Have I ruined the last “magic” xmas

[Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread]

For the first time I’m massively financially struggling this year. I’m worrying week to week about putting food on the table. This is a real first for me and it has been a very sudden and drastic change after losing my business suddenly in the summer (whole other story).

my eldest is 6. I’m worried this may be the last Xmas of them believing (according to a quick google search average is 7). This Xmas is going to be very different to what they’re used to. I’ve got nothing booked, usually we’d do light displays, theatre, Xmas days out and attractions etc. I feel sick with guilt and worry. Next year I’m planning on bouncing back and I’m already trying to plan for next Xmas, thinking Lapland to bring back magic. My worry is, is this the last Xmas of them truly believing? What age did your dc stop believing?

thanks for getting this far

Tune into channel 5 every afternoon.the xmas schmaltz does not need lapland. Your time attention and simple crafts etc will be more than magical

My eldest was telling me nice things she remembered from her childhood. One of them was me buying her the occasional gingerbread man for her from the local bakery with her. Cost about one euro or so! Kids remember you doing things with them! And these things don't have to cost a bomb!

I dunno, I have the most wonderful Christmas memories and we were dirt poor. Drive to an area you know have great lights, bake some Christmas cookies and then watch a Christmas film, let them decorate the tree while you play Christmas songs, do some Christmas crafts, attend a free carol service.

I'm sure they will still have a magical Christmas. Kids want our time and attention, not money.

Ahh mine still want santa ro come are 7 and 12. Although the 12 year old hasnt believed for about 2 year, he plays along.
You have plenty of years left I reckon.
Have you got any money for bits to unwrap. Pound shop are great for stuff to bulk out the presents like a colouring book and pens or a squishy. And facebook market place. I got some new lego sets on there a few christmases ago. We got a batman bike for 15 quid and i fixed it up with some plack touch up paint a few years ago too. Charity shops for a puzzle and a few books.
You domt have to spend a lot!!

I don’t understand your reasoning.
What have the theatre and light displays got to do with believing in Father Christmas?

Just do the usual - letter up the chimney, mince pie, cherry and a carrot left out, fill the stocking with the best treats you can afford, and Bob’s your uncle?

Honestly the word “magic” in relation to Christmas is just so overdone it’s just urrgh.

Utter consumerism. Christmas is about winding down, time together, bake/cook/look at lights, open some presents. Nobody needs to go to Lapland, no “magic” resides in “experiences” in Santa’s drawing room for £29.99.

Even if we had money to burn I dont think I could justify Lapland! We are going to Centre Parcs for 4 nights in January and it's actually cheaper!
I saw on social media (I know) someone saying that as they got older they realised the magic of Christmas was just a parent who loved them and wanted to make it special. If you are over stretching yourself your children will pick up on the stress.

My LO (nearly 4) and DNephew (just 5) have worked out amongst themselves that Santa isn’t real, it happened a few weeks ago and both of them are absolutely certain. It’s quite cute actually, I’m not sad about it. Fingers crossed neither of them spill to their friends.

I vaguely remember telling my mum Santa Claus wasn’t real, and neither was the tooth fairy or Easter bunny. I was probably 5/6.

On the other hand I have a young second cousin, still absolutely convinced Santa is as real as you or I. He is 10!

It can vary greatly. I think how much you lean into it and take it seriously yourself has an effect. SIL and I love the holidays but don’t really focus on the Santa aspect, the wrapping paper is out and we’ve done Christmas shopping with the kids. They’re clever enough to connect the dots and we didn’t lie because they were proud of themselves for figuring it out. We could’ve doubled down and defended Santa's honour, if it was more important to us, to keep that part of the magic alive.

nonsense OP

can you make Christmas decorations with your children? Go for a walk in the woods and get greenery for the house? Decorate the house? Make hot chocolate and sing carols? Go for a walk to see Christmas lights?

Can you afford some presents for each? At their age the do not need to be expensive.

Watch a Christmas movie on Christmas Day and have some games ready.

no need to go to Lapland

There is plenty to do that is low cost. An evening walk to see lights in people’s gardens, local garden center lights, Christmas crafts, Christmas film nights, baking. Also, when it comes to writing a Christmas list I have also gently guided my DD towards certain things. It’s fine to say Father Christmas doesn’t bring PS5s or iPads or super expensive Lego etc.

Also, sorry to hear you’ve lost your business and I sincerely hope you are able to get back on track within the year but even if you are doing well don’t feel like you need to make up for is or go bigger and better. Lapland sounds fantastic don’t get me wrong but not within 18 months of losing your business.

For what it’s worth my DD is 10 and still believes. My plan has always been to keep the myth of Santa simple. He generally brings 3 or 4 reasonable gifts plus stocking. DD gets a couple of gifts from us too.

Thank you so very much for all your replies. I’ve taken some great ideas and it’s reassuring to know I may have a few Christmases left of believing. It’s just so shit I can’t believe I’m in this situation

Op, they are all different! My dc still believes at 8, and understands thay everyone has different beliefs (e.g incase a nother kid at school says something). I always think the younger one finds out sooner sadly as they believe their sibling, even if you do walk it back.

Honestly just driving looking at lights, Christmas crafts (cards, tree decs, reindeer food etc), and festive baking - decorations cookies, winter walks, christmas museums/markets. There are so many things you can do for almost free, or very cheaply.

Oh and edited to say that if it makes you feel any better, we paid a bomb for a Christmas activity last year, and everyone bloody hated it. They're more excited at the thought of driving around looking at lights. It is the whole playing with the huge cardboard box, and not the toy scenario. Kids are happy with the small things that we think they won't be; it is us grown ups that make a fuzz trying to create a perfect Disney Christmas! You've got this op, and things will bet better!

My eldest is 6. Her favourite memories apparently are when father Christmas comes round the village on the back of a truck and evening walks to see what everyone's Christmas lights are on neighbours houses. We've done local light shows and panto but it's the free things that she remembers the most.

No one hasd mentioned Norad tracks santa. https://www.noradsanta.org/en/#section-village. Live updates as Santa delivers gifts

The thing is, OP, that you are broke now - and I'm really sorry - that must be incredibly stressful, but you are already thinking of spending loads of money on a holiday next year. Wouldn't it be better to build up a saving fund so that you have a safety net?

I understand your worries OP but I can promise you that the magic and memories don't come from spending a lot of money. I have 5 adult children and we did lots of Christmas stuff, sometimes cheap, sometimes free, sometimes expensive and the stand out moments rarely happens at the expensive things. Favourite pantomimes are the local theatre ones as opposed to the professional ones. Seeing all the light displays outside of local houses. Going to A&E one boxing day and getting a present from Santa, the P.T.A grotto at school where Santa asked one of their friends what they wanted for Xmas and friend answered Turkey. Making gingerbread houses. The year that every single cracker mum pulled she only got the short bit and lastly the infamous (and embarrassing ) year we played one of those daft stocking filler games where you wore inflatable antlers and had to try and catch inflatable holly wreaths on them. When it was mum's turn as I moved to catch the wreath I accidentally farted that will never be forgotten.

Mine believed until 11, the summer before he went to high school. My daughter broke the spell as ‘he couldn’t possibly go to secondary believing in Santa’. He had no doubts and we live in multi-cultural London so loads of kids have never believed. Today we have put up the tree, had a warm mince pie and watched elf (no other free days in December to do it). Expense was the mulled wine for me!

I LOVE the sound of your Christmases. Bloody lovely.

We’re lucky enough to have no financial difficulties and we’ve not got anything booked because it’s just shitting money away. My husband and I have the full two weeks off. We will bake gingerbread men, we will go for walks, we will stay in our pyjamas until mid morning every day, we will do crafts, we have a big family party at the village hall (very DIY, everyone brings a dish, one uncle does the party games, there’s a raffle to pay for the hall hire next year, the a horde of 25 kids running riot. Costs each family about a tenner all in), we are national trust members so we will go see all the decorated properties. We will have hot chocolate every single day! The kids will have sleepovers with their cousins. It’s my favourite time of year and we rarely spend much on it besides the food. My husband and I don’t even exchange gifts!

Your kids will be fine.

They often have a moment of not believing and it seems to be common that whispers go round at about age 7. Then some kids continue to believe, others don’t.

When dd was 7 she told me some of the boys were saying Santa wasn’t real and she asked me to confirm by saying: he is, isn’t he? And I just confirmed yes because that’s what she wanted to hear. Then age 10 and year 6 about 1.5 months before Christmas she asked me to tell her the truth. So I did. And we went through a few memorable presents as she was incredulous I’d managed to source them all... because she thought only elves could do that. Then about a week later, she decided Santa was still real and I played along again. One last Christmas of believing… except I really don’t know what she believed at that point…

I get it. I went through the feelings you’ve got right now. But really either way, Christmas is still magical. And at 17, my dd is still into Christmas in quite a child like way.

The big expensive stuff is overrated! Get some small stuff or some second hand things nicely wrapped. Charity shops in posher areas are worth a visit! Bake stuff, watch films etc. The fact that you obviously care so much makes me think your little ones are going to love Christmas this year!

My children are a little bit older than yours. I have asked them this year if they want to do the usual expensive light trails, ice skating, Blenheim palace, panto etc and they have said they don't!!

Turns out those big ticket trips aren't their favourite 'magical' bits of Christmas at all. My kids favourite things are cheap as chips - decorating for Christmas (paper chains, paper snowflakes etc), watching Christmas films with hot chocolate as a family, baking cookies, creating a gingerbread house, walking around at nighttime with the dog to see houses lit up, frosty walks in the woods and boardgames.

So I haven't booked any big trips out this year and they are pleased and excited for our free activities.

Please take the pressure of yourself, you can still make it magical and they probably won't even mind they aren't doing the big days out. Be kind to yourself and have a lovely old school Christmas.

Lapland, FFS! You really got sucked into the consumerisation of Christmas.

My son is 4 and he’s never believed Santa is real and we’ve told him he’s correct.

We’ve never done pantos or grottos or any of that stuff and don’t intent to in the future. He still loves Christmas and has a great time. He loves seeing his family, he loves putting up the decorations, he loves helping me put presents in stockings and gift bags. He loves helping watching Christmas films even though he doesn’t believe.

BTW I’ve been to Lapland (not with son) & it’s honestly absolute garbage. The London Lapland is miles better. Or Centre Parc, Criedf Hydro etc.

FWIW on Lapland…

The Lapland of my childhood imagination was an utterly amazing, and truly magical place in the literal sense of the word.

No real-life Lapland could possibly have come close to the Lapland that I believed existed.

Anything short of seeing actual elves in an actual workshop and actual flying reindeer would have been a big disappointment to me and in truth would probably have been the moment that I stopped believing.

My advice to parents looking to keep the magic alive is to avoid Lapland when they’re young, take them when they’re about 9 or 10 and are at the ‘pretending to believe’ stage, instead.