Relative asking for money

[novemberdaze]

A relative of mine asked me to borrow money. Bear in mind, I've met her twice - the last time being 12 days ago and before that - about 10 years ago when she was a child! (She lives abroad).

She said she would pay it back in a few months and that it was 'urgent' - to the point where she was texting multiple times in a row. What annoyed me is that rather than asking me for a certain amount of money - she asked me 'how much I'd be willing to give her' and kept hinting that the amount of money is 'a lot'. (Which I guess is all relative).

I told my parents (who are old/retired - and have met her multiple times). They are also baffled by her asking 'how much would I be willing to give her'. But they said they don't want it to be a cycle of repeated asks - so it's best not to start 'giving'.

Bear in mind, we all just came back from a trip less than two weeks ago - and everything seemed fine...? We also gave them cash then at the time.

Also, I never gave her my phone number - so she must have asked around for it...!

To make matters worse, her brother (who I've also only met twice) is now texting me too - but pointless crap like those 'good morning' memes and texts saying: 'Hi sisterrrrrr!' (We are not siblings - it's more a term of endearment).

AIBU to say 'no' outright - despite them knowing we obviously have some money to travel (having just seen them all)...?

Don't do it!!!!

Not in a million years.

We also gave them cash then at the time.

How much?!

If you've only met them twice, I'd just block them. Problem solved.

I'd write back and say funny you reached out to me. I'm in a tight spot, and was just about to ask if you have any money you could lend me. Looks like we both need to look elsewhere for help.

Cry poor. Any other reason and they will continue to badger you.

Sounds dodgy AF, hard pass

As others have said, this sounds like a scam.

Are you able to contact them by an alternative means to confirm that they have actually asked for money? They may be able to confirm they never contacted you, in which case, it's definitely a scam.

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be"-Shakespeare is always good for a quote.
No excuses are necessary.
I cut off contact with a friend of 23 years because she asked me for money.
I've never understood how folk have the brass neck to request money they haven't earned.

Are they meaning they want hundreds of £s or thousands ? You must have some idea.
You can’t transfer large amounts from a UK bank without the bank asking questions about who it’s to and what it’s for. If you told them you didn’t know what it was for and you don’t know the family recipient, having only met them twice, they would refuse to allow the transfer.
Your parents have just given them money as a customary gift on visiting them in their own country. Sadly, that has given them the expectation that there is more to be had (fleeced) from you.
You need to shut this request for money down quickly and very firmly. And make sure your parent’s money is very secure too. Tell them no, they are mistaken, there is no money to be had from you at all, so stop asking.

I don’t think it’s a scam but more a request from family who happen to live in a rich place called London. I’d have no problem saying no unless they really were living in poverty.

sometimes this isn’t a scam, some cultures have family must share and help each other traditions.

Is she really asking to borrow money? What do you think the chances are of you ever seeing it again? She’s asking you to give her as much money as you have.

And the reason she’s not giving you a number is because she could ask for £1000, when it’s possible that you would have been willing to give her £2000, and then she’s done herself out of £1000.

I would reply to her text and say ‘I’ve thought about it but I’m not in a position to give you any money’. She might be your cousin, but it sounds like she considers you to be a rich and soft Brit, who is too daft to see what she’s up to.

This sounds cultural tbh. Rich relative in foreign country sends money home?

Just send them a message saying that you don’t give money to strangers and that she’s really made you uncomfortable by expecting it.

If they own land they can sell some of it to raise cash. I would suggest they do that and remind them that you are not a landowner with assets you can realise. Tell them you are looking for a loan yourself to pay for your trip.

I know it is a traditional thing in some cultures for relatives who travel to another country to send back money to those at home. However they should be helping themselves if, as you say, they own land and property. They should not be guilting you into being an ATM for them. Your parents are right to refuse as it will begin a cycle of dependency. Often the people in the home country have no idea how expensive it is to live abroad in the west. They have very unrealistic ideas of comparative wealth.

Basically a stranger is asking you for money. Say no and block them.

Just say “no sorry I can’t” don’t bother explaining and avoid visiting them in future. We had similar family members, my dad used to send money, none of us are going to be doing the same. Don’t feel bad, they are basically cheeky fuckers, they should be the ones to feel shame.

Just reply to them both saying that as a matter of principle, you NEVER lend money. Do not start the sentence with "Sorry, but...", you have nothing to apologise for. Then block their numbers. They weren't in touch with you before, it's no loss, and you are not being rude or cruel. Just block them on phone and any social media. Warn other close family members, in case they try it on with them. Just as an aside, are you 100% sure it is them, and not just some random scammer?

I don't know why you would even consider it, obviously no.
Actually just for fun I would message saying no problem, I can send you 96p. Absolute cheeky sod.

Ring and double check it’s really them. Then be firm and say no.

Ask for your money back you lend them. They block you as will never give money back so problem solved

They’ll say yes and still never pay it back. Don’t get into maybes and ifs, just give a hard no.

I wouldn’t go into that detail. No is enough.

You need to urgently talk to your parents about this again. If they have already given them money once then they sound more likely to you to help with a “loan”, I know you said that they don’t want to currently but they could be getting more and more messages

Someone I rarely speak to in my family did the same to me. It was for drugs (I didn’t realise they were a user) I said no thankfullly

The thing with relatives in poorer countries is that visiting family always arrive laden with gifts and dollars, flying over from the Land of Plenty. They hear about the huge salaries and modern bathrooms and kitchens, and think we live like kings. They don't realise that kitchens and bathrooms are considered the very basic here and that earning £30k a year doesn't go far in the UK.
Your relative has no idea of the value of money in the UK, and she doesn't know how much you have, she just knows she wants some, as much as you can spare.
You can either just say no, or you can try explaining. But it will be difficult for her to understand with you earning thousands a month, when she probably earns just a few dollars a day, if that.