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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

661 replies

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:10

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

OP posts:
PeopleWatching17 · 01/12/2025 23:16

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:10

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

You’d enjoy eating with me. I have a stoma over which I have no control. Charlie, for it is he, let’s out long high-pitched farts. The grandchildren enjoy it, but it does leave something to be desired.

PeopleWatching17 · 01/12/2025 23:18

RaininSummer · 01/12/2025 22:37

Another thing to look forward to now I am getting older then... Flappy anus! Bloody marvellous.

Flappyanus. Is that Latin?

Goldwren1923 · 01/12/2025 23:21

This is really rude but surely it’s not the first time?

notallwhowanderare · 01/12/2025 23:22

They behaved disgustingly and the reasons for that don't matter, not your problem. I'd have vomited if I'd been forced to stay in the room with that and nope, I wouldn't have my Christmas day ruined either.

Not your problem, don't let any of them make it your problem.

XWKD · 01/12/2025 23:27

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 18:48

Outside wouldn’t work, we haven’t had the chance to do the garden and whilst there’s a patio we’d need to get heaters etc, just too much faff!

Show quote history

At least you wouldn't be short of gas for the patio heater. 😀

muggart · 01/12/2025 23:36

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 22:50

Them coming. He says as he pays more towards the Mortgage he gets the final say.

Show quote history

Surely you have all the power though as he doesn’t do the cooking. Just don’t cook! don’t even discuss it.

Whatsappweirdo · 01/12/2025 23:41

That would be me out of doing the christmas
meal. And mentally out of the marriage, too.

ilovesushi · 01/12/2025 23:47

That is hilarious. The two of the them sitting side by side on the sofa merrily parping away filling your house with gas. I do feel sorry for them if they have to put up with that after every meal. Are there foods they can eat that don't have that effect? I wouldn't uninvite them especially if it is a medical condition - I assume it is, otherwise it's pretty antisocial.

MO0N · 01/12/2025 23:48

Stick to your guns OP so that he's forced into the pub lunch option. I'm sure he'll enjoy sitting there with them, tuning up the brass band.

readingmytealeaves · 01/12/2025 23:48

Well it's his house too so I suppose he can invite who he wants to, however that doesn't mean you have to cook for them or even be there when they visit. It just depends how much of an issue you want to make it and how much you are willing to let your disagreement on the subject affect your children and the future of your marriage.

You can grin and bear it and do your normal hosting.
You can host but do a really bland meal that hopefully would cause less GI problems for them but might not be what you prefer to have for Christmas lunch. You can tolerate a visit but refuse to cook.
You can go somewhere else with or without the kids.
The last 2 would probably cause a major row with your husband and have longterm consequences, it just depends if you are ready to deal with that - I would be due to the total lack of respect from everyone but I am an old grump and don't tolerate much these days.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 23:55

Sadly I now feel this hitherto merry thread is not actually about festive farting.

RisingSunn · 02/12/2025 00:02

So gross. The least they could do is leave the room. Surely that’s not a tough ask.

EconomyClassRockstar · 02/12/2025 00:06

When I met my PILs, it absolutely blew my mind how easily they could fart in the room and not even give a "Pardon Me". Maybe your in laws are just posher than you OP 😂

Imisscoffee2021 · 02/12/2025 00:06

I'm not squeamish, I have a toddler who frequently breaks wind at close range, and farts are often funny, but it would make me feel so grim if I had to sit in a fart cloud that was filling up a room and getting denser by the minute. It doesn't matter whose it was, farts don't smell any better for being those of a near relation.

I dont think think you're unreasonable, and intolerance are a reason for farts but not a free pass to release them constantly at someone else's house when a bathroom exists. Maybe they feel like it's safety in numbers as there's two of them.

Calliopespa · 02/12/2025 00:07

RisingSunn · 02/12/2025 00:02

So gross. The least they could do is leave the room. Surely that’s not a tough ask.

I guess it depends how quickly it strikes, how agile they are and how often it happens.

Milosc · 02/12/2025 00:07

Sure, he can have them over but don't cook or lift a finger for their visit. Spend the time with your DC and make a nice meal for just you and them. Your H can figure out their own meal and entertainment. He is vile stating he pays more for the mortgage so he gets final say. What a dickhead he is.

76evie · 02/12/2025 00:09

Christmasdayissue · 01/12/2025 22:50

Them coming. He says as he pays more towards the Mortgage he gets the final say.

Show quote history

Wow! The farting is disgusting, I might laugh at the odd unexpected fart but them sat there farting all night would turn my stomach. The same with burping. I find it bad manners, I bet they don’t do it elsewhere!

Another Wow at his paying more towards the mortgage comments, that’s a pretty disgusting thing too!

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 00:13

readingmytealeaves · 01/12/2025 23:48

Well it's his house too so I suppose he can invite who he wants to, however that doesn't mean you have to cook for them or even be there when they visit. It just depends how much of an issue you want to make it and how much you are willing to let your disagreement on the subject affect your children and the future of your marriage.

You can grin and bear it and do your normal hosting.
You can host but do a really bland meal that hopefully would cause less GI problems for them but might not be what you prefer to have for Christmas lunch. You can tolerate a visit but refuse to cook.
You can go somewhere else with or without the kids.
The last 2 would probably cause a major row with your husband and have longterm consequences, it just depends if you are ready to deal with that - I would be due to the total lack of respect from everyone but I am an old grump and don't tolerate much these days.

What the fuck??

So any action SHE takes has consequences for the family, but his refusal to have her back in the face of disgusting behaviour and disrespect doesn’t???

Vaxtable · 02/12/2025 00:14

If he insists they come I would call them out, I would simply say very quietly the first time it happens that what they do in their own home is up to them, but they are being very rude and absolutely no example to your children and they need to go to the toilet in future

If it continues I would simply gather up the kids, leave the room, go upstairs and the kids can play up there

They are incredibly rude and mannerless

Glitterybee · 02/12/2025 00:15

I’m sorry I can’t believe how many people think this is okay.

It really is not! It’s absolutely vile and if I was the OP I’d be considering whether I wanted to be part of their family, nevermind spending Christmas Day with them!

pair of pigs

Oioisavaloy27 · 02/12/2025 00:15

You'd seriously uninvite someone for Christmas because they farted? Get a grip of yourself!

IridiumSky · 02/12/2025 00:16

OP, you have married into a family of disgusting, disrespectful, Neanderthals.

Why did you do that? Did you not know?

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 00:18

sweetgingercat · 01/12/2025 23:11

On the one hand they might be two old people who have less control and you ought to feel sorry for them and remember that old age comes to us all.

On the other, farts are hilarious and you can play a secret game with your kids to decide who farts the most and who farts the loudest and then give a prize to the kid who guesses correctly.

Nothing to get so prudish and miserable about. One day you'll be in the same situation, the oldest in the room, desperately hoping your DIL doesn't throw you out for some minor misdemeanour. How sad...

What an absolutely revolting suggestion. Christ, no wonder our society is devolving. Do people really live like this???

And btw these are not old people.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 02/12/2025 00:18

sweetgingercat · 01/12/2025 23:11

On the one hand they might be two old people who have less control and you ought to feel sorry for them and remember that old age comes to us all.

On the other, farts are hilarious and you can play a secret game with your kids to decide who farts the most and who farts the loudest and then give a prize to the kid who guesses correctly.

Nothing to get so prudish and miserable about. One day you'll be in the same situation, the oldest in the room, desperately hoping your DIL doesn't throw you out for some minor misdemeanour. How sad...

What an absolutely revolting suggestion. Christ, no wonder our society is devolving. Do people really live like this???

And btw these are not old people.

Calliopespa · 02/12/2025 00:20

IridiumSky · 02/12/2025 00:16

OP, you have married into a family of disgusting, disrespectful, Neanderthals.

Why did you do that? Did you not know?

Well let's not blame op here.

But op I have to concede the mortgage comment has put a whole new perspective on this for me. Instead of an otherwise happy family with a few gassy indiscretions, it now looks more like a pattern of disregard, disrespect and imposition of their own urges.