Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

If OP speaks to the LA she may very soon find she can never foster children again!

I don't either as I am not a foster carer. I was just trying to be helpful. People can take from it what they want. It's not up to me or my decision.

OP, my thoughts- are you really going to call her employer? I can hear the conversation now “ hello BT, have you got someone called Tracey working for you? She goes to Costa and is a foster carer”.

On the off chance they know who you’re talking about how do you know that she has informed work colleagues that she is a fc?

WiFi in a Costa is NOT SECURE and ANYONE wishing to steal your data can do so VERY EASILY. It’s free to use for a reason.

I worked for a local authority and was in a touchdown area when a social worker came in and had a confidential conversation regarding a family. Although I didn’t know the family their children were in foster care in my village and I knew the carer. I reported the social worker. The conversation should never have taken place if it could be overheard.

Like others I’m astounded at your lack of awareness.

Despite OP's denial, I suspect this is probably a regular thing she does. She conveniently had everything she needed with her to conduct a Zoom meeting.

That suggests to me she wasn't caught on the hop.

She doesn't need insulting, she needs reporting for placing an already vulnerable child at further risk, as does the other foster carer for encouraging and partaking in the behaviour.

To answer your question Op I think it's totally inappropriate to start hunting for someone you only met briefly and don't know her surname.

I think if you want to find contacts and support you can do that separately - surely there are groups/ support groups/ ways for local foster carers to find each other? You could even start a support group ?

This does not make it ANY better.

And the fact that you think this is okay is really concerning.

And what contacting randoms at her company and telling them isn’t public?

are you quite ok? Something is seriously adrift with your thought processes.

Your boundaries are way off, yes it’s weird, but what a huge data risk to hold a meeting in a coffee shop.
Haven’t you ever had information security training at work? If people in Costa can work out your role from your side of the discussion you might be identifiable.

Yeah I wasn't talking about her when I mentioned insulting. Then report her if you have these concerns? What's the point trying to tear someone down in a thread. I assume you have at least reported your concerns to MN.

And this is one of many occasions where you should think ' i don't anything about this so I'm not going to give my completely uninformed and possibly dangerous opinion'.

You don't have to comment on any thread. Let alone ones you admit you know nothing about.

Generally it's not a good idea to give advice on topics you know nothing about, it just makes you look silly.

Bloody hell no dont try and hunt her down... if I was her and you started going through my work you would be getting reported for stalking or harassment it is SO WEIRD!!!!

Hard to believe this is real to be honest with the hunting down as well as holding meeting in Costa. Poor kids

That’s not an option at all. I wouldn’t make it public that she’s a foster carer.

Yes, confidentiality is so important 🙄

It's an AIBU thread. It's not in a specialist section like foster caring. I saw it from an angle of someone trying to get in touch with someone. Not from the foster carer side and what is allowed and what isn't and it didn't ask for that either, so I think I was pretty on topic. I understand though that different perspectives might escape you and you can't imagine anyone thinking differently from yourself.

I know a fair bit about trying to find people and make contact. Yes I didn't clock the foster carer part. I imagine you are pretty perfect in all situations though so that's fantastic for you.

I obviously read it but I didn't see it as a thread about foster caring. I saw someone who lost a number and was trying to find a person. Okay, I will let my employer of my six figure job know tomorrow that my basic comprehension is poor and what should we do about it 😪

I very much have reported this thread, and I would report her in a heartbeat of this wasn't an anonymous forum. If any of the replies get through to her and she reflects on her actions, I would hope that she does the right thing and reports her own data breach, of which the duty lies firmly with her, both under GDPR and the whistle blowing clause within her contract with the LA.

Sure Jan.

Six figure salary
its always a six figure salary

The foster carer bit was in the first line of the post you're responding to - you don't have to be even close to perfect to notice that 😅

To be fair I have a 6 figure salary, theres a decimal point somewhere in there, but it still counts, right? 🤣

Now I just feel sorry for you. I don't think it's about the children for you. You quite seem to enjoy attacking people and insult their intelligence. usually that says something about the person who does it, not the one it's done to. I'm not sure why you had to bring comprehension and illiteracy into this, but I feel you dropped your pants by doing it and it doesn't reflect well on you. I always move on from people like you so that's what I'm going to do.