Ended our relationship of nearly 40 years.

[GreatOliveTiger]

We have children and grandchildren together and have been together almost 40 years. We are not married. We have had a difficult relationship at times mainly because he is deceitful and selfish. We do however get on on a day to day level. I wanted to leave him in the past but for various reasons, young kids then elderly parents it seemed better to stay. I had thought that after him being unfaithful then very remorseful 10 years ago we had reached a good place and could grow old together in relative harmony. I have now found out that he has been lying to me for a very long time and is in a relationship with someone who caused me and my family a great deal of pain in the past. This is a complete betrayal. Not because of the sex but because of who it is. I feel that he has no respect for me or our relationship and has treated me with contempt. So I have told him it is ended. He is very upset and concerned that the rest of the family will turn against him and he will be cut out. Frankly that is on him. He will have to buy me out of our house. I am financially independent so am not worried about how I will live.

What I am struggling with is how to tell my children and how to manage Christmas which we were supposed to be hosting. I don't want to wreck everyone's Christmas at this late stage. Should I not say anything until after Christmas or should I speak to them and let them know and they will need to sort something out for themselves. What a bloody mess.

Er? Who said they could not have careers? How bizarre you are. However you will find many cohabiting women don’t. It’s just a fact. One you might not like but there it is. Often poor people! I can assure you many men don’t pull their weight. So good to hear yours does but it’s not universal. You might also be surprised to hear about women being abused and not having 1p after their cohabiting partner walks out. You simply have no idea!

It's a piece of paper that creates a legal relationship between the two spouses or civil partners, giving them both rights and responsibilities. This can be helpful if they split up and most people feel it makes life simpler if one partner dies, especially in the matter of inheritance, relief from inheritance tax and having control over the funeral arrangements. Not everybody wants to be in that legal position, which is why some very clued up people choose not to marry or have a CP. However, by no means everybody who cohabits understands the difference, as we see all the time on MN, and that can lead to difficulties. OP sounds as if she was very clued up, and I'm glad for her that she will be OK financially now. Have a lovely trip, OP, and enjoy Christmas when it comes, as much as you can.

What a woman!! Enjoy your new life!

If you can then carry on hosting and just tell your children their dad won’t be there!

You're a legend, I hope you have the best life when he's gone x

Do move out everything you value before you leave the home for a few weeks. Don't be surprised if he changes the locks.

I have packed up the things that matter most to me, inherited from my parents and such like. He can keep everything else. I want to choose what I want without compromising going forward and have a brand new start. He will not change the locks or try to bad mouth me. He is pretty stupid but not so stupid that he can't see that behaving badly over the years (which Kids already knew about) then blowing up our life for more sex with a woman who treats everyone badly including him is a difficult story to spin. He is just deluded into thinking that I would just accept his understandable male needs and carry on our cosy life as usual.
To be fair I got "my ducks in a row" many years ago. I am sad that I have had to be strong and prepared rather than cared for but it is a thousand times better to have choices rather than being in your sixties with no money and nowhere to go.

I read that late 50's and 60's is a common time for Women to leave their hopeless partners. Why should we put up with their pitiful crap in retirement.

Amen to that OP.

Good for you for prioritising yourself and your future.

A very similar thing has recently happened to a friend of mine whose husband decided to run off with a woman from his running club. You're right - it's too common but all power to us brave, bad ass women who will thrive without these useless men in our lives. Sending you hugs and strength but sounds like you've got that in spades OP. Hope you have a lovely Christmas!

Quoting you: "She sounds single anyway as she’s pursued a career for independence."

So because she had a successful career this was "making her sound single". You are sooooo odd! Funny, but odd.

Absolutely no way would I host Christmas and play Let’s Pretend with him. Fuck him. Without embellishment - let’s face it you wouldn’t need to it’s so bad - tell your children and other guests the truth of what’s going on and tell him to get gone.

No late 50s. But I found my gorgeous husband less than 5 years and he is late 50s. Married to a good one and fully intend on travelling and doing my life with this one.

My ex is now 50 (he was younger) and is sad, depressed and lives alone and hasn’t had another relationship since me. Elder children don’t see him. Younger do by court order. Giving my younger children the toolkit when needed to say no to him (if they want) and their choice for contact aged 18 plus but I won’t want anything to do with him when the youngest reaches 18.

Congratulations on your new beginning without carrying that POS any longer!

your kids are adults, tell them! Tell them this weekend. Just talk to them one by one. Explain you would prefer someone else hosts this year or you will need support hosting and your now EX won’t be there.

he can fuck off with his side chick!

you deserve better

Wrong thread, sorry!

I wouldn’t give him the house. Just chuck him out. Now. Then have your own Christmas as you wish it to be. Stick a candle in a cupcake if that’s the right thing.

You sound fabulous OP. I hope you have a fantastic Christmas feeling free and excited for the future.