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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

661 replies

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:10

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

OP posts:
ThisLittlePony · 03/12/2025 03:55

DeepRubySwan · 03/12/2025 02:52

I think what I was trying to get across is, yes it's gross, but they are family. If it were friends doing this sure, block them. But this is your husband's mother and sister and it's going to cause untold problems between you both which could be avoided if you were just more tolerant. His comment about the mortgage sucks but so does your threat to uninvite them to Christmas.

So shut up and put up op?
dh and his family are above you in importance and what they want and do matters… you don’t?

MeTooOverHere · 03/12/2025 04:01

Calliopespa · 03/12/2025 00:34

Are you saying you think they were trying to taint/pollute the new house with fart?

Show quote history

Well what does it sound like to you? If you ‘know ... eating that makes it flare up’ and you choose to eat that food.
Then don't apologise. Nor remove yourself to the bathroom.

Zanzara · 03/12/2025 04:23

Catwalking · 01/12/2025 18:50

absolutely not!
How do some prat’s manage to set fire to their farts if it’s ‘only wind’?

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Well there's your afternoon entertainment sorted, OP!

They sound revolting.

thepariscrimefiles · 03/12/2025 04:23

Growlybear83 · 02/12/2025 20:59

I think you’re being absolutely ridiculous and very very unreasonable. They farted for goodness sake - they didn’t insult you, damage anything, crap on the sofa or cause a mess! Everyone farts and thankfully most people aren’t quite as uptight as you about a perfectly normal bodily function. It’s only on Mumsnet when people are told they should leave the room or go to the lavatory if they want to break wind - in real life most people don’t have time to choose to leave the room to fart. Many people fart quite robustly after turkey and sprouts, so just buy some nice Christmassy room spray and don’t to such a misery.

If that is the case, why isn't everyone just farting at will all the time? Would you do this in a meeting at work? What about serving staff in restaurants? Would you be OK with them just farting away while serving your food? Most people can and will hold a fart back if they are in the company of other people.

Performative farting, where some people lift a leg or announce it's coming, are the absolute worst. It's a normal bodily function that most normal, polite people manage to hold back outside their own homes and in the company of other people.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 03/12/2025 04:41

notallwhowanderare · 02/12/2025 23:53

Yep, you have, repeatedly. HTH.

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Sure hun.

banananas1999 · 03/12/2025 05:02

Octavia64 · 01/12/2025 18:13

Did you feed them stuff they are intolerant to?

I’m like that if I eat any dairy products. Easy solution is that people don’t feed me dairy.

Doubt they wee spooon fed, they must knownwhat their triggers are

banananas1999 · 03/12/2025 05:06

With celiac,ibs etc trigger foods are very easy to identify and if they have intolerances they must know about them, your husband is a melt, scared to ask his parents to behave and go to the bathroom if they cant control their spincher

kersh33 · 03/12/2025 05:09

I think on the whole the tone is quite unsympathetic. I have close friends with IBS and my husband reacts badly to certain foods ( onion, garlic, mushrooms). This can be quite a debilitating medical issue and it’s not always as easy as saying they should excuse themselves. In my friends’ cases it would mean they could spend the majority of the day getting up and down.

As a host, I do try and avoid trigger foods and make sure I have alternatives and flag any non- obvious ingredients I.e I used garlic with vegetables or onion in the gravy.

I love my friends (and DH obviously) and wouldn’t dream of making them unwelcome in my home for something they can’t control and are self conscious about enough already.

kersh33 · 03/12/2025 05:12

And I would also add for PP saying that everyone can control their farts, I hope you never have IBS or a gut issue. It can be miserable, uncomfortable as well pretty embarrassing.

Kateluvscats1 · 03/12/2025 05:24

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 01/12/2025 18:19

Nah, sorry but thats rank 🤑

Agree, and it's not up to the host to ask them what they can eat, it's up to the guests to avoid the foods which give them stomach issues.

Mothership4two · 03/12/2025 06:33

They weren't embarrassed though @kersh33 and they manage to not do it in public, I think if they had been and apologised then OP wouldn't have been so upset. OP has said their 'vibe' was more providing entertainment than embarrassment.

Shoxfordian · 03/12/2025 07:14

If he won't cook then I would be tempted to nod along, buy nothing and let him sort it out. Book yourself lunch out. They're disgusting

MissDoubleU · 03/12/2025 07:39

Christmasdayissue · 02/12/2025 18:45

I’ve tried re. him cooking believe me, he just laughs it off as some absurd suggestion. He grew up with a father who wouldn’t lift a finger in the kitchen either so that’s who I blame.

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Does he have any redeemable qualities at all?

Bayroot1 · 03/12/2025 07:57

AncoraAmarena · 02/12/2025 19:04

What a prince of a man. I would be gifting myself the joy of being single this Christmas.

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Me too.

Or at the very least suddenly having flu Christmas morning and unable to get up.

BringBackCatsEyes · 03/12/2025 08:11

Grammarnut · 03/12/2025 00:41

But once in menopause most women do.

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Maybe, but I'm pretty sure they're not sitting around openly farting for an hour as a guest in someone else's home.
There is a big different.

muggart · 03/12/2025 09:14

kersh33 · 03/12/2025 05:09

I think on the whole the tone is quite unsympathetic. I have close friends with IBS and my husband reacts badly to certain foods ( onion, garlic, mushrooms). This can be quite a debilitating medical issue and it’s not always as easy as saying they should excuse themselves. In my friends’ cases it would mean they could spend the majority of the day getting up and down.

As a host, I do try and avoid trigger foods and make sure I have alternatives and flag any non- obvious ingredients I.e I used garlic with vegetables or onion in the gravy.

I love my friends (and DH obviously) and wouldn’t dream of making them unwelcome in my home for something they can’t control and are self conscious about enough already.

it’s been eye opening to me how many people think it’s fine to include ingredients that make their guests ill when hosting. why bother hosting at all if you are just making food that you want without considering the needs of others.

do they expect their guests to sit at the side nibbling on a lettuce while everyone else tucks into the vegetables laced in lactose, or the meat drenched in gluten-gravy. Before reading this thread I would have assumed most people would consider that exclusionary and rude.

BringBackCatsEyes · 03/12/2025 09:21

muggart · 03/12/2025 09:14

it’s been eye opening to me how many people think it’s fine to include ingredients that make their guests ill when hosting. why bother hosting at all if you are just making food that you want without considering the needs of others.

do they expect their guests to sit at the side nibbling on a lettuce while everyone else tucks into the vegetables laced in lactose, or the meat drenched in gluten-gravy. Before reading this thread I would have assumed most people would consider that exclusionary and rude.

Show quote history

OP informed her guests she would be cooking a roast. I think it was then up to the guests to politely inform the host of their dietary needs. You don't just accept the meal knowing it will trigger whatever condition and then blame the host, or (what her guests did) laugh it off and proceed to fart for an hour.

muggart · 03/12/2025 09:30

@BringBackCatsEyeswell yes if the OP didn’t know about the intolerances then it’s not her fault. But it seems like she did because they told her “well you know eating that makes it flare up.”

They won’t be intolerant to “a sunday roast” anyway, it will be individual ingredients which the OP chose to add to the food unnecessarily. Why not just make the roast but exclude their triggers? That’s the point i was making about eg adding butter if they’re lactose intolerant, or adding wheat flour to the gravy if they’re gluten intolerant. Just substitute them for something else, rather than expecting your guests to sit there unable to eat half the meal.

Growlybear83 · 03/12/2025 09:34

thepariscrimefiles · 03/12/2025 04:23

If that is the case, why isn't everyone just farting at will all the time? Would you do this in a meeting at work? What about serving staff in restaurants? Would you be OK with them just farting away while serving your food? Most people can and will hold a fart back if they are in the company of other people.

Performative farting, where some people lift a leg or announce it's coming, are the absolute worst. It's a normal bodily function that most normal, polite people manage to hold back outside their own homes and in the company of other people.

Show quote history

In answer to your questions

  1. I’m not suggesting that people should, or are, farting ‘at will’, but that if you need to fart, most normal people don’t have the option to get up from their seat, leave the room, and go to the nearest lavatory.

2.Yes of course I would fart if I needed to in a meeting. I would try to let it out quietly to avoid disrupting things but I would not be able to sit in a meeting for two hours while holding a fart in. I often hear people break wind in meetings, or smell the evidence. In my job, I would not be able to leave the room during a meeting - I have never done so in 25 years in my role and am not going to start now if I need to expel a little bit of wind.
3.I would completely understand if a waiter or waitress emitted a fart while they were serving me.

Calliopespa · 03/12/2025 09:48

Growlybear83 · 03/12/2025 09:34

In answer to your questions

  1. I’m not suggesting that people should, or are, farting ‘at will’, but that if you need to fart, most normal people don’t have the option to get up from their seat, leave the room, and go to the nearest lavatory.

2.Yes of course I would fart if I needed to in a meeting. I would try to let it out quietly to avoid disrupting things but I would not be able to sit in a meeting for two hours while holding a fart in. I often hear people break wind in meetings, or smell the evidence. In my job, I would not be able to leave the room during a meeting - I have never done so in 25 years in my role and am not going to start now if I need to expel a little bit of wind.
3.I would completely understand if a waiter or waitress emitted a fart while they were serving me.

Show quote history

I agree with this.

Of course the "pull my finger" type gag is disgusting, but wind is something that is a ubiquitous reality of life and just has to be coped with - both by farter and fartee.

I wouldn't eat things on purpose that make me fart, and even within our immediate family we mostly (mostly) all try not to fart audibly. However I certainly wouldn't run out of a meeting every time I needed to, unless I actually "got wind" of the impression that I was about to follow through or something.

But none of us have particular gastro-intestinal issues that are putting this system under pressure. I guess people who do might develop a more relaxed attitude and after all you are family - even if there may be other tensions there.

And that last comment is, I suspect, the issue here op. I thought at first this was a rather slight thread about a trivial issue, but in fact your DH's attitudes are really, really off. My gut (sorry: my brain has the gastro "file" out) is that there are deeper issues that are making you feel the fart scenario is more insulting to you than it would were things on a better footing.

helpme402 · 03/12/2025 09:55

OP have either of you though about having a conversation requesting them not to fart like??

I understand they can't help it but i would also find it disgusting. Not a reason to uninvite imo. I'd (your DP) have a conversation or get him to send a text requesting them to not openly fart as it's off putting and bad example for the kids.

Daygloboo · 03/12/2025 09:57

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:10

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

Why dont you have dinner in the garden🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

platinumanddiamonds · 03/12/2025 10:25

I would give them wind relief tablets and peppermints as a Xmas gift. If they find farting funny they should laugh at this

CheeseIsMyIdol · 03/12/2025 10:52

platinumanddiamonds · 03/12/2025 10:25

I would give them wind relief tablets and peppermints as a Xmas gift. If they find farting funny they should laugh at this

And those charcoal-lined anti-flatulence underwear.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 03/12/2025 10:57

muggart · 03/12/2025 09:30

@BringBackCatsEyeswell yes if the OP didn’t know about the intolerances then it’s not her fault. But it seems like she did because they told her “well you know eating that makes it flare up.”

They won’t be intolerant to “a sunday roast” anyway, it will be individual ingredients which the OP chose to add to the food unnecessarily. Why not just make the roast but exclude their triggers? That’s the point i was making about eg adding butter if they’re lactose intolerant, or adding wheat flour to the gravy if they’re gluten intolerant. Just substitute them for something else, rather than expecting your guests to sit there unable to eat half the meal.

Presumably they are there for the socializing, not to gobble up as much food as possible. The OP isn’t required to alter the entire menu; they can restrict themselves to small portions.

There is no indication these women have medical issues; they are having normal digestive responses to a large meal but choosing to be performative about it rather than being discreet.