DD and Friend hurt me yet I’m in the wrong?

[FoxPj]

DD had a friend over for a sleepover last night, they are 12. During the course of the night one or both of them wrote a “horror” message on the bathroom mirror which was a shock when I went in and saw it. I went in to speak to them both and DD screamed that I was embarrassing for crying. The friend looked shocked like she’d never seen an adult show emotion before and said they had done it to her mum too who had found it funny. She did apologise but added “it’s only lipstick, it wipes off easy”. DD then stormed out and told DH that I was embarrassing her and DH has taken their side saying it was a harmless prank and I need to lighten up.
Feeling so upset today. I thought DH would at least back me up.

JFC you have made a proper holy show of yourself here @FoxPj

Have you ever visited the Sistine Chapel?

I wouldn't have been scared OP, but I would have been pretty pissed off and marching them into bathroom to clean it off. Who goes to another house as a guest and writes on a mirror ffs. As the saying goes 'play silly games win silly prizes'. Your daughter did something silly and now feels silly/embarrassed. It's a lesson in actions have consequences, and not always the one we hope.

Yes crying was excessive, you should have either taken a few minutes to compose yourself or asked DH to go talk to them if you couldn't.

OP did you assume it was a ghost rather than a prank? Why the ever loving fuck did you cry over it??

Jesus, are you the same poster who had to be carried home by two builders crying after you fell in the street? Either way, your DD is right. Your behaviour is embarrassing.

I think the best way to dig yourself out of this is to tell your family you’re a heroin addict. They’ll then think that you were hallucinating at the time and it won’t be so embarrassing. You might have to go to rehab but at least DD won’t be ripped at school.

It was written with lipstick, hardly a difficult clean. Very much a harmless prank with no damage being done besides in OP’s knickers !

Did you also happen to scream in the Sistine Chapel?

Why does dh need to have her back though? He doesn't agree with her reaction and the impact it had on dd.

He doesn't need to go along with her just because she is his wife. He's allowed to think her reaction was unreasonable and embarrassing for daughter

OP do you have history for catastrophising like this? If you see items out of place or notes left around do you scream and cry hysterics assuming someone has broke in rather than the, much more logical assumption, of children being in your house and perhaps doing things out of the ordinary?

I'm embarrassed for you OP.

Unless they used your £100 Louis Vuitton lipstick. Then I could understand you crying.

Yes you did overreact, I think, but it's a bit of a daft prank, and it's mean to mock you and say you embarrassed yourself. Young-ish girls can be cruel little shits sometimes! Even if it's just a prank and they meant no harm.

Not sure how you or where you go from here @FoxPj but I'm sure it will blow over. Maybe do a similar prank back? Just for a laugh and to show you're not angry, and you're sorry for going a bit OTT!

🤣🤣🤣

I am not a generally a fan of horror films and don't read Steven King's books but the film ofThe Shining is a masterpiece, Jack Nicholson's descent into psychotic madness is mesmerising.

Also OP, you say you assume someone had broke in. Do you think crying in hysterics would have been the correct reaction in that circumstance? If that is what you genuinely thought, as you say, surely you would should for your DH or quickly rush to check on the children. Not stand there blubbering.

Good, serves her right if that happens.

This is the best reply on here.

If she's a good friend she might have a laugh to her siblings or even parents but only a shit friend would tell other kids, that's quite cruel on your DD.

My mum is autistic, although this wouldn't bother her she's sensitive about other things. She's an absolute angel though and all my friends love her.

People on here are being too harsh. Yes, hardly your finest moment but your DD should have known that you can be sensitive.

exactly this

Meant to add your h is a twat for not backing you up.

Your poor dd, how embarrassing for her 😳

So they wouldn't have had difficulty cleaning it off when asked would they!

Many things are excused under the heading of 'lighten up, it was a prank, you need to get a sense of humour'. Presumably OP's daughter knows her mum, knows this wouldn't land well, and did it anyway to look 'big' in front of her friend. We are the 'hosting house' and DD11's mates are round our house all the time including lots of sleepovers. But my daughter and mates would know very well that if they pulled this sh*t at our house it wouldn't go down well.

Actually think it’s very telling that OP describes herself as HURT by this prank. Her DD hurt her. I can see why DD is completely over OP’s catastrophising and self victimisation.

Are you suffering from anxiety disorder OP? Because your reaction to a silly prank was extreme and I'm not surprised that your daughter was embarrassed.

Pranks are just sanitised forms of bullying in most cases I think and I think it’s good your child has had an unwanted reaction.

No they aren't. Pranks are a daft one off joke. If the recipient doesn't like them and the behaviour is continued it becomes bullying. And given the prank had already been played on an adult who found it funny then no reason for the girls to expect such an OTT response from the OP.

I agree that crying was a massive overreaction, but the people asking why the OP would be bothered by 'REDRUM' if she hadn't seen The Shining as if that's some kind of gotcha? You'd have to be pretty dim or unobservant not to notice it's MURDER backwards (and the OP said ilthe word was written the right way around anyway).

I remember being 12 and would have died of shame if my mum cried in front of my friend over something so silly. I realise that some people are fragile, but your reaction is bizarre.