So just to clarify before I start, me and my son's dad have a reasonably amicable relationship and have done since we split 5 years ago. We parted on mutual amicable terms and make arrangements for our son between us.
He sees our son about once a fortnight- through his choice- and I am happy to accommodate the days that work for him, because up until recently he was working weekends and didn't have set hours. As long as it doesn't affect our son's football matches for that weekend as this is our son's favourite thing and we both know this and wouldn't want his matches affected. I drop him off and pick DS up because he doesn't drive.
He doesn't pay maintenance but does pay for half of our son's clubs- as well as football our son does 2 other clubs and goes to afterschool clubs twice a week due to work commitments. He tends to pay this half way through the term which is slightly frustrating because I need to pay upfront at the start of the term but to be honest I know he'll pay eventually so I don't see the point in causing an issue for the sakes of a few weeks! He doesn't pay for maintenance/ food/ clothes etc but tbh I don't struggle and would rather just get on with it than create what could become an issue. It's a bit frustrating because he smokes a lot and goes out quite a lot but tbh I don't want the hassle!
He worked away for a bit abroad for 3-4 months at a time so doesn't have his own accommodation any more. He has lived between his parents and now his new girlfriends houses for the last 18 months. His parents aren't trusted around our son unsupervised so whilst our son goes there under his dad's supervision he wouldn't be left unsupervised or stay overnight there.
What I find quite frustrating is that he doesn't turn up to any football/ swimming/ school events for our son- even though up until a few weeks ago he was literally living 300m away from the leisure centre/ playing fields! Doesn't take our son to school, pick him up or take him to any club/matches and can't even be bothered to turn up to parents evening, despite currently not working. Doesn't help at all with arranging childcare for school holidays but rather tells me he only gets his rota weekly so doesn't know in advance- assuming I'll sort it!
I feel that it's his loss because he's missing out on seeing our son grow and do the things he loves but equally it's me that gets the frustration of our son when he's not turned up to something yet again!
Anyway my real frustration and the reason for this post is that today my son has gone to his dad's- he turned up 5 minutes before the end of his hour long football match to pick him up!- and then asked the arrangements for Christmas. For the last 3-4 years our son has seen his dad on Christmas eve day and I've picked him up in the evening and he's been with me Christmas Day. His dad is always welcome to pop round on Christmas Day if he wants and has done the last couple of years with his last girlfriend. It's always been quite pleasant and I felt good for our son to see his parents and step parents all get along together.
I assumed this would happen again this year and said to him this when he asked... he then replied yes I can have him xmas eve and I'll drop him over xmas morning/ after lunch. I swiftly said no to this! I felt quite frankly fuming that he has the audacity to think he can have our son at his new girlfriends house on Christmas morning when he doesn't both on any other morning of the year! I feel that I do everything for out son - which I'm not complaining about- but I do feel the least I deserve is to get xmas morning- the one day of the year to be able to share presents and be together and share the magic (he's 8 and already shared doubts about santa so I'm expecting this to be his last xmas believing) etc.
I can't help but feel really fuming but also AIBU for saying no to my son being at his dad's for Christmas morning when I do everything all year around and his dad just pops up when he feels like it?