I always have to do my dad’s Christmas shopping

[AlwaysTheEldestDaughter]

Every year. Without fail. It’s to the point now I have his card saved on my Amazon for this reason.

He just doesn’t care. He never comes up with gift ideas himself, he never looks for anything my mum might like. He just asks me what she’s asked for and I order it, wrap it, and he gets the credit.

It’s infuriating to me. He never knows what he’s getting her until she unwraps it. But if I don’t do it, he will get angry at me and say I’m being difficult. So I do it, because it’s easier for me and it means my mum gets something.

AIBU to just be really fed up? He never asks my brothers to do it, only me.

Just don't do it!

Stop enabling him.

Why are you enabling this behaviour?

If you don't like doing it, then just stop doing it. No one has a gun to your head forcing you to buy presents on his behalf. Let him sort his own life out and deal with any consequences when he doesn't.

Stop doing it.

If I don’t do it, he’ll get angry and my mum won’t get any Christmas gifts. It’s not fair to her.

I put YABU mostly because it's entirely within your power to stop..

Let him get angry? Who cares?

Let him get angry, this is not your job!

Say no. Why do you care if he fails? Its not your problem.

This might be unpopular but this year, I would buy something, but it’s his job to wrap. Drop it off to him

I presume your mum knows she's married to a lazy uncaring twat. I would just do it for your mum, she knows it's you making the effort albeit with your dad's money. I would put my foot down and not do it for anyone else.

I mean you don't have to, you're choosing to. If you feel your mum should get gifts get them yourself, from you.

If he got angry, would he take it out on your mum?

The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Either carry on doing it but absolutely no point in complaining about it
Or stop doing it and end the cycle.

I'd be choosing option 2.

I agree. Order it to his house in his name and he can wrap it.

Or don't order it, let him be angry and also let him make it up to your mum if she is upset that he hasn't bought for her.

Or tell him to ask your brother this year.

This.
Sorry Dad, I don't have the time or energy this year.

Won't get any Christmas gifts...from her husband. Surely she still gets gifts from the rest of you?

You're not involved in their relationship, so don't stop doing it.

Your mum is a grown woman and is no doubt able to deal with it. Stop making excuses.

Either stand up for yourself and stop this behaviour, or keep enabling it and upsetting yourself. You will garner little sympathy if you decide the latter.

Then just don’t do it 🤷‍♀️🙄 Say no, mean it, make it obvious you are not doing it so he has the notice (not that you owe him that) and then get on your merry way! He won’t do it so long as you are enabling him to not do it. Focus on getting a nice gift from you for mum and ultimately it will be him that has to face the music if he doesn’t get his act together rather than you saving him every time, that’s not your job or responsibility.

Let him get angry, it's himself he needs to get angry at.
Buy your mum a lovely gift, from you.
He's the one being not fair. Stop enabling a man child.

How old are you?
Are you still a teen or twenty and living at home?
If so I can see it woukd be a challenge dealing with Mr Angry Dad.

If you’re an adult, and/or not living at home, now is your time to cut the cord, stop being his staff and refuse to do this anymore.

Your mum will still get gifts from you and your siblings (presumably) so stand your ground and delete his card from the internet. Job done.

Honestly. I I couldn't get worked up about this. It probably takes you 5 minutes to order and 5 minutes to wrap it. Assuming your relationship with you father is other wise good then I would do this for him.

You have agency here

It's your choice whether to use it

Send him a link and he can order and wrap it. You are still doing the brain work. Explain to him that of course it is easier FOR HIM if you order it, but it is adding to your, already long list.

At the very most, you should have it delivered to him so he can wrap it.

I know due to family dynamics the idea of saying no may be hard for you. From the little you’ve posted it seems clear that it’s ingrained in you to placate your dad and do whatever is needed to prevent him getting angry.

From the outside, that seems off because you’re not responsible for this and his anger is his problem.

I would say your options are:

1. Dont do it this year and if he gets angry, ask him why he’s incapable of doing it or say you think it’s your brothers turn this year.
2. Order it straight to his house so can wrap it
3. Order your mum something nice on his card, wrap it and give it to her from you so she gets something. If he mentions it, he can explain that he hasn’t made any effort and you can just shrug your shoulders and ignore, assuming he’ll learn a lesson.
4. Do what you’ve always done and feel the resentment growing.