Unfollowed on SM

[leicester66]

So ive known this friend for more than 35 years. Some arguments on and off through the years but we always make up and get back to normal. It’s not a intense friendship as we don’t really share friends so a few times a year we meet up which is nice. Deep down i don’t think her life is exactly as she would want it is married with 2 children but i sense some bitterness there. Anyway along comes social media we are both on insta i tend to post a lot just family stuff holidays etc she not so much. A y way about a year ago she decided to un follow me and when i asked why she just said she doesnt need to see what i post and how we can be friends with me without following me. She follows other friends.
I wanted to ask opinions on this and AIBU that she isnt a real friend as she seems offended by looking st my life style. Occasionaly i might send a photo of something she might be interested in and she will look at ot but hardly ever comment.
Thiughts please.

Besides, why does it matter if she sees your photos or not? Why do you want her to specifically?

Well I doubt it’s just you in the whole entire world, there are others who like it too. And some who don’t. Both views equally as valid.

I love my friends but have no interest in seeing endless selfies of them standing in front of a view or landmark with their best smile. I know what they look like -and very often it isn't anything like that filtered picture!

Judge her by how good a friend she is to you in real life. Everything else is irrelevant.

Sometimes looking at what my friends post makes me feel bad. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends with them

How is she when you see/speak to her in real life?

She could have just hidden your feed but it could just be she doesn’t need/want to see everyone’s amazing life when hers may not be great. Which is pretty much what she has said.

Everyone is different.

What I’ve taken from your post is all of your assumptions are that she is not happy with her life, bitter, jealous etc - that doesn’t make you sound like a good friend - I would unfollow you if I could sense you had such a low opinion of my life!!

Perhaps she is unhappy with life - is there something you could do as a friend to inject some happiness into her life? If you know for a fact your happy posts make your friend unhappy, why would you want her to see them? Do you like the thought that they might make her feel shit about her life?

She hasn’t done anything dramatic- she has just unfollowed you. You can do with that what you choose. What you can’t do is make her watch your endless social media posts.

Not everyone wants to follow all of their RL friends on social media. Many people just follow those whose posts they are actually interested in, for example because they share info about a particular hobby.

Unfollowing doesn't need to indicate any negative feelings at all! If there are some RL friends that she does follow, this might mean anything - it might even mean that those other friends are stroppy and dramatic about being followed and she trusts you not to be.

Honestly, if I followed all my RL friends on social media I would just feel like I was being spammed with junk most of the time!!

I have some lovely friends who I repeatedly have on “snooze” on fb.

One who is always sharing links to whatever music they are currently listen to

One who only ever shares pouty in the mirror selfies

One who shares lots and lots of change.org petitions

One who shares “motivational” memes.

They are all very nice people, and the things they share are interesting to them but not really to me. I snooze them due to the high volume of their posts. It doesn’t mean I don’t value their friendships.

Maybe she doesnt like your pass/agg vibes.

Said everyone who posts boring stuff 😂 what is of interest to you clearly isn't to her.

I do too.

But, if I was having a tough time and felt a "friend" was gloating about her perfect life a lot, I might find it hard to swallow.

Maybe you don't think it's boring, but I can guarantee it is to some. .. 🥱

That’s a really petulant response.

Some people like this stuff, others don’t. That’s fine. There’s nothing more to it.

I hate to break it to you, but that stuff is boring! 😂
Its like the people pre-social media who would get endless photo albums out to show you!

I am starting to get an idea about why she might not want to follow you on SM

You say you post a lot. That's probably why -- the frequency.

I use Instagram primarily for following arts organisations, local theatres, gardening accounts, Buddhism things, artists I like. I don't follow many friends. In fact many of my friends either don't use SM at all, or only use it for professional purposes, but I did unfollow one of DH's nieces purely because she posted all the time, multiple times a day sometimes, irritatingly vapid, curated stuff about her breakfasts and wedding plans and posed brunches with her friends. She's a perfectly nice woman in person, but she posts far too often for me. Similarly with a male friend who discovered Instagram in his late 40s and started enthusiastically documenting his extreme marathon training. All the time.

You said you post lots of family stuff and holidays. Beyond one or two photo's - those are dull tbh. Perhaps she just finds it all dull or perhaps envious of your seemingly happier times? I've unfollowed friends over the years for children photo's. Witty, funny amazing people who I've known for years suddenly only post stuff on their children when they became parents.. It's boring! I don't have any social media now, just got a bit much. Still meet up with the nearer ones in real life tho!

It is boring, unless your a actual family member. I love my friends but i don’t need to see a dozen photos of their hoildays, days out etc every week.

Lots of people have realised that social media is a complete heap of shit.

No matter how close friends you are, most people not give a fuck about your holiday snaps or your checkin at some resturant or another.

You sound like hard work and not a good friend, I don't blame her for unfollowing.

It's just you. There are many people who truly do not want or need to see your life played out on SM and apparently your old friend is on of them.

It's her choice and your concern about it makes you seem like a self obsessed twit tbh.

I can easily be friends with people without following them on SM. I don't have time for it. Don't even follow my sister.

However, I'm not sure I could be friends with someone who gives off such obvious 'My life is better than hers and I get a little kick out of it" vibes.

what makes you think that's not boring?

People are interested in different things. Apart from your mum, no one is really interested in your holidays and days out.

Don't get me wrong, I am posted a lot of similar, but because I use my social media as photo albums for me. I don't expect my friends to be fascinated, I just tag them when it's things we've done together.

Why is being followed so important to you? Your friend has a very healthy attitude, she creates no drama, unfollow for whatever reason (bored, jealousy, try to focus on more important things), it's your reaction that is completely over the top.

some people can post interesting happy moments, others are really not that interesting.

Someone reacting like you are would be the exact reason why I would unfollow them. Can't deal with the drama if I forget to like something