DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

[Christmasdayissue]

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

scented candles?
keep striking matches

My parents used to have farting competitions when we were growing up. It was very funny and liberating and we would join in too. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

We never did it in other people's houses and did control ourselves if we had visitors so there was some decorum. Some standards were upheld. 🤣🤣

One of the female surgeons I work with farts without any flinching of apology! It blows my mind that she doesn’t even find it funny.

I'd stand firm back, saying if they come you are not cooking anything, he is doing it all himself. And, you and the kids will go elsewhere for Christmas. So tell him he won't be spending Christmas with his own wife and children. And, there will be no sex and he can sleep on the sofa (or spare room). Fight back fire with fire!

It’s her home. At Christmas. She’s entitled to not have it treated like a barnyard. Guests should exhibit consideration, respect and decorum.

It's her husband's home too though isn't it? Not just hers. This is family, not 'guests', it's his mother and sister. Imagine the fallout for him if he has to tell them they are banned from Christmas for this reason. And we only have her side of it.

Family ARE guests. They should show respect for those who are hosting them.

Not everyone has the “we can be uncouth because it’s just family” mentality.

If husband wants to assert his rights to determine the guest list, he can also take over the work. In OP’s shoes I’d make a festive, fancy Christmas Eve for the kids, then laze around Christmas Day and let him crack on.

And hope he remembered to do the food shop because I sure as hell wouldn’t do it for him. Let him cater for his guests while I take the kids to the cinema.

What are their medical issues? Have they sought help from their GP? I can understand and sympathise with medical conditions that cause flatulence, but the performative nature of them revelling in farting loudly and often in someone else's house would piss me right off.

Do they try and make adjustments to their diet to cut out foods that will have this effect or do they just eat whatever they want as they don't care about farting in public?

Farting is a normal function, but it's also rude to sit and fart all day in company.

I bet they wouldn't be blowing off with wild abandon in the pub

That sounds like financial abuse to me. He thinks that he can always get his own way because he pays more towards your mortgage?

He can invite his mum and sister but he can't make you cook the dinner. Arrange to go to your family with the children and leave your DH with his mum and sister.

What’s the bet he’d rather tell them not to come (citing a creative reason that is entirely your fault) than tell them that Christmas is conditional - and they must promise to fart outside.

I’m North and my experience is that farting is considered very normal and quite entertaining (or maybe that last bit is just me 😅)

So he can take charge of the place, then, by doing all the looking after, cooking, cleaning from now on if he pays more. What an appalling thing for him to raise! I can only think that he’s horribly embarrassed about their behaviour and is deflecting. Stand firm, OP, Brewers Fayre will be fine and saves you a shit ton of work/money/effort/time.

Must be a personality trait because I’m South and this whole thread made me laugh. It has to be the best reason I’ve ever seen to un invite someone to lunch, I’d love to see the ‘garters’ response when they are told. Maybe it will be in a WhatsApp and they’ll send a voice note back farting!

OP O think they are disgusting to not try to go outside and for not apologising. What sort of animals are they? I think arrange an after dinner fart walk organised by your DH- I’d gladly stay behind and clean up!

He only gets final say if he’s doing all the food shopping and planning and also cooks all the food. Meet up with them at a restaurant on Boxing Day and stay home with the children on Christmas Day.

Well since his the big bucks earner here clearly he can go and buy and pay for the Christmas food shop and then bloody well cook it while you laze around with the children all Christmas Day.

Daddy better also be pulling his weight with all child related things day to day for the I pay more Billy big bollocks routine. Can see he grew up in a cave farting for warmth and his hunter gather me man shite.

People in other countries have no issues with breaking wind, no one bats an eye..... Because everyone does it!!
They fart and no one says a thing....

If someone has IBS or other related issues then it should be met with compassion surely???

Same!

Yes, this has cast the thread in a new light.

The family situation is not happy so it's harder for op to take the farting as friendly fire.

Another OP that married into a low class family with a bullying abusive husband.
Stop having children with him and start thinking about the life you want.

His language is coarse and disgusting, just like his family.
His morgage remark is controlling, manipulative and coercive.
He's scum, just like his family.
At least you know.

Paying the mortgage doesn’t entitle him to force you into inhaling his mothers actual fecal matter

Accept him taking them to the pub . They are disgusting.

I agree with him. Sorry!