DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

[Christmasdayissue]

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

I’m sorry but this made me smile! It reminded me of my late aunt, she had terrible stomach issues and was always farting. We grew up with it so we’re used to it and it was always funny when we were kids.

Absolutely op rather than —grim mannerless adults taking personal responsibility, absolutely pander to them.🤨I mean they and their twat of a son/brother are so considerate to you!

Why? If it’s such a non issue for so many here, why’s it so funny?

Because we were young kids and farting was absolutely hilarious to us then? 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s completely standard to ask what dietary restrictions your guests have before cooking for them especially in this case when she knows they have stomach issues. That’s not pandering that’s normal hosting behaviour.

They are both self diagnosed. In DMIL’s words ‘anything sets me off these days’

Oh, please. They were specifically asked if a Sunday roast dinner was "OK" when the husband invited them.

Furthermore, nothing compelled them to eat things that disagree with them, or eat them in the quantities OP suggests were consumed. They weren't on a deserted island where they needed to stuff in every possible calorie.

And regardless of the menu, there is ZERO excuse for the disgusting, proud, laughing display of / competition with their flatulence, in the living area, with the children watching. If their stomachs were upset they should have gone home, or at leeat stepped outside to emit their noxious fumes.

It's not a "health issue." FFS.

Gorging on Sunday roast and being flatulent afterward is not a medical issue. And even if it were, the outcome quite frankly is not something I would "tolerate" in my home if the offenders weren't making any effort to mitigate it. Either by eating more carefully/eating less, or by stepping away when they feel a "session" coming on.

Instead these nasty people made a show of it, egging one another on, competing and preening themselves about their emissions, in front of the children.

Low-class and inconsiderate to say the least, and none of that is even remotedly related to "health issues" the OP should be concerned with.

I think this is where I’d be. Lay the ground tiles and nip it in the bud. It’s gross and I wouldn’t want sit trying to enjoy Christmas afternoon surrounded by the smell of someone’s ‘boastful’ guffing

Completely agree with @CheeseIsMyIdol. This bizarre desperation from posters to paint op as the villain of the piece whether
-not finding purposeful excessive farting hilarious
-making food and the family choosing what to eat and the quantities of it
-op not kowtowing to her dh as it’s -his faaamily and Christmas so all that matters is what they want or she’s a terrible person??

You want to stop husbands family coming at Xmas and you think he should be ok with it? He should divorce you

Oh for goodness sake, I'm sorry, but you're being a fool. You need to stand your ground. This is what really pisses me off, wives who give up so easy 'for a quiet life'. The price is just too great. Get some self respect, get hold of your ovaries (female equivalent of balls) and make a stand. Your husband basically said he pays more for the mortgage so as a male he has more rights. Did that not get your back up and make you want to spit fire? Do you honestly believe that you can go NC with them after Christmas? Are you really being serious with yourself? Your husband is a vile financially abusive pig. And you really need to nip this in the bud @Christmasdayissue . Right now. I think you're delusional if you think you 'do this Christmas then go NC'. No. It's not going to be that easy. Lance the boil - right now. I knew you'd give in, because 95% of women on this site do give in to their husband's threats and manipulations. But this is really sad. It does not have to be this way. They do not have to be at your house on Christmas day. And I bet you'll cook Christmas dinner, right? I'm cringing for you, I'd say fine, they can come but I NOT cooking dinner, you 'dear' husband will cook dinner and don't think I will give in because your parents will not be eating if you don't cook. Please, ffs, pick up your ovaries and your big girl pants. This is 2025 not the 1940s. Think of what example you are showing to your children.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is 2025. The amount of weak women that cave so easy to their financially abusive and otherwise abusive husbands leaves me astounded. My husband would be sleeping in the fucking gutter right now if he even dared say 'I pay more in the mortgage so that enables me to get my way'. Wtf is wrong with women and wives, and where did feminism go? The urge to bitchslap the shit out of any man who would dare say such a thing would be so strong. I wouldn't stand for that shit. Not even women of the '80s or '90s would. Women have regressed so far, they really have. It's like they have no dignity or self respect. Any man who made that mortgage comment to me? Would be sleeping in the gutter forthwith and would have a letter from my solicitor filing for divorce the following Monday. And I am not kidding!

So what if they are self diagnosed? That doesn’t mean they aren’t real. You clearly have no regard for their digestive issues. I wonder if they were fed up of you including food that they’re intolerant to when you cook so have done it deliberately to get back at you.

It is totally disgusting, I agree with you on that. And you deserve better from your DH. But if you add wheat flour to gravy when they don’t tolerate gluten, or add butter to the vegetables when theyre lactose intolerant (just examples), then this is also not ok. I do kinda think they may have been Revenge Farting.

Hi DSIL

😂

Yep, you horror @Christmasdayissue forcing these fragrant delicate beings to your home, insisting they stay! Making them eat your food! Oh the humanity!!

Agree @ThatBlackCat but then look at all the Aunt Margaret’s on here scolding op for not doing what husband and his family want and all the names she’s been called! bloody batshit!

Not really, when you’re a guest in someone’s home, albeit family, you have to take responsibility for your diet and the consequences if you don’t.
OP, do they let rip if they’re having a pub lunch or in a restaurant or cafe?
DH might think it’s okay but you don’t, and what example is that to your kids, how would you feel if the kids behaved like in public?

So let’s say there’s a host and they make mac n cheese for the main course, with a side salad, knowing that their guest can’t eat cheese. When the guest arrives the host just says “yeh well that’s your responsibility, youll just have to have the salad wont you. Not my fault you’re lactose intolerant!”

Do you genuinely think that isn’t really insensitive, exclusionary and dismissive behaviour?

I’m sure your shit does stink but tell him the difference is you don’t inflict the stench of the contents of your bowels in polite (or in their case, any) company!

Yuck that is gross and really bad manners. However I think uninviting them is quite extreme. Could you say to your DH that you find it gross and you genuinely find it upsetting. I think it's fair enough. It's not like they're committing a crime but it's just a different set of behavioural standards/manners. Like you, I would be grossed out if house guests did that. Fine in their own home but it's your home as well as their son's. I think it would be fair enough for your DH to ask them if they'd mind going easy on the farts or popping out of the room to let rip.

It's only farting! I wish that was the only issue with my in-laws!

Would they fart at the pub too?

You are being somewhat unreasonable, although that most definitely doesn't excuse tgeir stupid rude behaviour.

As adults they should be aware that whether they have "control" of their "gastric actions" irrespective or not, they should still at least try to behave in a polite and civilised manner and excuse themselves when it happens and not simply ignore it as if it's their god given right to do so.

Have you not encountered this problem before now when they visited you in your flat?