To be pissed off DH has gone for a nap?

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Today our 2.5 old woke at 530. Got up with him, did breakfast and all of that. DH up at 7, ds1 woke as well. I went back to bed and I slept until 9 (had a really bad night) then each of us took the kids to different activities only DH didn’t end up going so ds1 just watched TV all morning. Then DH took them to the recycling centre with him. It took about forty minutes. Then I’m running round like a blue arsed fly getting lunch and everything, got ds2 down for his nap and now DH is asleep.

AIBU to be let down? I’m taking them to a party later then tomorrow they have two parties so he’s going to have loads of time to himself this weekend.

Go for a nap yourself

I can’t really just leave the four year old totally to his own devices while both parents sleep upstairs, though.

Get dh to do at least one of the parties. You both deserve a break

So you had the kids from 5:30-7 alone, then you had a nap for 2hrs at 7-9 after husband up? Now he is having a catch up nap? I wouldn’t say I would make this into an issue personally. Choose your battles

It's not a competition over who gets to sleep the most. You got back to bed from 7-9 a lot of parents that are up at 5.30 may not get that luxury. If you read on here about a lot of the useless DH's out there, him getting up at 7 to let you sleep should be appreciated!

Doesn’t sound like either of you are unreasonable, more that you’re rather busy and both tired. Do you really need to attend 2 activities and 3 parties in one weekend given your kids are so young?

Why does making lunch involve running around like a blue arsed fly - are you cooking a roast?!

He won’t, so that would mean they wouldn’t go. I don’t mind taking them it’s just always so kind of uneven. The assumption is he can do what he wants unless told otherwise.

I did appreciate it @holachicatita but he’s still having a lot more downtime than me this weekend. All weekend that ‘shift’ is basically it, I’ve got at least one the rest of the time and for a big chunk, both.

@Suntots i was doing a meal, and running between the kitchen and the lounge a lot, yes. Not a roast but it was a hot meal with veg as they’re just having party food later and prob won’t eat much.

That’s more of an issue than a nap imo

Why won’t he take them to activities or parties? Sounds like he’s lazy.

Will you get any down time in the week op when your Dh is I presume at work?

He needs to do some of the parties too

and why can’t you nap on the sofa while 4 year old watches a film anyway? I do this all the time

In fairness it’s me who knows the mums, given the ages of the kids most invites are via my friends with similar aged kids. So it would look a bit odd if I didn’t go, unless I was ill or something.

@susiedaisy1912 i work part time and on the days I don’t work I have the kids so … no, is the short answer to that!

Probably because we have different four year olds but anyway he’s been watching TV all morning so would prefer not to add to that. But there’s no way I could nap with him; he never stops talking and doesn’t really watch full length films yet although I know some children who do.

I agree with pp that this is the heart of the problem. It's not about a one off crap night's sleep it's about him failing to pull his weight as a parent and you feeling always on while he relaxes

Why is he refusing to do normal things like take a child to a party? You need to sort that out.

Also you need to train your child not to get up for the day at 5.30, that's still nighttime. I never entertained getting up before 6.30 with either of mine. At 2 both mine were still in the cot so couldn't get out, if they woke then and shouted then I'd tell them to go back to sleep, they weren't getting up then. Only did that once or twice.

Why didn't he take the older one to his activity this morning?

Your DH is lazy. That's a hard one to rectify.

He doesn’t normally @Buxusmortus but tbh I remember reading similar comments when ds1 was the same age and I never found anything that worked; with some children once they’re awake they’re awake and that’s the end of it. I don’t think there’s anything to be gained in ds2 crying mummy for an hour and waking ds1 up.

The assumption is he can do what he wants unless told otherwise.

So why have you chosen to have another child with him if this is the home situation?!

He sounds lazy to me. Why do you have to do all the running round and donkey work. He needs to step up and do his fair share. In many ways he sounds like another child rather than a parent

Are you assuming OP isn’t working?

Of course he can take them to the parties. DH took DT’s to many without me if I was busy.

Get a gro clock for your 4yo and train them bit by bit that they aren’t allowed to leave their room until the sun appears at 7am, but they can play/read quietly.

This works with both of mine (3+5).

I agree, 5.30am is still nighttime.

It was well over three years ago that I did, and at the time I didn’t realise what things would be like, ds1 was still very young.

@RomeoRivers it was my two year old who woke early, he has some back molars coming through and it isn’t habitual. But in any case I am afraid I never found the Gro clock effective, although of course realise it is for some children. But this morning all that would have happened is ds2 would have cried h till ds1 also woke up.

Calpol for the pain then back to bed?

I realise that isn’t the issue you’re posting about, but moving forward it might help to try and get better sleep habits ingrained.

My DH will often just fall asleep and leave me on duty, but then he gets up with them both mornings at the weekends because I can’t nap on command.

I know it’s really annoying when you’re tired too; maybe get him to start checking with you if it’s a convenient time for him to nap, just as a courtesy?