all the same even though one isn’t his and that way nobody feels more or less than anyone else and he doesn’t count who has what because we are a family.

As a complete coincidence I just watched a quite emotional interview with Oliver Hudson (appeared on Facebook) about Kurt Russell and how much of a father figure he has been

That’s the most important thing of course. But how would you feel if your partner wanted to take you and your Dc for holidays and left your other DCs out? So then your DCs you have with your ex see you going on holiday without them just with your child you live full time with.

If we analysed posts for and against the OP’s statement, by the posters’ level of disposable and secure income, would we find a pattern?

But both those costs are for the same thing so why the difference in attitude?

If it was just based on finances then if I didn’t have to pay for myself then perhaps I would be able to afford to pay for my kids, but in our specific scenario I know he wouldn’t do that.

Edited to add - this is purely based on money obviously he doesn’t exclude my DC from family life and he is an excellent role model for them.

I agree with you. We have shared finances aside from an equal amount of fun money. Step children aren’t a fun, non essential hobby, and I would expect joint household income to contribute to their core living needs. I would expect step children to be part of our family unit and I think maintaining separate finances for their essential needs undermines this.

I would include contributions to clothing, birthday presents and at least some extra curricular within essential needs.

Because maintenance is money going to another household. The money I bring in would be for our household and I would be very protective of that.

If I had a partner and he had a child who lived with us, I wouldn’t think twice. The child would be with us and therefore my income would be for them as well.

I just think it’s very cheeky from the rp, expecting a non resident stepparent to send you money.

Incredibly complex issue, every family will be different.

from my perspective I pay for everything split with my partner, no one gets treated any differently - all one fam under this roof.

I agree. This entire thread is just a bit odd.

@Owlmoonstar You make the effort to post things like it's "odd" and it's giving you the "ick", but interestingly you offer no useful opinion or comment as to your own personal experience. A little pointless?

Lots of people rave about their stepdads. Very few about their stepmums.

Lets be honest, stepdads are more likely to live in households with children who are there most of the time, getting supported by benefits and maintenance, whilst being expected to provide far less nurturing care, housework and childcare.

Being a stepdad is a far easier gig than being a stepmum.

Do you also pay half of any maintenance sent to your partner’s ex though?

There’s none either way.

Well then it’s a different scenario isn’t it?

I’m happy to pay for things SC need in our household but it’ll be a cold day in Hell when I pay my partner’s borderline negligent ex to parent her own kids in her own household.

Totally agree. My ex’s ex isn’t even neglectful, she’s a good mum. But I still wouldn’t have paid towards maintenance.
Now as a single mum myself I would never expect another woman to hand money to me for my own kids.

Yes, it is, which is why my very first line says - Incredibly complex issue, every family will be different.