Have I ruined the last “magic” xmas

[Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread]

For the first time I’m massively financially struggling this year. I’m worrying week to week about putting food on the table. This is a real first for me and it has been a very sudden and drastic change after losing my business suddenly in the summer (whole other story).

my eldest is 6. I’m worried this may be the last Xmas of them believing (according to a quick google search average is 7). This Xmas is going to be very different to what they’re used to. I’ve got nothing booked, usually we’d do light displays, theatre, Xmas days out and attractions etc. I feel sick with guilt and worry. Next year I’m planning on bouncing back and I’m already trying to plan for next Xmas, thinking Lapland to bring back magic. My worry is, is this the last Xmas of them truly believing? What age did your dc stop believing?

thanks for getting this far

@HeyThereDelila thats quite a dramatic order! Why not fgs.
Why so keen to perpetuate a lie? Presumably you arent happy if your kids tell lies?
My eldest asked for the truth when he was five, I told him. He said “yeah I thought so, makes sense” and carried on playing. No big deal. He was pleased to know there was no stranger coming into the house on Christmas Eve. It was reassuring.
Christmas “magic” doesn’t need lies.

My DD is 10 (yr 5) and still believes in Santa, as do her friends, although they are starting to ask more questions so I suspect this might be our last year.

Love this and completely agree!!

In reality if the go to a multi cultural school at least one of their class mates will have told them, even 25 years ago this was the case. Often children pretend they don’t know as they think they won’t get presents.

DS8 shows no sign of not believing yet, and is as excited as ever. When you said last magic Christmas I thought they might be 10 or 11- you have loads of magic time left don't worry! Anyway lots of Christmas magic can be had for free or cheap- we have a local Santas grotto thats £6.50 a child. There are some free Christmas craft activities on in the local museum and library. And you can do the baking cookies/ christmas movies at home for cheap. My kids love making paper chains to decorate. I'm sure there will be the usual celebration things at school and any clubs like brownies they go too. At 6 the most magic thing you can give them is your time. 6 is the age I first read the Christmasaurus chapter book to my son and he loved it- we did a bit every night through December. You can pick up copies cheaply second hand if you are budgeting.

My children have never particularly cared about any of the Christmas themed days out, lights shows, theatre I’ve taken them to. Consequently we’re doing none of that this year (they’re 7 and 10) and will enjoy decorating the tree, eating mince pies, and listening to Christmas songs in the run up to Christmas. I appreciate every child is different but I don’t think these expensive Christmas activities are that great

I noticed last year that the expensive flashy light up etc presents don’t get played with (my kids are 2,4 and 6). Things they do play with are stuff like play dough, paints, crafts, blocks etc which are cheap and you could go to second hand shops for bigger stuff, your 6 year old is not going to notice if it’s new or not. This year I’m getting my kids to make presents for extended family instead of buying stuff. I got some baggies and bows of Amazon and some clay and paints and my kids are going to make little hanging decorations, and also cookies/cakes etc. They will love it, it’s a lot cheaper than buying lots of stuff, plus im going to get the elf to bring the supplies so a few days of not having to worry about what to do with him 😆. I don’t know about your area about here there is lots of free/cheap Christmas events.

I’m intentionally scaling back this year, not really for financial reasons. When I think back to my own childhood, there was such a big emphasis on material things - I would wake up on Christmas Day to a literal mound of presents that would take me hours to unwrap. My daughter isn’t really one for things, she’d much rather hang out with me or make something. So this year for her main present I’ve made her an arts and crafts trolley. I know she’ll be delighted with it, and it’s something that we can do together. Over the holidays we will create something, drink hot chocolate and watching cheesy Christmas films in the background. Connection over consumption is the way forward.

Loved this. Very similar to my favourite memory of Christmas as a child which is sitting and looking at the Christmas tree with my older brother, at night time, all the lights in the house switched off and just the fairy lights switched on on the tree. I found the effect of those little coloured lights, throwing up shadows of the branches of the tree, so magical (still do). And the quiet as everything slowed down. I think the magic will come from you slowing down. Have a few things to do that you don’t normally do, but they can be inexpensive or free things as PPs have suggested. You will be fine and I’m sure your kids will have a lovely Christmas.

I absolutely agree. Your kid will not care, OP. At six he primarily wants some stuff he can play with, he will have no idea how much it costs, and a lovely day with you. Maybe some playdates. That's the magic.

My kid is 7, she worked out Father Christmas last year and still loves Christmas. I hate this idea that the magic ends when they work out that Father Christmas isn't real. It's not true.

I love these ideas and all the others on here. I completely agree that the magic of Christmas doesn’t need to cost much. I can’t wait to do some of these things with my child.

I was a broke lone parent when my DC were young enough to believe in the whole Christmas bit
I saved for big presents and bought second hand and charity shop for others
We did a lot of crafts, baking and home made stuff
Enjoyed the run up to Christmas with free stuff like lights switch on - visiting garden centres - going to Carol concerts etc
I asked my adult DC recently about their memories and one said best one was foraging for twigs and holly to make home made decorations - the other said it was going late night shopping with hot chocolate and seeing the lights etc

One of my (now adult) DCs favourite Christmassy memories is when we used to go out to look at the lit up houses and came home to hot chocolate and a sparkler in the garden. It was the excitement of being outside, later than usually allowed and in the dark.

Loads of their best memories are of the free/cheaper stuff we did and the ‘unmanufactured’ fun. Just being together and doing nice things - baking, decorating biscuits, making paper chains and snowflakes etc - is what counts. Small children have very simple needs and it’s only consumerism that makes us think we need to be doing more and spending more. Of course they’d enjoy this as well but they will not miss what they’ve not had/done.

Same with us. We’re a family of Father Christmas sceptics, but still put out mince pies for Santa. We don’t put presents under the tree until people have gone to bed on Christmas Eve ( which is increasingly difficult now the kids are 25, 27 and 28, so that tends to happen just before people get up on Christmas Day.). There’s real magic in the air when we all see the tree on Christmas Day morning for the first time. Never had to have the “is Father Christmas real?” conversation, because we’ve never spun this myth.

I blame social media for you feeling that your Christmas won't be magical and needing Lapland to restore the magic next year.
It's so easy to get sucked in when you see photos of friend, but now mostly influencers doing all these extra activities. The ones I like the most are the ones who are not paid to do an experience and can add their honest thoughts. I was sad to not have done Lapland UK and dithered a lot over whether to book last year before deciding it was a ridiculous amount of money and that actually my children would see through the story and it would make them question things more. I also saw an influencer actually state this on their post saying that they went on a lower cost day and that if they had paid more they would have been disappointed and that they wouldn't do it again.
Mine are older and still 'pretend' they don't know that Santa isn't real, I am not entirely sure with my 9 year old but the 11 year old definitely goes along for me.

As others have suggested there are lots of low cost things to do. My 11 year old is excited about a hot choc with cream and marshmallows on Xmas eve. We will walk round the neighbour to look at Christmas lights. There is a free carol service in town we will attend. Christmas dinner is basically a glorified roast, buy a chicken and just add the extras (Aldi and Lidl have already announced they will drop the price of veg) or do picky bits/buffet (I desperately wanted to do this like a friend does but one child says we have to have a roast 🙄).
Look in charity shops for decorations if you don't have any from last year.
Also look at rotary club and chairs organisations for Santa visits. These are often low cost. We have one where the children get a little bag of sweets and it's pay what you can afford.

I am sorry life is a financial struggle for you just now.
I am also sad that people feel so pressured to constantly create magic for their children ..... usually in the form of material goods.
There will be free ways of sharing fun.....make Christmassy things together, walk round the town lights .....
I am more concerned about the pressure you are feeling than the idea that your child might be missing out.
You don't have to go to Lapland to have a good Christmas!

Do you know what the most magical thing is that we do at Christmas? The Christingle service at our local church. We're not particularly religious but we go on Christmas Eve every year, my now teenagers still want to go every year (I suggested we didn't go last year and there was mutiny 😂) the anticipation of going up and collecting your Christingle, then they turn the lights off, light the candles and sing silent night, it almost brings me to tears every years, it's genuinely so magical.

We have never spent a fortune at Christmas, we do the local town Christmas light switch on, the Christmas fair at the church hall, sometimes the very small Christmas market in our town, I pay £4 for them to see Santa.

Hard news: Magic isn’t real.

I'm almost 63 and have never done anything on your list, but still find it a magical time of year. Throwing money at Christmas doesn't somehow make it magical. Helping my mother in the kitchen on Christmas Eve, walking with my father around the local streets in the evenings, bundled up in a warm coat and scarf, looking at everyone's Christmas trees, going to a carol service, all these are the memories.

Portable north pole website does a free personalised video from santa and is lovely and definitely worth doing. Walk and see local lights, Christmas film, bake, make a gingerbread house. We never did big days out but the magic was always there. Really sorry you are struggling.

7 is ridiculously young. My DC were at least 10 before they stopped believing all together, some scepticism at 9. My 7 yo definitely believes!

Christmas isn’t about the money spent, I fear we have lost the actual message of it over the years of rampant commercialism (particularly since the 80s). You can find free or inexpensive things to do. Make salt dough decorations, do some baking, make Christmas cards, go see a Christmas light switch on, read some Christmas books at the library, search for free events in your area.

Also, you don’t have to be a Christian to attend things like carol services and Christingle are free and really fun. And if you drive, one of my favourite things to do as a child was to go see people’s extravagant light displays.

You really don’t need to spend megabucks on rip off Santa visits to keep the magic and spirit alive.

My sons were 10/11 when they stopped believing so I honestly wouldn’t worry. You can still create lots of magic without a big budget! Baking, making ornaments, Christmas books etc. We used to get in the car and drive round looking at all the displays people used to put on and the kids loved it. Christmas Eve we used to track Santa on the web, get cosy, watch Christmas films etc.
While a trip to Lapland etc is lovely it’s really not what Christmas is about imo

If you do make Magic Reindeer Food don't put glitter in it, this is toxic to birds who are the ones who will end up eating it.
We used to take ours to fed reindeer in a local visitor centre they sold little bags of appropriate food for the DC to give them.
Christmas bedding - if you don't want the whole thing get a fleece blanket . Lovely and snuggly .
Lots of really good ideas on here.
My DD is 23 now and she always loves the whole build up to Christmas and the days spent with family. Then a few days to relax.
My DS is 26 and a proper little Bah Humbug but enjoys Christmas dinner and ££ which is fine by me,I'd rather not spent on things he doesn't want.

Neither went to Lapland but we did do Steam Train Santa Rides

I have been a single parent for years, in my skinter days I never had enough to do half the things you are talking about unless my parents treated us and I think my children still had amazing Christmas's. I honestly believe that Christmas magic is created by you as a parents. As others have said its putting the decorations up, christmas baking, walking through the lights, being with family, creating Christmas traditions and a sense of excitement with all the stuff at school on the run up to Christmas when there at primary school.
Both of my teenage children love Christmas and even if they don't believe are happy to go along with it all. I had some awful Christmas's with my ex and vowed to make there Christmas calm, happy and consistent.
I actively avoid quite a lot of the stuff you have mentioned, that's not Christmas, that's just throwing money at it. If you can't make Christmas magic happen without them you need to have a rethink on what's important to you.