WTF is wrong with me?????

[3Sheetstothewind]

OK, I know it is a Saturday night, and yes, I have had a drink (and yes, I probably shouldn’t have with my current state of mind but hey, we can't all be perfect!) - I want to know what the actual fuck is wrong with me.I do not need people. Anyone. I could literally go along with life without the need for interaction more than "small talk" forever, and ever (as long as I have a TV to listen and watch). People drain me. My "friends" drain me, I am there for anyone in a time of need and a very good friend at these times, but I simply cannot sustain it. I have just been diagnosed with ADHD (awaiting medication assessment) - my parents don’t "believe it is a thing", me neither until my daughter was diagnosed. I have spent my whole life (43 years) masking it, pleasing others, acting "normal", the stereotypical "Coca-Cola" bottle popping at home in my safe space. I do not do social media, I cannot deal with constant messages, I don’t even reply to my "friends" WhatsApps until they send shitty messages regarding it, I honestly do not know who my true self is. I simply find life hard, the bills, the washing, the working, the school run, the homework, the SEND, the manchild, the cleaning, the cooking etc. yadda yadda yadda, why can't people understand that I am who I am and I don’t reply, I don’t do social fucking media, I don’t sit on my phone all day - I simply have no room in my head for it. I have a child who is "me" at her age, I kind of resent my parents for their complete ignorance to my behaviours growing up, I was NOT normal and I DID need intervention. Why can’t people just accept me for who I am? I enjoy the occasional social etc. but I cannot deal with being hounded and guilt tripped - I am a private "please others" person and cannot express my issues or feelings to my "friends", I AM ME, I am what I am! I know "how" to act, polite, reply, be there etc. etc. I simply just can't sustain it. I do not have the head room for others. WTF is wrong with me?!

Hey if you have managed this far, well done! I just feel like such a selfish person, but I cannot help it, the older I get, the less I want to please other people. I want to be me. INTERACTION DRAINS ME! Thank you for your time.

Attention seeker

Last last post now because I'm overthinking! It's not because i don't care what my friends are doing, it's just my head is too full and can only acknowledge the important stuff.

Just do you. My friend does this. Always reels me in with more information. My life is a mess. We have drifted. I don't know what I'm doing. Always after we have had a long chat. Or if she's me out she about with another friend. Shes very jealous. Enough with the posts. You've got your validation. We aren't changing our opinions. No more drama plz

I think I’m audhd. I empathise with much of what you say. In fact I was thinking today I haven’t been out of my house for a week or spoken to anyone except my son apart from walking dog. I like being on my own like this. I find WhatsApp messaging stressful n a group I’m in accept I don’t reply much. The art of autism linked above was interesting. The one about not knowing what you look like is a real problem I’ve had - very interesting. There are so many things which have made my life very hard. I wonder if I’ll write Xmas cards and leave them in my bag till Jan, if they get written at all.

I think most of how people behave depends on their environment and the modern digital world is increasingly isolating for everyone.
I'm very wary of the current trend of diagnosing anyone who is not an extrovert or who has difficulty concentrating as having ADHD or being on the autism spectrum. Both of these diagnoses have been expanded so much over the past few decades that soon everyone will be diagnosed with one or the other or both. Big Pharma loves medicalising normal human behaviours because that increases the bottom line. They happily go along with the lie that boys can be girls and vice versa because that drives growth which keeps their shareholders happy.

Thing is, if you never put yourself out to respond to people they’ll eventually get fed up as they’re not getting anything from you to make it worth their effort continuing the friendship and they’ll stop / leave. Which might be fine with you. But it’s a bit harsh to pretend to be friends with someone and secretly hate and resent every interaction with them while they’re trying and wondering why you don’t care enough to respond to them. People aren’t toys you get to just put down until you’re interested again or can be bothered with. Relationships are like plants you have to feed and water to keep alive. Up to you if that’s worth it for you and you’d rather be alone but be careful because if you’re totally selfish about it you really will end up alone so make sure that’s actually what you want.

"Nobody knows about much in my life unless it is good. Just want to get that one straight"

There is no authentic relationship with someone with whom you interact on this basis. It is not suprising that you find false relationships incredibly draining when there is no intimacy and only role-playing. Try just simply being honest with those who claim to care about you.

Just don't have friends then? It seems like a solvable issue. As it is, it sounds like (apologies if I've got this wrong) you are being hurtful and being hurt at the same time. It's only you that can change this.

I'm also AuDHD and agree with this.

The micro-adjustments that need to made to present a face to the world can become absolutely exhausting.

Really

Excellent post - articulates very well what I was thinking but didn’t know how to express

You do you. But just try learn as much as you can about yourself and how you can communicate what you need so to preserve your relationships.

There's nothing wrong, I'd guess you're busy, a bit overwhelmed and just someone who needs to recharge on their own.
I'm like that, but I am single and live a lone. I can, more or less, get through a day of meetings, but then come home and flop.

I still need friends and family, and enjoy their company, but can't deal with too much.

Over the years I've learned to acknowledge messages and respond, but it is a learned thing and doesn't come entirely naturally.

I think it's called being an introvert, but no need to medicalise.

Also mid40’s, late diagnosed ADHD, probably perimenopausal - definitely understand how you are feeling.

for me, I’m now too exhausted to mask all the time, so people who’ve known me for years, but only ever saw me “masked” have really noticed a change - some
of them are cool with it, we are finding a new way of connecting, some of them find it hard - time will tell which friendships make it through. I’ll be sad if some fizzle out, but I can’t keep trying to be someone I’m not anymore.

Of all OP’s posts, this is the one that struck me the post - particularly this: “you have to invest some time to build a network to have it there when sh*t hits the fan”.

Basically, OP is stating she is happy to be a loner and happily would not put into a friendship - but recognises she has to for when she needs them - but otherwise has no interest in her ‘friends’.

In another post, she comments on a ‘friend’s’ likely not particularly interesting dinner video clip:
“Quite frankly, I couldn't give a fuck!” And whilst doubtless we’ve all been the recipients of some unremarkable and dull photos etc from our friends, I suspect OP’s not giving a fuck and only ‘investing’ effort with them because she’ll likely want something from them later is apparent to her ‘friends’ and that she’s comes across as a user - ie picking them up and discarding them as and when she needs them.

It’s fairly unremarkable to be self centred/selfish, an introvert and with a diagnosed health condition - just that the first needs to be owned as well as the second two

I do wonder how all these people who say they have severe social difficulties manage to marry and have kids...honestly OP you sound completely normal and like every other parent who decided friends are unnecessary now you've got your little "family unit" you're invested in. Spare a thought for the people who with no amount of "masking" will ever get to have what you have.

Isn't this how most women are? It sounds completely normal to me.

I think you’re an introvert like me. I enjoy my own company and the companionship of my pets. Everyone else I can take in smaller doses.

Now that I’m retired, divorced and living alone, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. This is how I am and there’s nothing wrong with it.

It isn't normal but it also isn't unheard of. I'm autistic, I dont think you can rule it out by saying you are able to emphasise with others as I am extremely empathetic.

I also find maintaining friendship communication exhausting and sometimes too much. Even when it is minor. But I have to accept if I have this lack of communication then I can't expect others to stick around. They got other more normal means to get their social interactions. I'm lucky to have a couple of low maintenance friendships that I speak to or see every couple of months. But other than that I have been sad to see friendships go after finishing working together or simular, as I'm shit at communication.

I have a close family and love spending time with them. But after a day I'm totally worn out and exhausted. I hate being like this but can't change. I have recieved a Facebook. Message from a friend i had such a laugh with when we worked together, just asking how are you, back the end of Aug but for some stupid reason did not reply

It doesn't sound like you want noone to stick around from your posts. It sojnd like you want them to stay despite shitty communication. Sorry but it just don't work. There may be some gems that do stay but you have to accept if you don't act in a way to maintain the relationships then they will fade

The thing is, is that's really outdated and is not something that personally applies to me. Autism is a spectrum, and different people experience different things, but none of the autistic people I know are "auto". They very much care about other people, but in their own ways.

My sister is like this.
She hardly ever replies to calls or messages, which is kinda annoying because I always reply to her calls.and texts.so.it would be nice if she did try a bit harder
However, I've made peace with it and I know she isn't doing it on purpose.
It does mean I have to be way more
accomdiating tho.

I am autistic and cannot cope with people for long.Less is more. I avoid phone calls with friends preferring WhatsApp emails or facebook. Phone calls to my mind are very draining.

Guess we are all different.

What do you mean 'auto'?

Being Autistic in no way whatsoever means you don't care about other people.

That's narcissism...

i have a lot of female autism in my family and you have traits.

autism is a spectrum and it presents very differently in females