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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find it utterly vile when people boast about how much money they have?

140 replies

FreddysTeddy · 09/06/2008 16:53

I just find it so crass when people insist on dropping their salary (or worse, their husband's salary) into conversation/onto threads.

AIBU to find it a bit vulgar? Is it some kind of old-school British thinking that makes me feel like this?

Plus, people who are happy and confident don't tend to need to boast about things so I always have a tendency to think that the boaster is telling porkies anyway.

OP posts:
Desiderata · 09/06/2008 16:54

It is twattish behaviour, I agree.

I prefer to brag about how much money I don't have.

belgo · 09/06/2008 16:55

do people really do this? I have never noticed.

poppy34 · 09/06/2008 16:59

erm yes yanbu - dunno about vulgar but unnecessary too. Any thing in particular made you think of this?

FreddysTeddy · 09/06/2008 17:01

Oh, I've just seen it on a thread that mostly consisted of people talking about how they were struggling to get by on benefits.

Wanted to discuss it separately and didn't want to do the whole thread about a thread thing though.

OP posts:
theBOD · 09/06/2008 17:01

nope a mate of mine from school always used to do this even though seeing as we were at school it was not his money at all but his step-dads. and seeing as we went to the same private school all families would have been in a well off position so boasting about money that's not yours seemed utterly pointless and ridiculously boring.

Enid · 09/06/2008 17:01

it wouldnt bother me in the slightest

I understand there are lots of very well off families out there and what people earn doesnt bother me, it could be 7,000 or 700,000 so what?

DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe · 09/06/2008 17:02

I don't know anyone who does this but I do have a friend who CONSTANTLY goes on about how skint she and her dh are (who both work)to the point that you feel awkward mentioning anything you have done, holiday you are going on, birthday present you have bought dc etc. It's very annoying too.

FreddysTeddy · 09/06/2008 17:02

No, not them having money, it's the boasting about it. Actually, I don't like boasting full stop, so maybe that's my problem.

OP posts:
sagacious · 09/06/2008 17:02

I've never seen anyone say how much money they have.
There are certain posters who clearly do allude to great riches.

It doesn't really bother me

Enid · 09/06/2008 17:03

yy agree about the skint

if people go on about money from whichever direction it is boring tbh

ginnedup · 09/06/2008 17:03

Its like a sport for the yummy mummies at the playground gates at my dss school.
Their main objective every day is to drop as many of the following points into every conversation:

  1. That your hubby works in the city and earns a fortune.
2 What car you / hubby drive.
  1. That you live in (or near to) xxxx road (which is v. expensive of course)
  2. The size of your enormous house
  3. That you shop in Waitrose or M&S and the more designer shopping bags you carry the better.
  4. and of course then there's the holidays to discuss, the main aim being how much it all cost.

You are right Freddy's Teddy - it is crass and I avoid them like the plague or stand there quietly laughing to myself at them.

DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe · 09/06/2008 17:03

BTW my annoyance doesn't extend to people who have real financial problems, this friend is just one who seems to try and make you feel bad if you do buy anything that she wants!

Enid · 09/06/2008 17:03

I bet they werent boasting

BroccoliSpears · 09/06/2008 17:03

MIL does this all the time. It's cringy.

FreddysTeddy · 09/06/2008 17:05

Enid, how trusting of you. Sweet!

OP posts:
catsmother · 09/06/2008 17:06

No, you're not alone. I was brought up to think that salary-dropping and similar was vulgar, and potentially crass (as in, rubbing the nose of someone less fortunate in it). I remember asking my mum, in all innocence, and at the age of about 9 or 10, so no ulterior motive involved, how much my dad earned and her reaction was one of appalled shock ...... because, apparantly "you don't ask that sort of thing".

Okay ..... I think she over-reacted to a (her own) child, but I admit I still feel uncomfortable when other people state how much they earn. I can sort of understand it, in certain contexts, and amongst very close friends ..... but when there is a large group of you round the table, or when you're on an anonymous forum, where, chances are there are people from all walks of life reading any particular thread, I can't help but feel it's boasting, and it always leaves an unpleasant taste in the mouth (for me, anyway).

What I've noticed (and fallen foul of myself) though on MN is that when anyone suggests they find this vulgar, that a whole heap of others will throw the "jealousy" card at you and it's often very hard to explain that it's not someone else's good fortune you object to per se (that would be very sour grapes), but the way in which news of that good fortune has been presented. No-one would object to a poster who announced they or their other half had just had a great payrise for example, which would make a significant difference to their life ...... but if someone came along and announced, for example (and this is off the top of my head and I have no idea if this scenario has ever happened on MN, but similar insensitivity definitely has) that they had just got a £25K payrise I'd feel very pissed off at their tactlessness, given that a) many struggle by on less than that as a complete annual wage, never mind a payrise, and b)such a large payrise would indicate they were already doing rather well.

colacubes · 09/06/2008 17:07

I cant stand it, I have a friend who does this all the time, first thing out of her mouth is "I,m worth so much, I got so much", and to be honest it aint that much!!

I think talking about money is crass and serves no purpose than to make yourself look like a right prat!

Enid · 09/06/2008 17:08

silly to feel jealous though

i never feel jealous Halo

I really don't

Let them have their amazing cars and big salaries

If you are happy with your own life then it doesnt matter - and you don't know everything about people, they could have had some awful tragedy in their lives for all you know

expatinscotland · 09/06/2008 17:09

It strikes me as a rather nouveau sort of bourgeois thing to do.

But other than that, oh, well, like who cares?

FreddysTeddy · 09/06/2008 17:09

Who mentioned jealousy Enid? Crassness and vulgarity were mentioned yes, jealousy, no.

Why would I be jealous anyway, I earn £200k! Phnaar, phnaar.

(I don't, just making the point about it being obnoxious).

OP posts:
Enid · 09/06/2008 17:11

yy

I knwo a group of women who are a bitl like this - nooves

but then a cuople of them really went out of their way to help me out with something once and I found a bit more out about them - although they were boasty showoffs on the surface actually I like them now, they are a bit bling and it cheers me up, even though they go skiing twice a year and on holiday three times a year and dont work - as long as I see them in small doses they are fine and amusing

everyone usually has SOMETHING to offer tbh

colacubes · 09/06/2008 17:12

Whoa, no jealousy here, I just don't think its appropriate to talk money over the dinner table in company or on a night out to any tom, dick, or harry, what for, shows insecurities in them if anything!

Enid · 09/06/2008 17:12

so you are still looking down on them

belgo · 09/06/2008 17:12

Actually I have a friend who does the exact opposite. Boasts about how they never spend any money - everything is second hand or home made. Not sure I'd call it boasting though.

catsmother · 09/06/2008 17:12

That of course is very true Enid. Not everything can be bought by money (though it helps regarding a lot of things).

However, I find my hackles rising in these situations, not necessarily because of the happiness (or not as the case may be) in my own life but on behalf of other people worse off than me. I just feel that nitty-gritty details are completely unnecessary ...... how can these add to the overall picture except to convey (in the eyes of the boaster) that they have "arrived" or are "better" than the assembled company ..... just in case anyone is left in any doubt ?

It's plain bad manners at the end of the day and - as I am rapidly turning into my mum god help me - lack of manners and discourtesy drives me mad !