I always have to do my dad’s Christmas shopping

[AlwaysTheEldestDaughter]

Every year. Without fail. It’s to the point now I have his card saved on my Amazon for this reason.

He just doesn’t care. He never comes up with gift ideas himself, he never looks for anything my mum might like. He just asks me what she’s asked for and I order it, wrap it, and he gets the credit.

It’s infuriating to me. He never knows what he’s getting her until she unwraps it. But if I don’t do it, he will get angry at me and say I’m being difficult. So I do it, because it’s easier for me and it means my mum gets something.

AIBU to just be really fed up? He never asks my brothers to do it, only me.

My mum is aware, she sends me her list now. She’s not really bothered because she gets the gifts she wants.

I don’t know what I’m expected to say to him? I try to stand up to it and he is just horrible to me. He will call me all sorts of names, he’s called me a fat spoilt cow before when I said I didn’t want to wrap them.

That’s not your problem. You’ve got to stand your ground op. Stop being a martyr

Do you still live at home op?

Use his card to buy some of the tat on the Facebook thread

Don't do it. Make sure you get your mum something off the list that she would like, and make it clear that it's from you.

Or just keep doing it and suck it up. No point getting annoyed and pissing yourself off. If you're not going to stop, just make peace with it and crack on.

Is your Mum good to you? Does she help you and support you?

If so, she knows you're the one doing the shopping (from what I can see from your posts) so there is no illusion here that your father is a lovely thoughtful man.

In this scenario I would continue to buy for my Mum, to ensure she gets a lovely Christmas with items she wants and will bring her joy. It means you're not having to bankroll it as you have his card, and no one is under any illusions that he's putting in any effort.

You're doing this for your Mum, ignore the fact it happens to also benefit your dad.

Woah, your father talks to you like that? That’s abusive.

Makes me wonder what else is going on in your family dynamic.

My dad has never once swore at me or called me names. Ever. And that’s the norm for most people.

As always this isn't about wrapping presents. It's that your DF is an awful abusive prick.

That's not how a normal healthy family speak to each other.

And that’s your dad’s fault. Not yours. Maybe your mum should go without a Christmas present and finally be angry herself at her husbands lack of care for her. Your dad can kick rocks, tbh. Who cares if he gets angry?

He can’t be arsed maintaining his own relationships? Where does it end, do you also have to kiss your mother goodnight because he can’t be arsed?

With respect OP, grow a back bone and tell your dad he needs to do better a husband all on his own.

@AlwaysTheEldestDaughter
Do you live at home?

Does your dad do a lot of things for you? If yes, do you thank him for that? That is usually how it works. Not him being abusive to you when he asks you to do something.

If she's sending you a wish list she might as well just order what she wants herself, wrap it and put it on his card, she's just as bad not sticking up for you. Does he bother getting you anything.

Yes, I’m at home.

I honestly don’t know what it is about Christmas that brings this out in our family. I love it, I love picking gifts for everyone and doing the most I can to make them happy. But it seems like for everyone else it just becomes this horrible thing where they all see it as a competition and a reciprocal thing.

Do you live with your parents? Do you owe them anything?
Why do you let your father treat you like that?
Send them a joint message saying that you are not buying anyone else's presents this year and no amount of abuse will change it.
If you father abuses you....block him!

It's time to stand up for yourself or just stop complaining. Change the narrative now.

Perhaps your mum will get angry with the right person? He's lazy and if he gets angry with you then tell him to shush. He's an adult, perfectly able to shop.

Does he get angry about other things? What does your DM do if he calls you horrible names?

When are you planning to leave home @AlwaysTheEldestDaughter

Do it but tell her in private about this arrangement. She gets her gifts then but knows he is an aese - though she probably already knows. She may want to up the value of her gift requests.

She just stands there awkwardly.

Aside from this he rarely gets angry. I don’t know what it is about Christmas that leads to this

Time to move out. Why would you stay someone who calls you names?
Tell him you don’t have time. Make sure you get your mum something lovely from you.

My dad used to make me do this. Can’t believe I did it. He’s dead now which is easier

OP my comment on this thread before is completely moot.

Are you able to go somewhere else for Christmas? A friends? Book time away?
i understand sometimes Christmas brings out the worst, but I really think you need a break from them. Your dad sounds abusive at best.

Your dad is an arse. You should definitely think about moving away from someone who treats you like that.

However in this instance where your mum sends you the list and you use his money to pay for them, you ‘just’ order then wrap - that seems worth it to me to make sure DM gets what she wants - presumably you can spend as much as you like so encourage her to go big.

How old are you?

What a palaver, you still live at home, just put her name on the delivery, leave them in the bag, don't bother wrapping anything

Amazon will do gift wrapping. Its not exciting gift wrap, but it saves you a job. Personally I would be buying myself a nice present "from dad" at the same time...

I voted YABU. You're an enabler. It's a choice. You are choosing to do this.