Have I ruined the last “magic” xmas

[Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread]

For the first time I’m massively financially struggling this year. I’m worrying week to week about putting food on the table. This is a real first for me and it has been a very sudden and drastic change after losing my business suddenly in the summer (whole other story).

my eldest is 6. I’m worried this may be the last Xmas of them believing (according to a quick google search average is 7). This Xmas is going to be very different to what they’re used to. I’ve got nothing booked, usually we’d do light displays, theatre, Xmas days out and attractions etc. I feel sick with guilt and worry. Next year I’m planning on bouncing back and I’m already trying to plan for next Xmas, thinking Lapland to bring back magic. My worry is, is this the last Xmas of them truly believing? What age did your dc stop believing?

thanks for getting this far

You have muddled Christmas magic with mass consumerism.
the magic of Christmas is the traditions that are special to your family.
not paying for every event that’s happening in the local area .

For children with loving, involved parents Christmas will always be magic. As someone who grew up in a very poor household in the 1960s we had very little of the Christmas extras we have now and it was still magical.

What made it magical was my parents being excited, sparkly lights, Christmas stockings that only contained tiny things (a satsuma, selection box, book, new crayons) but they were all mine. Santa had bought them for me and I didn't have to share.

When my own DC were little in the nineties we were super hard up - we lived in an old house that needed constant maintenance plus a big mortgage with a 15% interest rate. That meant a lot of their presents were second hand or Primark bargains. I felt we were letting them down they didn't know any different and they speak of those Christmases with so much love and nostalgia.

Nowadays DH and I are pretty comfortable financially. We could treat our adult DC to anything they wanted but they don't want stuff anymore. What they want is the old days - a tree, fairy lights all over the house, lots of chocolate, a family dinner that goes on for hours followed by games and karaoke. The best bits of all are the early mornings and late nights when it's just our core group in ancient Christmas pjs hanging out and having fun.

When my nieces were small they got so much stuff for Christmas, one year the eldest asked for a ' dolly in a basket', this was last minute and all big gifts had been bought. My Dsis found one for £1.99 and you'd better believe it was the favourite gift😅 Dn said 'mammy I've got a happy Christmas now with my dolly in a basket' . Christmas is about making magical memories, Niece is almost 50 and I can remember this like it was yesterday.

My dc believed until they were 10-11 and I broke the news before they went to high school. Anyway it’s not about that and you have had some brilliant suggestions and what everyone is saying about the little things is so true. I remember my childhood 1970s Christmases which were very simple but still exciting.

So you are so poor that you can't afford to go to see some Christmas lights, but you are planning Lapland next year? Isn't that the absolutely most expensive thing you could ever do on Christmas? You can visit Christmassy places and get presents from charity shops cheaply without it messing with the magic of Christmas. It's the attitude that makes the biggest difference. Would you say you are bad with money? The Lapland thing indicates you are.

My eldest believed until he was 10.

I'm sorry things are so tough for you at the moment.

My son was 10 when he stopped believing so you probably have a while yet.

When I was growing up, we didn't do light trails etc (don't think they were a thing in the 80s/90s) and most things we did were at home but I have very fond memories of Christmas.

I would look at free or very cheap things to do.

*Local lights switch on/go round a garden centre to see the Christmas displays - my son still likes doing this at 12!

*Have a Christmas film night. If you can, buy him some cheap sweets/popcorn to have with it. Or, instead of a cooked tea, make sandwiches etc and have it as a picnic.

*Go to a family service at your local church - they often have activities for kids and free tea/coffee for adults. You don't have to be of faith to attend.

*Use things he already has to do Christmas crafts.

*Play board games he already has - he will value your time more than anything.

There are two lovely services that churches of most denominations off at Christmas. Christingle and the Crib Service. They will set the scene for the real reason for Christmas. Be a nice idea if you could join in with a group going Carol Singing. School will have activities too so don't worry about things too much. Making your own decorations with the children is always worth it. There are some super simple ideas on PINTEREST, I investigated a visit to see Father Christmas with my Great Grand - girls, 5 and 7 years old.SO ridiculous as the cheapest was £15 per child!!! Look out for Bazaars and Fetes where there are often visits to Santa. It's not the money that makes Christmas its the traditions you establish yourself, like opening an advent calendar, [they don't have to have chocolates in them!!]

If the last year of believing is 6 the workd is in a worse state than I ever thought!!! 9/10/11 op- a 7 yo not believing seems ridiculous!!!! Oh and I once saw someone say Christmas is really all about family, good tv, a tub of celebrations and board games. We’ve done Christmas when we could barely afford anything, was no different to any other!!

You have been sucked into consumerism if you believe the only way to make Christmas magic is by attending these big organised events. Kids enjoy the small things, putting up the tree, Christmas films, decorations, baking, looking at lights, garden centres, they don't need these big days out to be happy.

Firstly, you can have a lovely Christmas without all those paid activities - most didn’t even exist when my dc were 6. Instead look for details of houses that are decorated, make hot chocolate and drive around looking at them. Take them to a Christingle service at your local church (usually mid December) or the crib service (tea time on Christmas Eve) whilst they appreciate a modest donation, if you can’t afford it you don’t have to pay anything. Look at see what free activities are in your community, switch ons, singing around the Christmas tree, activities in local halls.

The memories are really not about money. Making cookies together before a film, going on walks to see Christmas signs, playing games with the grandparents-that's what they really remember. Look at the decorations ordinary people had in the past (the super rich probably always had fancier), and the children were just as enthralled.

Mine are 15 and 18 and as far as I know, they still believe 🤣.

I have wonderful memories of my childhood Christmases but no-one ever did anything that cost money in those days apart from a department store Father Christmas.

Just reiterating others' posts, but go for a walk and look at everyone’s lights, hot chocolate and marshmallows when you get back. A Christingle service on Christmas Eve, a local carol service, track Santa on Norad, make decorations and Christmas biscuits. Make a gingerbread house, or a chocolate house. Make your own crackers and choose some pound shop gifts to fit in them. And leave a mince pie and Brussels sprouts out on Xmas Eve.

Honestly, so much you can do that barely costs anything. Enjoy!

Can I just say Christmas was magical to me as a child. I didn’t do anything, didn’t even go see Father Christmas. My mum hated me and was a terrible person, but it was magical because I’d spend it with my Nana. She was everything to me. She made it amazing for me just by being the wonderful woman she was. I cry every Christmas because I’d give anything to spend one more day with her. I’m crying now typing this. Point is Christmas doesn’t need to be all about getting/doing stuff. It’s about the people you spend it with.

Exactly. You don’t need to spend lots of money. The magic is in shared excitement and genuine family experiences ( not at Lapland).
We used to do little notes from Santa, in fancy writing with the edges singed ( pirate style) left in the fireplace or the garden.

We planned and then made treats for Santa and to give to relatives and neighbours on our special Christmas baking day!
Hand delivered our homemade Christmas cards to people.
Make Christmas presents for the birds- seed cakes etc to put outside.
Tour in the car of local house decorations/ lights.
Endless watching of films like bloody Nativity, Christmas Chronicles and Arthur Christmas.
Local farmers tractor runs are always good. Village church nativity service is lovely.
Make paper chains and other decorations at home. Also made compulsory Christmas hats to be worn on the day .
Make your own traditions, this is the magic !

We still believe. My son & I will still stuff ourselves with food, drink all day (he is 49) & watch telly. I feel desperately sorry that you feel so bad about Xmas - you shouldn't have to, it's about being together & having at least one day of having a big larf. Big hugs & know this - your kids will remember what you actually do, not what you wish you could do & that's almost always better x

I didn't do any of that stuff as a child except go to the pantomime and I always thought Christmas was really magical. Even just seeing the town lights felt special at the time. Here they have free carols in the park and stuff like that.
You can make Christmas Eve special by following Santa's journey, laying food out for him and the reindeer etc, watching a nice Christmas movie and playing games.
I can't quite remember the exact age mine stopped believing but I do remember it was a gradual thing where they questioned the possibility of his existence but still anticipated his arrival! As a child I remember fully not believing, but still coming downstairs in the morning to see if the presents were there and it feeling truly magical.

There are so many things you can do from baking to 25 day count down ‘treasure hunts’ around the house .. my son and I hardly had a penny and honesty we had the best times just making things up to do.

Hrft. Am sorry you are having tough time financially but from personal recollection and current experience kids prefer time over money. Of course you may be struggling for time too but doing what you can to make quality parent time will win more parent points than spending money you don't need to.

We are restricted by time, money, and illness (all connected) but DC would rather be at home with sick parent than dancing round a fake snowman..

At christmastime there is always só much to do that costs nothing or next-to-nothing! Especially for children as young as yours! Like christmas markets, choir singing, all the lights......just add lots of hot chocolate and gingerbreadmen 😋 But anyway, mine were 8 (the first one) and nearly 7 (my wise-ass second one) but they're still very much into the holidays 😊

DS is 9- very much still believes. Also believes that I’m personal friends with the big man through work. 😂

The magic of Christmas really isn’t about extravagant days out for us. Our favourite festive things are:

• Christmas tree festival at the local church- a couple of quid donation, but it could be free
• Going to John Lewis to buy one special new bauble each year. I budget £10-15. That’s the only decoration I’ll buy most years. We do go for lunch after at our favourite chinese restaurant, (about £50), but that’s very much an optional extra.
• Going to the allotment/ woods to look for a special fallen branch to hang in the window (we paint it and turn it into a window display with dried oranges and twig stars and things) - usually spend a couple of quid on oranges!
• Christmas tree decorating - I do buy a small fresh potted tree every 2 years or so, and keep it alive for as long as I can- so about £40-50 every other year
• Going for a walk to see the Christmas lights around the village - free
• the Christmas tree switch on and carol singing at our village hall- free
• Ice Skating- this is £20, but i think it’s the only real “paid for” activity we do

I tend to spread these out over the advent weekends, so we always have one or two Christmassy things to do each weekend- but I reckon I spend maybe… £150?… on activities all month, including buying the Christmas tree.

I’ve just had a think back and here are my favourite Christmas childhood memories:

Making cards with my grandma.
Looking through my grandparents old decs and picking my favourite ones.
Taking part in my school Christmas play.
Baking and crafts with my great gran.
Going for walks around the village to see the lights.

I’ve also asked my (teen) kids, their most magical memories are:

The time we went for a forest walk through the Christmas trees.
Going shopping to a market/garden centre and choosing one new tree dec each every year, then looking back at the ones from previous years.
Christmas Crackers
Making extra fancy hot chocolate each Christmas Eve and looking for FC while drinking it.
Having family and friends over.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Your kids just want to spend time with you.

Bake
Make Christmas pictures on paper plates with tinsel and glitter
Have a picnic dinner on the floor with a Christmas movie and hot chocolate
Go for a walk and look at all the Christmas lights

My son ends up more excited about the above mentioned stuff than planned activities (he's 5.5)

I stopped literally believing in Santa when I was 5. I still loved and got excited about Christmas! I think a lot of parents overthink this and obsess far too much about 'magic' when it's the simple things that lots of children remember.

I found driving around looking at lights boring and hated having to queue for ages to see 'Santa' in the shops. I have delightful memories of decorating the Christmas tree and putting up our Nativity scene, singing carols, making a Christingle, watching Christmas movies on TV together, the year it snowed and we played outside, visiting cousins on Boxing Day, a family joke about an annually regifted Smurf cassette... lots of things that don't cost a lot or require huge effort!

Xmas magic is free. You can make new traditions at any time.
You can do lots of low cost things throughout December.
Decorating the tree/house whilst listening to Xmas songs or watching a Xmas movie. Have hot chocolate and cheap cookies.
Get new PJ's and slippers if you can afford them one of the weekends to get cosy in and watch a Xmas film
Go for winter walks in the early evening to see local houses lit up.
At weekends if you have time just go for winter walks all wrapped up and then go home for hot chocolate and snuggle on the sofa under blankets.
Look out for free events at local libraries and local light switch ons.
Xmas neednt be expensive most of the happy memories are about time spent together rather than money spent.
My kids love a Xmas eve breakfast which is just a normal breakfast but with chocolate coins.
Then at bath time they get a new toothbrush, new PJ's and reindeer food to sprinkle on the lawn before bed. (Porridge oats) Nothing fancy. You don't need an all singing dancing Xmas eve box you don't even need to do as I do.
You can do Xmas on a tight budget and it still be amazing.