Relative asking for money

[novemberdaze]

A relative of mine asked me to borrow money. Bear in mind, I've met her twice - the last time being 12 days ago and before that - about 10 years ago when she was a child! (She lives abroad).

She said she would pay it back in a few months and that it was 'urgent' - to the point where she was texting multiple times in a row. What annoyed me is that rather than asking me for a certain amount of money - she asked me 'how much I'd be willing to give her' and kept hinting that the amount of money is 'a lot'. (Which I guess is all relative).

I told my parents (who are old/retired - and have met her multiple times). They are also baffled by her asking 'how much would I be willing to give her'. But they said they don't want it to be a cycle of repeated asks - so it's best not to start 'giving'.

Bear in mind, we all just came back from a trip less than two weeks ago - and everything seemed fine...? We also gave them cash then at the time.

Also, I never gave her my phone number - so she must have asked around for it...!

To make matters worse, her brother (who I've also only met twice) is now texting me too - but pointless crap like those 'good morning' memes and texts saying: 'Hi sisterrrrrr!' (We are not siblings - it's more a term of endearment).

AIBU to say 'no' outright - despite them knowing we obviously have some money to travel (having just seen them all)...?

You handled it well @novemberdaze.

But i did love this
DelphiniumBlue · Today 00:07

Block that grifter.
or say “ funny I was about to ask you the same thing- if you manage to get anything , maybe we could share it? “
Or just laughing emojis.

Sounds like you wont be sending it to her anyway which is absolutely the correct thing to do. Just reminded me of something I heard from a very close source about what some cultures think goes on in this country where money is concerned. Can't really go into detail but they seriously think there are endless pots of cash that we British just don't know what to do with. I guess we are not known as the land of milk and honey for nothing

There is a simple word that applies here and it has two letters…….NO!!!!! Block or be extremely direct, but it’s a no. You will never get it back and they will come again and again.

I remember having some Pakistani neighbours who had relatives like this. They would go back to visit Pakistan and take loads of really nice / expensive stuff to give as presents and be met with disappointment. The relatives really did think that they must be very rich. It was in the 80s and 90s though so no one had a mobile to text on.

Sorry, but where would you be 'borrowing' the money from? Do you mean she asked you to 'lend' her money?

Sounds possible that someone has hacked her phone, and they are pretending to be her. Either way, I wouldn't send money.

I may be assuming or missing something but if it is the cultural norm where they live, to ask for cash from relatives that are perceived to have more wealth, then there’s little point in even replying . I would block them to be honest, unless you feel they would enhance your life in any way . Nope, didn’t think so.

Who did they ask you to borrow money from, or do you mean they asked you to loan them some money?.

Just don't. It does not matter if they are a close relative or not. My dh lent 10K out of our savings to his sister, with my blessings. It was supposed to be for a couple of months. Then genuinely awful things happened to her and 5 years down the line we still have not been repaid. I am now doubting it will ever be repaid. To us it is a huge amount, and I know I agreed (enthusiastically agreed) to lend the money, but the result is that I now hate his sister, his parents and I am afraid I am beginning to hate him too.

If she needs money she can ask immediate relatives. If they wont help theres a reason. Or she can approach her bank, again if they wont loan her money... theres a reason

This.

They are also baffled by her asking 'how much would I be willing to give her'.

The answer is nothing.

They perceive you as relatively affluent in UK and a soft touch. Have you responded at all? If not ignore as if you never received it. If so a simple, no, then block. They will only come back for more and have already exhausted other family members.

I think they seem to think we spend our time in the UK counting our endless cash and drowning in money.... which is obviously so far from reality.

You should have asked her for £5k as you need to cover your flights to her country from your recent trip... 😁

This reminded me of an Indian friend I met travelling. I was going over to see her a few years after meeting and asked if there was anything I could bring. She asked for 3 iPhones and 4 iPads for her family. 😂🫣

what a shameless pair they are, bet he will start asking for money too but as you will hopefully block the pair of them you will never find out. I would be annoyed that someone had shared my phone number without my permission too. As you say OP, it is all weird and more than a bit off

Would you give some money to anyone else of whom you've met just twice? I bet the answer is no!

They've run out of closer relatives to ask so you're next in their sights. CFs.

Block and move on

As well as refusing her request and blocking her number (and her brother's no. too) I would also block their numbers on your parents phones.....chances are they'll be the next in line for this contact.

Well done!

The relative is absolutely bonkers for asking for that amount of money!

shaking down relatives for cash is never acceptable!

Perhaps it's hard to understand the background without knowing the culture, but I think a straightforward 'Sorry I can't lend you anything' would do the trick.

I'm assuming that they are tapping you up for a few quid because they've made the assumption that you are 'rich' or 'have money'? Do they live in a country that is perhaps considered less affluent? These people might be related to you, but they are strangers. You don't know them. You wouldn't give money to a bloke you've met a couple of times down your local pub, so why would you to them??!! I'd block them, and not give it another thought.

these are adults by capitulating you are enabling an unhealthy relationship dynamic
you will not be helping resolve the situation
tell them to seek financial advice from CAB and make sure they have exhausted their options before you consider helping make sure that you are not enabling them to be more financially dependent on other people rather than sorting out their finances for the long term

No.

Then block them.

@pipthomson I don't even think it's as complex/deep as that. It's more of a: 'You live in a 'rich' country - and I don't - so give me some of the money you have' kind of thing for them. They also have no shame in asking.

It's not really about people wanting to sort out their finances long term etc...

Tell her that unlike her you do not own your own home outright, have land or farms to sell in order to release money to give to distant relatives.
Tell her to consider which farm she might sell to release cash if she needs it.