Which one of these parents would you judge more

[Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout]

Or think of as a crappier parent?

Child A-6-Always dressed immaculately in new clothes, new toys, hair beautifully done, wears make up a fair amount and mum & grandma spray perfume on her, has a mobile phone-‘Just’ with games on and adult Youtube. Child swears, calls people fat or ugly and laughs,

Or

Child B-6-Scruffy, often without shoes, clothes with paint or food down them at weekends, unbrushed hair, mainly at weekends, baths once per week

There's issues with both parenting styles. Where as child A it seems more like questionnable parenting choices. Child B is neglect.

Clean clothes, basic hygiene and grooming are all very basic needs which aren't being met.

Is this play make-up, borrowing Mummy's makeup and looking like a clown, or a Sephora haul for the 6yr old?

What is the parental reaction to swearing and insults?

Is this no shoes to wear to school, or often barefoot around the house?

Is this scruffy as in is allowed out in public in "no point wearing nice things to do painting/roll in the mud in" previously nice but now a bit tatty clothes, or as in "these clothes are the wrong size/worn out/not weather-appropriate" and the child doesn't have any others.

Child B sounds like my childhood in the 1960s but I was happy and loved. Child A’s parents seem OTT in my opinion.

Not in the 90s

I can confirm I wasn’t shoved up a chimney

But OP I also bathed daily

Both

Even detangling spray hurts to brush curly hair. Have a read up on the curly girl method and it will be revolutionary.

Simple version: co-wash (wash with conditioner, not shampoo). 2nd lot of conditioner and comb through. Rinse. Plait it while still wet and job done for another week!

Bathing once a week makes no difference to little children, BUT it’s instilling a norm that won’t be socially welcome in a teen. Dirty clothes and stinking of BO will guarantee bullying later. You are clearly child Bs parent. Right or wrongly, it is important to take pride in one’s appearance, to appreciate the value of hygiene and social norms. Yes scruffy is fine in certain circumstances but your child needs to learn the difference. Equally whilst curly thick hair is harder to manage- she needs to learn and preferably early how to manage it. There are many online guides depending on her curl type. Find out and learn op. It will do her favours in later life.

Why on earth are you spending anytime with someone you think is such a shit parent with such a horror daughter? You’re complete opposites and the judgment is mutual.

Both children are being failed by rubbish half arsed parenting. I’ve got a 6 year old and can’t imagine behaving like either you or the other mum.

Bathing once a week is not neglectful as long as other hygiene practices like hand and face washing and tooth brushing take place. Obviously if the child gets extra dirty it's different. Over bathing is really bad for skin, especially if prone to eczema etc.

Child B is not a million miles away from mine. Hates wearing socks and is bare foot at every opportunity, as am I. Has one long bath a week on a Sunday and usually a mid week shower (but not always). Often looks scruffy out of school and has been known to insist on wearing trousers with holes in because he loves that specific pair. He is constantly ripping the knees playing outside.

I consider myself a reasonable parent, definitely not neglectful, although could do better of course

Well they both sound extreme and possibly neglectful.
One child sounds like Orphan Annie and the other like Veruca Salt.

Similarly we have clothes that really should have been retired as they have outgrown them, but they love them so they are kept longer than really appropriate. They have done sensory issues with clothes so prefer clothes that are soft, worn-in and familiar.

Bathed once a week us disgusting, they will smell and yes I’d judge you and feel sorry for the child as they are being set up fir a childhood of bullying and being ostracised.

Both parents sound awful.

I stepped on a sewing needle and the spiky bits that hold the carpet both, both obviously inside. Picked my foot up and the needle was hanging out!!

Most of us are just doing the best we can with what we have and know. When we know better, we do better. It’s easy to judge people based on a snapshot of their existence. We never really know the full story. I’m not thinking about extreme cases here. Child abuse is obviously not acceptable in any case.

I know for a fact that both of my children would be judged differently based solely on appearances/assumptions. They’re both so deeply loved and cared for and brought up in the same household. Their individual needs are met and that looks quite different for both of them. Their packed lunches alone would have people thinking they hailed from different planets 😂 Chicken salad in one and Nutella sandwich in the other 🤷‍♀️

I think it’s fair to say we all (in some capacity) judge parents based on their children’s behaviour/appearance but that’s not to say we’re always right about those judgements. Therefore I try to keep an open mind. Mostly I just mind my own business to be fair.

I wouldn’t judge either, having had 1 dc who showered daily, took interest in doing their hair, was interested in fashion and watched makeover videos on YouTube from fairly young. Also had another one that I had to force into the shower, didn’t care what they wore providing it was comfortable, spent most of their time outside playing sport/digging for worms, and getting the matts out of their hair was a nightmare.

Thats just how they were, I would have laughed if anyone had judged me for it, can’t change their personality, and I wouldn’t have wanted to…

I would judge either, even if DC B has additional needs which makes hygiene hard to manage its all the more important to instill routine at this age than when its impossible in a few years time.
Its not hard to get rid of tatty clothes, replace with new ones, after the initial tantrum they'll have to get used to it.
Same with washing, offer a reward, but just get it done (and I hope teeth aren't also being neglected?)
No shoes outside is a safety issue. They could stand on something sharp and dirty and end up with an infection.
If the parent is so unable to manage general boundaries then I'd also worry about what diet is like.

Child As makeup and spray could also be an issue if its being pushed by the adults rather than the child's interest. The youtube and large amounts of screen time is far from ideal but not uncommon. Her behaviour towards others needs addressing.

Sorry, I can’t think about anything except A 6-YEAR-OLD CHILD WEARING MAKE-UP???!!!! 😱😱😱

I'd say both seem neglectful but in different ways. The children are 6 so the one that is scruffy seems like she has lazy parents who cba to spend the time to make sure she understands about hygiene. The one with a phone sounds like she needs more one on one time with her parents.

The parenting for A sounds appalling. However, I'd worry about B if they're often not wearing shoes outside.

I'm expecting that B is at least being taught to wash his/her 'important bits' at the sink?

In the 1960s, it wasn't uncommon for people to live in a house that didn't have a bath. Once you were too big for the Belfast sink, it was a case of a tin bath in front of the fire once a week and a wash at the sink all other days.

other child mentioned in our house that her dm says mine should wear more dresses and have hairstyles like hers

So child A was in your house. Is she a cousin or a friend of your child's? If she is a friend it is kind of cool that two such completely different kids are friends. If she is a cousin - well people are different.

I can't imagine getting upset about what a 6 year old said her mother said. It could be completely out of context. Her parents didn't judge you - you just heard a bit of something from a child - maybe something she overheard and mis statd. - a child and whose parents you are judging hard.

I wouldn't want a 6 year old wearing make up and being mean and watching screens all the time. I also wouldn't want a child who only bathed once a week (but what you say about child B makes me think neurodiverse and mother and child getting by)

Why are you making this a parenting competition? Children are different. you cope as best you can.

Bizarre post 🥱

I'm thinking US style beauty pageants or ballroom dancing classes?

I was inflicted upon a teacher of Highland Dancing once a week in the early '70s. The class immediately after ours was Ballroom Dancing. We didn't wear make-up; the Ballroom pupils were plastered in it. It looked grotesque.

I would judge bs parents more, as they are the ones not managing the basic parenting that's more likely to impact their dc's health. Washing once a week isn't enough and hair should get brushed daily.

As social skills sound poor and they need help around calling people names, but that's a far smaller issue.