Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

Ok then. Says it all…. You think you know a lot and you are being clever when clearly you re not.

you may prefer one over the othrr but toy cant say they are not comparable as technically they are.

but see even here one think she knows a lot about processes because she can make the distinction between paraffin and bees wax yet shows no sign whatsoever of compassion and empathy (towards a colleague who could have struggled to buy this candle); the other actually (me) just know about wine.

Agreed. You're sounding like a really unkind colleague and a really spiteful person. You obviously don't like her and given your comments about her I am now very sure that this was a deliberate act intended to hurt her feelings.

If you aren't her boss why were you questioning her low work output?
You made her feel awkward and annoyed so she threw that back in your face, fairs fair...

Oh come on what you did was very provocative. You should have regifted it somewhere outside of the work environment. Regifting in a way that the original gifter will find out is rude and thoughtless.

But I’m not her boss. She’s reporting to me for something urgent she’s not done as ‘additional resource’ during a busy period. And as I said, now I know why her line manager was so quick to offer her up.

I asked her if she was okay as I had noticed her output was low.

she said, ‘you put the candle I gave you for secret Santa into the office raffle, and now I have no motivation.’

come on. That’s not normal, surely?! Claiming you’re so upset by a minor gesture that you’re unable to work?

Oh dear. Your actions were awful. Never regift where the original giver might find out.

She's obviously hurt and offended. She probably would have kept that to herself but when you were asking about her output (fair enough) she lashed out with it. It's not a good enough excuse to have not done her work but I'm quite glad she drew your crassness to your attention.

This screams of public sector.
She’ll be suing next, mark my words.

I think you could have gifted it to another raffle or as a tombola prize at school/church etc. I wouldnt have regifted to the same environment as you got it in the first place.

I would have given it to the charity shop. Just send her a quick message apologising and explaining. But FGS then just get on with your day.

Fine to regift, totally not fine to regift where the original giver would see. Tactless.

Probably the straw that broke the camel´s back.

It’s pretty demotivating when you realise your colleagues are utter arses.

You literally could have done anything with the candles but you chose to regift them where you knew the person who gave them to you would see.

It’s rude and shows your utter lack of care.

You can’t understand that this was a tactless thing to do?
it’s not really about the candle, it’s the fact that you clearly didn’t want it but didn’t care that someone would recognise it / couldn’t be bothered to donate it elsewhere.

You were an AH and you know you were. It's common sense that when you don't like a gift, you give it away without the giver knowing. Stop making stupid excuses, there's plenty of options to give it away without your colleague knowing - local charity event? You child's school raffle/tombola? Another friend who likes such things? A charity shop?

I would view you in a different light (of a candle!) if I was your work colleague. At best, it is thoughtless, at worst, it is spiteful.

YANBU for not using the candle, nor for regifting, as such, but YABU to have put it back in the work raffle as the original gift giver might have got it back (it looks ungrateful as the present is 'spurned').
If you didn't want it, and hadn't used it, it could have gone to a charity shop, or have been regifted to someone outside the workplace.
Equally the person who was saying it affected their motivation IBVU. It's just a candle, not a 24 page critique of how they do their job.

Oh ffs here we go mumsnet neurodiverse bingo. Being an arsehole is more associated with cluster B personality disorders such as narcissism than it is with autism.

I actually get where you're coming from with paraffin candles – they are so bad for the environment. But it's as cheap AF to hang onto a raffle prize for an entire year and bung it back in.

You should have realised it would be unwise to donate a secret Santa present from a work colleague to a work raffle, but she is over-reacting. It’s ok for her to be offended but to let it affect her work productivity is ridiculous.

I will try not to be unkind but I see it that you have turned the situation around that the other person is being unreasonable so the results already are rather skewed when I voted YABU (did you mean to ask are they being unreasonable?).

IMO its an antagonistic action against a colleague when it could easily have been avoided. Regift to charity another way if your intentions are genuine. And to say that 'people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice' is not for you to say. At this time of year every pound is precious so why is it unethical for you to use the candle and not someone else?

Was it a raffle or secret santa? Either way you were tactless and she is overreacting. You could have said you loved it so much you bought another one for this year's raffle/secret santander.

“Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa.”

OP you’re not understanding. Others have asked if you’re neurodiverse, and I think this is a valid point.

What you did comes across as a deliberate attempt to humiliate your colleague. It would have been so easy to give away the candle at any point in the year, but you chose to keep it, specifically for the one event at which your colleague would be present. It’s as if you wanted her to see you were rejecting her gift.

Yes, your colleague sounds as if she could be quite sensitive, but that makes what you did even worse. You knew she’d be upset, but you did it anyway.

It probably didn't bother her but you've annoyed her by having a go at her work output so she's threw it at you.
At first you made this sound like she was this super sensitive person who had made a complaint or something.

You've pissed her off and she had this in her back pocket to be able to use it 🤷‍♀️

Equally the person who was saying it affected their motivation IBVU. It's just a candle, not a 24 page critique of how they do their job.

😂

I can confirm I am not neurodivergent! I just am practical and cannot imagine claiming I am so hurt by something like that that I could no longer do my job to adequate levels. In the history of excuses for ‘why can’t you do your job’ this has to be a top one.

@NebulousWhistler got it in one!!

You did it on purpose didn't you? All this disingenuous nonsense about 'I dont know why she is so upset". What sort of person hangs onto a candle for a year and then thinks they'll just put it back in the mix, so to speak.

I mean I hate Secret Santa but you must have been aware this lack of care can come across as a bit of a Fuck You to your colleagues?