To challenge autistic DD’s detention?

[ThisFairShark]

Dd (14) is autistic, diagnosed at age 8. She has trouble reading social cues and knowing what is/isn’t appropriate to say, she’s always very honest at all times! and has a support plan at school and is under the SEND team.

In school, she wasn’t paying attention in her science lesson and a teacher apparently said “(DD’s name) am I boring you?” to which DD replied “yes a little”. The whole class started laughing and DD got given a lunchtime detention to be served next week.

I know for all intents and purposes this is rude behaviour but I’ve spoken to DD and she genuinely didn’t realise that this was something she wasn’t supposed to say, the teacher asked a question and she gave an honest answer…

now I’ve spoken to her about how the teacher actually just wanted her to pay attention and this was their way of asking her to do so, but I don’t really think she should have to do the detention as she wasn’t aware that she was being rude nor did she intend to be rude, she just doesn’t have the social awareness to understand that the teacher actually just wanted to pay attention and wasn’t genuinely asking if she found the lesson boring.

WIBU to talk to the school, CC’ing in the SENCO and ask that she be excused from the detention, and that in future, if teachers could be clearer (for example, “pay attention please, DD’s name”)?

I'm all for reasonable adjustments. I do think most work places are very superficial about them though.

DH got sent to occupational health, the reasonable adjustments requested were to have his afternoon break at the time it would be best for him to take his medication and to have the legally required and included in his contract minimum rest break between shifts. They said they couldn't guarantee either...

I always say don't ask questions you don't want the answer to. The teacher, knowing full well your child is autistic and therefore doesn't understand rhetorical questions knew they'd get an answer they wouldn't like.

This is how we learn. You need to reinforce what expected behaviour in the classroom is.

But the child has to go through life with people NOT knowing she's autistic. Therefore isn't it important that she learns to adjust her responses to the socially acceptable norm. I appreciate it's hard for her, but she clearly is high enough functioning to be in mainstream school, so picking up on cues needs to be learnt.
Because if she had said that to me as a manager I would not have been happy and it would likely have lead to disciplinary action if I perceived it to be rude and intended to undermine me in the eyes of the rest of the staff... which is what she effectively did although completely unintentionally.