DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

[Christmasdayissue]

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

This made me laugh my.head off. I think its funny. I think you need to lighten up. They can come round mine on Xmas day instead and we'll gave a farting competition.🤣🤣🤣🤣

Wow.

in what other ways does he demonstrate this unacceptable and disrespectful attitude?

Do you have family you could take the kids to?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ugh.

It could be that… I understand what you’re getting at, but they think that a ‘Brewer’s Fayre’ pub is a fine place to eat so I suspect the other end of the social spectrum is at play here. 🙄😂

Well then he can cook the dinner can't he? Big man paying most of the mortgage and all that. I wouldn't lift a finger for him. Let him sort the lot out.
Sourcing the food. ✔️
Organising the day. ✔️
Prepping the food. ✔️
Cooking the meal. ✔️

You offer to wash dishes as a thank-you 😆

So much hatred and intolerance on here. Just live 🤦‍♀️

Yes. Anyone with horses and dogs or a public school education tends to be at ease with flatulence.

My ex mil.used to beg my.mum ( a great cook ) not to do any puddings with cream at xmas time because both my husband's grannies... who used to stay with her for xmas.... used to get the shits all night if they had cream. my mum and i used to laugh our heads off about it wondering what horrors my mil had had to endure over the years when theyd all gone home to mil and fil.house after being round ours. My mum used to make loads of really creamy drlicious desserts. The grannies used to hoover them up. 🤣🤣🤣

Well regardless of the farting in laws I would not be cooking your husband any dinner let alone Christmas dinner. If he pays more to the mortgage then no doubt it is because he doesn’t move his lazy arse off the couch to help with cooking/cleaning and probably childcare. Nor would I cook for the in laws who have appalling manners and no respect for you.

I’d be telling him that he will be organising ALL Xmas dinner - buying it, preparing it and cooking it AND cleaning up after it

You married a peach there @Christmasdayissue

I would tell him it’s his turn to cook Christmas dinner this year. And if there are issues afterwards, I would go for a walk or escape upstairs.

@Christmasdayissue OP, any other time of the year and I would agree with you. BUT! It is Christmas - unclench.

Or go and take the dog for a long walk.

They're all awful....dh is the worst. What an absolute bell end.

Easy solution is you don't eat things you're intolerant to.
Do you really need another adult to limit the options available to you? You're genuinely too stupid to know what you can or cant eat?

What do you mean ‘huh’?? She is blaming the in laws for self serving the food that caused the problem. Well if you don’t cook foods that cause it then they can’t self serve it, can they?

Huh indeed!

Wow, that is a really unpleasant comment to make.

I don't blame you for being grossed out by their behaviour, and it is strange to me that he is not embarrassed by them, even if he does want them to come for Xmas still.

Is it possible your overall relationship with inlaws is not that strong? I wouldn't like the farting but could possibly tolerate it if I liked the farters! I think it's kind of disrespectful to you especially the first time visiting your new home.

I think I'd do the roast on Xmas eve for you and the kids, and go on an unofficial strike on Xmas day and serve something like potato waffles and say after their last visit you thought they'd appreciate something more gentle on the stomach.

Not sure why you are swearing at me. The actions of both parties have consequences. His behaviour may make her want to end the marriage, go no contact with his family etc, last straw and all that. Given his unpleasant attitude so far, anything she does in response such as refusing to cook Christmas dinner if his family are coming, or maybe going to visit her family if his family come to the house, is likely to trigger more nastiness from him. I am not blaming her and I am not saying his actions don't have consequences for the family, but if she is not ready to make big decisions about their future then she may just chose to carry on for a quiet life for now. I wouldn't personally as I wouldn't want to be treated like that but if the kids are young and she is not financially independent this may not be the hill for her to die on.

"Them coming. He says as he pays more towards the Mortgage he gets the final say."
No he bloody does not, so what he pays more for the mortgage, he does not get the final say on anything. You both have an equal say. He is as big an oaf as them. Everyone farts, but you can control it. His family choose not too, filthy animals.
He may pay more to the mortgage but if your name is on it, it is shared. Do you really want to be with this man and his farmyard disgusting pigs of family.

I'm pretty sure that their not doing it to piss you off! 😂😂 And yes it's rude to uninvite them for something that's not their fault

You are being really controlling, this is his family ffs.

There are medications these disgusting people can take.

I have stomach issues. I take medication.

They are lazy and gross and I wouldn’t be feeding them.

@user1471453601 Sometimes, when I get up out of my chair, it sounds like the opening bars of The Last Post.

😆😆

I must have a puerile sense of humour because I've only just started reading this thread and I've already come close to an attack of incontinence.😳

I’m unsure where I stand on un-inviting tbh. Id find that gross though. But, I do think it’s bad if they knew the foods to avoid and went ahead and ate them anyway if other stuff was on offer. For example stuffing is known for it so if you know you have an issue avoid while out? What was on offer? We have a relative with an issue that causes diarrhoea. When he stays he avoids all the triggers. That if he wants it as a treat he’ll eat it at home and suffer the consequences occasionally. If they dont know what causes it then they need to experiment through elimination, or see a doctor. They have to want to do that though I guess.

I know where you’re coming from here. My nephews came and stayed with me & were drinking excessively & burping loudly. I’m not a prude by any means but it was a bit much for me. It ruined the peaceful vibe & annoyed me as it was unnecessary & excessive.

I tend to agree, farting like a trombone at someone’s house is bloody rude. They shouldn’t have eaten the things they chose if they don’t agree with them. I definitely wouldn’t let it interfere with Christmas plans though.