Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

Jeezus. One is a red and one is a white, of course they taste different… but your ignorant snobbishness is doing you no favours. There are as many ‘quality’ merlots and as there are quality chablis.

So, just stop = you made a mistake re-gifting as you did. And the more you respond to PPs in this manner the more blatantly obvious it is that it was an intentionally passive aggressive gesture to regift it. The issue here is not actually the fricking candle - it is your attitude and conduct towards colleagues. I would bet my Christmas gift this year that you have made dozens of micro-aggressions in the office all year and this was the last straw… hence it being raised in the 1-2-1.

I don't think this was secret Santa?

id have regifted it or donated it elsewhere rather into the same social circle which gave it to me.

But to claim it has damaged their motivation? I asked about the low output of their work this week and if anything was wrong, and she said it was because she was upset about me putting the secret Santa gift from last year in the raffle! I just sat there mouth open, because it genuinely has never crossed my mind that anyone would care that much or try and suggest it damaged their motivation…

I am still bewildered.

Also interested to know what makes Boots candles unethical to the point you won't light it

Its not either/or. You've both been unreasonable. You have been thoughtless; she has overreacted.

OP everyone knows that sometimes their Secret Santa gifts won’t be liked by the recipient. It’s the risk of buying gifts for people you don’t know really well. I would never be bothered if I saw the gift I’d given in a local charity shop. I’d shrug and move on.

But what you did was different. Rather than offloading the unwanted gift elsewhere on any of the other 365 days that year, you hung onto it, specifically to put it in the raffle, knowing your colleague would see it. It looks like a deliberate action, to show the colleague how much you hated the gift.

What you did was at best thoughtless, and at worst spiteful, and I can guarantee that other colleagues will think less of you as a result.

Are you her boss? If so, I think there is great potential for you to undergo some additional people management training.

You're really not listening are you. You got it from a colleague. So you gifted it back to be given to a..... colleague. Dumbest of moves. Any other person would have taken it to an op shop.

I asked about the low output of their work this week and if anything was wrong

Oh gosh you are her boss aren't you 😮. Poor women!

What is "feel motivation"? What were your "personal reasons" for not just using it?

Such a lot of drama over a candle.

It's not just a collegue, it is one of your direct reports.

It's a terrible way to treat a dr.

Have you been a manager for very long? You don't sound very experienced.

You’re being unreasonable. By all means give it away, you don’t need to justify your taste in candles/wines or wanting to not contribute to landfill.

But it was insensitive to put it in the raffle at work where she’d see it - you’ve made her feel upset and embarrassed, regardless of how justified you think your actions are, and it takes some out of the fun of the raffle for her. Even if it just came from Boots she might have put some time and thought into thinking about what you might like. I would have donated it anywhere else.

But I think she’s also been unreasonable for letting it impact her “motivation” whatever that means. I would be upset too but I’d try not to
dwell on something not important.

So you’re too concerned to use it yourself but happy to ‘risk’ your colleague? What nonsense.

You’ve been tactless and insensitive. Your further attempts at whataboutery because people are tending to tell you that are just as void of point.

Oh lord, you ARE her boss, aren’t you?

No. No no no. Bad move. Especially when you say upthread that she’s ‘sensitive’ - you must have know this would be hurtful and you still did it.

Thankfully I am not! She’s reporting to me for an urgent piece of work (that she has not done) as additional resource as my team is down a man. Now I know why her actual LM was so quick to offer her up…

I don’t understand why you are bewildered. You don’t regift in the same circle; surely everyone knows that?

I wouldn’t have brought it up in a 1-2-1 and it wouldn’t ruin my motivation because it’s just secret Santa and nothing to do with work, but I would definitely think a bit less of you (and probably laugh at your cheapness with my colleagues). I probably also wouldn’t bother doing Secret Santa again.

Carcinogens OP said. Happy to risk her colleagues though. Just not good enough for her!

She’s wondering why you would do something that you knew would embarrass and humiliate her. It’s not the re-gifting as such. It’s the fact that you made a point of saying “here, have my shit present back”. It’s also clear from your posts that you don’t like her and think she’s a wet blanket, which she possibly is, but I suspect there are already problems in your relationship with her. This has just made it worse.

Oh my! You sounds utterly dreadful, sorry.

@WorkRaffle

Are you ND?

Do you have a partner? Children?

I agree- it's like you deliberately humiliated her in front of everyone. You had an entire year to regift that candle to literally anyone but you waited a year to do it at work knowing she gave it to you. Urgh.

Just awful.

Wow, you I feel sorry for her, you are coming across as truly nasty! Almost narcissistic/sociopathic. No recognition you have done anything wrong here, no ability to empathise.

You were insensitive to donate it to the work raffle when you'd had a whole year to dispose of it in some other way. She was ridiculous to turn it into such a drama.

100% this.

This.almost all of us are saying the same thing. Read the room. Yes colleague is silly but perhaps you are struggling with some of the unspoken 'rules' and you have offended her before ? I can understand where you are coming from but regifting in the same place is a no. Little things can matter to people (but her reaction is OTT)