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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfollowed on SM

125 replies

leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:27

So ive known this friend for more than 35 years. Some arguments on and off through the years but we always make up and get back to normal. It’s not a intense friendship as we don’t really share friends so a few times a year we meet up which is nice. Deep down i don’t think her life is exactly as she would want it is married with 2 children but i sense some bitterness there. Anyway along comes social media we are both on insta i tend to post a lot just family stuff holidays etc she not so much. A y way about a year ago she decided to un follow me and when i asked why she just said she doesnt need to see what i post and how we can be friends with me without following me. She follows other friends.
I wanted to ask opinions on this and AIBU that she isnt a real friend as she seems offended by looking st my life style. Occasionaly i might send a photo of something she might be interested in and she will look at ot but hardly ever comment.
Thiughts please.

OP posts:
Sillysoggyspaniel · 01/12/2025 13:30

Why do you care? Of course she can unfollow you and stay friends in real life. You've got your priorities completely backwards.

TheCountessAtChristmas · 01/12/2025 13:31

Well your friend is entitled to look at or follow whatever/whoever she wants on her social media.
I do think it is on the side of "weird" that your friends and she doesnt follow you. Even people who i dont like anymore/dont speak to anymore Ive just muted them, so I still show on their follow list I just dont see what they get upto.

You seem to think shes unhappy and maybe jealous of your life? Maybe she just really doesnt care? Which in itself probably shows the friendship is over...

OhSoSalty · 01/12/2025 13:32

Sillysoggyspaniel · 01/12/2025 13:30

Why do you care? Of course she can unfollow you and stay friends in real life. You've got your priorities completely backwards.

This exactly. You sound like you wanna brag at her

TeenLifeMum · 01/12/2025 13:32

I’d assume jealousy. Social media means you see when people are pulling away in a way you wouldn’t previously. It’s a bit of a head fuck to be honest and best not to over think it.

Ablondiebutagoody · 01/12/2025 13:33

She's explained it perfectly. Who wants to follow people and be notified about all the (tedious) stuff that they post?

Satisfiedkitty · 01/12/2025 13:36

I unfollow loads of people, usually if they post pictures of their food in restaurants. I still like them as people, but I really don't care what they ate for dinner on Saturday night.

Deliberations · 01/12/2025 13:36

Please dont let social media rule your life!
Your friend has explained why she unfollowed - and she's right no one NEEDS to see what you post. Perhaps she just had a SM cleanse a year ago and unfollowed a bunch of people.

Unless sh'es done anything in real life that offends you there is no reason to let this spoil your friendship.... and perhaps stop sending her photos unless she askes for them. If she's having a hard time - seeing your lovely photos could come across as bragging TBH.

Arregaithel · 01/12/2025 13:38

mmm, let me see

Deep down i don’t think her life is exactly as she would want

i sense some bitterness there

i tend to post a lot just family stuff holidays

she seems offended by looking st my life style

taken in the round @leicester66 it would seem obvious, does it not, to you?

OopOop · 01/12/2025 13:40

I’ve got a really really good friend, who I adore. I have unfollowed her on social media because she posts far too many boring updates about her kids 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m really not bothered about seeing every time they climb a tree or jump in a puddle.
She’s still a good friend.

Arlanymor · 01/12/2025 13:44

I’ve unfollowed people just because what they post isn’t interesting. I don’t really need to read: “Been running around shopping all morning and now sitting down to have a nice cuppa.” Stuff like this is just prosaic to be honest. I don’t need to follow people on social media to be friends with them and lots of my friends aren’t even on social media. I would quite like to be as well as times, but mine is tied to my work so no real choice. You’ve reminded me I need to do my annual end of the year cull before too long and get rid of account that just isn’t useful or interesting - I used to keep it below following 100 but it always creeps up. I wouldn’t give two figs if someone stopped following me, even if they were my best friend.

HorrorAndHaagenDazs · 01/12/2025 13:46

If content is not interesting to me, i unfollow.
Doesnt mean i dont like the people who post it, theres just not enough hours in the day to wade through bilge if i want a quick hit of what i want to see.

CassandraMortmayne · 01/12/2025 13:47

She could be in pain and find it difficult to see your posts about good times?

If you equate friendship to mean following each other on social media tbh I don’t think you’re a good friend to have and I can toally understand her position.

Social media can be really toxic and everyone should be allowed to make up their own mind about what’s right for them to feed their minds with, without any judgement from ‘friends’.

It’s totally different catching up with someone in real life as you get a much more vulnerable and balanced view of each others’ lives. Maybe she values your friendship in this way even if she doesn’t find aspects of social media helpful?

How about being brave enough to have a compassionate conversation with her about it? Make an effort to understand her position and explain how you feel it affects you?

SunnyViper · 01/12/2025 13:48

Social media is the downfall of real relationships. Utterly mad that you are remotely bothered by this.

Original poster
leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:48

I would like to add that i don’t post boring stuff😂as i said holidays days out interesting places occasionaly selfies

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 01/12/2025 13:49

No issues with this at all. I don't do social media so follow no-one. Anything interesting we talk about face to face. I am not in the slightest bit interested in their holiday snaps or the latest escapade of various grandchildren.

I am team friend.

HelpMeGetThrough · 01/12/2025 13:52

leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:48

I would like to add that i don’t post boring stuff😂as i said holidays days out interesting places occasionaly selfies

It’s not boring to you, but will be to others who aren’t at all interested what you’ve got up to.

Original poster
leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:52

personally i enjoy seeing my friends having a good time and posting happy moments and special times. Must be just me

OP posts:
Greggsit · 01/12/2025 13:53

I think you're projecting a lot and probably reading a lot that probably isn't there. You think she's jealous of you and your lifestyle? You've decided that your idea of interesting places and your own selfies aren't boring. You're coming across as quite smug and it isn't her that's coming across as not a real friend.

HelpMeGetThrough · 01/12/2025 13:54

leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:52

personally i enjoy seeing my friends having a good time and posting happy moments and special times. Must be just me

It is. I know a friend of mine has been away this weekend, no idea where they went or what they did. It’s not interesting to me.

wintericestorm · 01/12/2025 13:54

leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:48

I would like to add that i don’t post boring stuff😂as i said holidays days out interesting places occasionaly selfies

You may not think it’s boring, but I would find your holiday snaps, days out and selfies utterly tedious, and would have unfollowed you too, especially as you said you post a lot.

BeAmberMember · 01/12/2025 13:55

leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:48

I would like to add that i don’t post boring stuff😂as i said holidays days out interesting places occasionaly selfies

It's not boring to you but often, looking at others people's holiday photos, what they had for dinner, what their kids made at school is boring to other people.

I gave up all social media years ago because it made me annoyed with people I otherwise loved.

Before I did, a male friend posted saying he wasn't unfollowing friends because he didn't like them but because he was fed-up with 1st day of school pictures and other content he wasn't interested in clogging up his feed and people took great offence.

I don't see the problem.

Your friend isn't as interested in your photos as you are but she still wants to be friends. It's very strange you've concluded she's jealous or bitter.

mummabubs · 01/12/2025 13:57

leicester66 · 01/12/2025 13:48

I would like to add that i don’t post boring stuff😂as i said holidays days out interesting places occasionaly selfies

OP, with kindness here - these aren't boring things... To you! You say you post a lot and have sometimes sent things to her - as in sent photos of things you've done or selfies to her?

I have friends in life who I treasure and value, and at the same time I really don't care to look at photos of their holidays or day trips! I think using social media as a record or keepsake for you is one thing, but it really saddens me to watch people get so hurt or angry when their posts don't gain validation from others. Your friend sounds like she's clearly communicated her position - she wants to be your friend but doesn't want to see all the photos. She's allowed to feel this way.

Sartre · 01/12/2025 13:57

Guessing she’s either jealous of you in some way or you post too much and she was sick of seeing you.

Kitmanic · 01/12/2025 14:01

I have a friend who unfollows people on an off. He does it to protect himself from seeing all the "perfect" lives everyone else is living when things are going badly for him.

I sounds like you know things aren't always great fornher and you post lots of "look how wonderful my life is" stuff. It's not rocket science.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 01/12/2025 14:01

Presumably you meant that you are married with 2 kids and her life 'isn't what she wants it to be'...meaning she doesn't have a family.

If that's the case, can you put 2 and 2 together here and potentially take a punt as to why she doesn't want to see your family days out?

Btw, selfies and day trips aren't interesting to anyone other than the person in them.